The Reason
by AnAmericanMom
Summary: This takes place a year after the end of the series. Tommy is finding out first hand how badly he hurt Jude when he left, can someone save him before he is lost to his own despair? Better summary inside
1. Author's Note

Author's Note:

Author's Note:

I don't own instant star, just the ideas/theories I have for what happens after the end of the series.

It's a year later and Tommy's beyond miserable, he visits her in London with Sadie, SME, and Jamie only to find out just how much he must have hurt her when he left her. From there his whole world goes down hill, can anything bring him back from the edge of despair?

**Be kind please, I hope to get reviews and I hope you all enjoy my story, fair warning this is my first fic that I've written solo. **


	2. Chapter One

A/N Don't own, Don't sue.

Chapter One

It has been a year. One year since he had seen her, or heard from her. Twelve months almost to the day since she very publicly retracted her acceptance of his proposal, and the following day left for London. Until that night he hadn't known anything could hurt this badly. He didn't know he was capable of missing someone this much. But he did. He missed her more with every day that passed. Every day that he went without hearing from her, without seeing her again.

Pathetically he hoped and even prayed every night that she'd change her mind. That she'd call, or write, or come back to Toronto for him. Pray that they could finally be together. That he'd finally be able to slip a real ring on her finger.

He'd actually bought the ring after she left, just incase. Or maybe incase he some day came up with a way to win her back, to be good enough to keep her. Sure they fought, but they'd always patched it up before, why not this time too? Though in reality he knew she didn't leave because of a fight, she left because she needed time. She needed space to spread her wings and just be Jude for a while, without him.

He was a shell of himself these days. He'd quit G-Major after all of the drama with Kwest and Sadie, well that was the reason he gave anyway. The reality of it was, without Jude there he had no reason to remain. Darius tried to get him to stay, screaming about what Tommy owed him, in all honesty he didn't care. Darius Mills could shove it up his ass for all he cared. He played stupid when Sadie or Kwest questioned his behavior or physical state. But the day was coming and they all knew it. Sadie most of all, she'd been there back stage when it happened.

A feminine knock breaks him out of his depressed trance and he groans standing to his feet, stumbling to the door and opening it. He winces as the bright sun filters in through the now partially open door. He blinks rapidly before his blood shot blue eyes settle on the disruptive party. "Sadie?" His voice sounding almost foreign even to himself, from lack of use.

"Geez Tommy, you look like death warmed over, "she observed as she pushed the door open further, stepping around him into his living room. She glances around taking in the state of the living room and the state of Tommy himself again. Tommy wasn't normal your typical bachelor. He actually kept his place rather tidy, especially for a guy, she'd always thought he could give Jude lessons on cleaning up. Now his living room look like a tornado came through, he was in pajama pants and a t-shirt, and looked like he hadn't shaved in, at least a week, though she was surprised it wasn't worse than that. His hair however is to his ears, like he hadn't had it cut since she left.

She shakes her head moving things off the couch and putting them away neatly before sitting down and motioning for him to do the same. "You can't keep going on like this Tommy. It's not healthy."

"I'm fine Sadie…"

"You're lying."

"What do you want me to say Sadie? I'm lost, and you know why."

"I know. But do you think she'd want you sitting here rotting like this? Think it'd make her happy?"

"No… But nothing I did made her happy Sadie, that's why she left." He knew that wasn't the reason, but it felt like it. Then again, Jude was the only one who had any true faith in him.

"That's not true. You did, do, make her happy Tom. She just needed time to grow up, be Jude for a while. She relied on you for everything. She needed time to learn how to be okay without you to hold her together. Doesn't mean she stopped loving you…" She bites her lip slightly, she was trying to pull Tommy out of his despair and she knew the only thing that would truly do that would be; Jude. The problem was she had to get one of them to make the first move. Tommy was closest so he was her first shot.

"I know. I know Sadie, but the thing is see, she didn't need me. I needed _her_. She was my stability, my anchor." He sighs leaning forward, his head falling into his hands. He hated admitting that to anyone, but in reality he knew he had to tell someone before it killed him.

"Then tell her."

"Sadie, she's in another country! How am I supposed to do that? I haven't even spoken to her since she left!"

Sadie grins devilishly and digs in her purse for a moment before pulling out a set of plane tickets. "What if I told you I just happen to have a couple of tickets to London? And tickets to her concert tomorrow night?"

His head snaps up and he reaches over snatching the airline tickets from her hand looking them over. They were first class; one even had his name on it. "But how? You can't possibly afford these Sadie…"

"True, that's why Jude's the one who sent them."

"She sent mine?"

"Yup, her birthday's coming up you know, so she wants us there. She may have wanted her space Tommy Q but that doesn't mean she didn't miss you." It was true Jude had sent the tickets; Sadie didn't know why and didn't think that Jude would admit anything anyway. That was the problem with both of them; they were too stubborn for their own good. "So, will you come with me?"

He sighs staring at the ticket, Jude must want to see him if she went to the expense of first class right? He nods slowly, not meeting Sadie's gaze, "when do we leave?"

She looks at her watch and shrugs, it was four now and they needed to be there by eight to get on their flight at nine. She figured he hadn't bothered to look past his own name on the ticket. "Four hours, we need to be there at 8pm, you're in no condition to drive so I'll pick you up at a quarter til. "

"Why don't I pick you up Sades?"

"No offense Tom, but you're in no condition to drive. When was the last time you slept? Or ate?"

"Fine. 7:45. I'll be ready."

She stands and pats his shoulder before heading home to finish packing, leaving Tommy to do the same. She just hoped he at least shaved.


	3. Chapter Two

A/N Don't own, Don't sue.

Chapter Two

He'd showered, shaved, packed, managed to actually look almost human in the four hours after Sadie left. Now he sits beside her on an airplane bound for London, he couldn't stop his leg from bouncing up and down. In truth as happy as he is to be on his way to see her, he's mortified too. What if she met someone? What if she stopped loving him? Sure Sadie had said otherwise, but well, she's Sadie.

Thankfully Sadie had let him be next to the window, her own fear of heights being the reason but he was grateful just the same. It gave him something to watch, even if it was only the endless night surrounding them, or the city lights now as they begin to take off. He honestly couldn't take his mind off his girl. Yes his girl, no matter what happened he would never stop thinking of her that way. He didn't consider her property with that title, but something so precious there were no other words for her.

An hour and a half into the flight he's suddenly struck with inspiration, something he hadn't had in who knows how long now. But something about this trip, seeing her again filled him with the desire to write. Maybe then he could say all the things he never got to say. Granted the likelihood he'd sing them was slim to none but, he could give them to her just the same.

His pen scratches feverishly across the paper for almost an hour before he feels he's perfected what he needs to say. At least with this one, his mind dancing around trying to pinpoint possibilities for other ways to say all the many things she should know. So for the duration of the flight he writes, guarding his words from Sadie's prying eyes.

As they step off the plane and head towards the baggage claim where family and friends can actually greet the passengers he stretches, yawning. Fourteen hours was a long time to be on an airplane, even in first class. He hadn't done that since his BA days. Waiting in line at the top of the escalator that would take them down to the crowd of people waiting for their loved ones he nudges Sadie whispering, hidden behind a black hoodie and black sunglasses, not wanting to deal with screaming fans. "Who's picking us up?"

"Not sure, Jude said she might, or she'd send a driver. All depends on what her label allows. If her current producer lets her out of work to come get us, she says he's almost as much of a slave driver as you were."

As the step onto the escalator he cringes when she says 'he'. That meant her new producer was male. "Hope her lets her out then."

"You're just worried she'll fall for him if they work the hours you two used to." She hit the nail on the head and she knew it.

"Sadie… Bite me." Was all he managed to say before they reached the bottom of the escalator and started looking around for a vibrant blond or a sign indicating the driver got stuck with them.

But it was neither, as soon as they were clear of the escalator a shrill whistle got their attention and the frantically waving arms of Vincent Speiderman were seen. The pair made their way towards him as he shouted "Dudes!" Tommy cringes hearing it, but gives a slight nod just the same. He'd grown to almost like the guy before he and Karma had left G-Major for NBR.

"Vin! I didn't know you were going to be here! What other surprises are in store hm? Hey Karma." Sadie hugs both of them before stepping back as the four head towards luggage to get their things.

"Actually Wally and Kyle should be here tomorrow, Jamie got in yesterday. Dude wanted everyone here for her 21st. She thinks it's just going to be a simple little thing, all of us go out to dinner kind of deal."

"I'm sensing a but…" said Tommy, finally joining the conversation as they made their way to the Speiderman's limo.

"Buuuuuut… "Speid grins waiting a moment before going on. "We're all planning a kick ass surprise party after dinner. Several performances from those nearest and dearest to her, with two exceptions of course." He looks at Sadie pointedly.

"Let me guess, Jamie and I are excluded from the list."

"You got it dude."

"Wait, that means. Oh no. No! Absolutely not! I am not performing." Tommy folds his arms across his chest defiantly, like a child who's refusing to go to bed when they're told to.

Speid shakes his head. "Sorry man, you've been drafted. Besides, do you really want to say no on her birthday?"

It was a low blow, as demonstrated by the deep growl that emirates from Tommy's throat before he sighs and throws his hands up. "Fine! But only for Jude, and I'm choosing what and how many. Got it?"

"Got it!" As the group got out of the limo reaching Jude's large penthouse Sadie and Speid high five, their plan seemed to be working out better than they had hoped. Sure Jude had orchestrated some of the events, like everyone being in one place. But Jamie, Sadie, Speid, and even Karma were involved in the plot to prove to the couple once and for all they belonged with each other. Sure none of them had originally been supportive but they'd learned!

They were mere steps away from her door now and suddenly Tommy could feel every inch of his body freeze. He wasn't sure he could do this, he wasn't sure he could step in there after a year, after the year he'd had. He still didn't look quite like the same Tommy. He'd had a chance to shave and all, but his hair was still long, well for him any way. But the moment of truth had come as Speid opened the door without knocking ushering them all in. He stood off to the side nervously, his hands shoved into his pockets and his head downcast. He'd taken off the glasses, but left the hoodie up. He was not about to be harassed by Speiderman for the state of his hair, not after the tell all blog Jude had done the year before about his hair gel.

He heard her before he saw her, letting the others get caught up in the greeting. He winces hearing the squeals as Jude and Sadie reunite, then the 'dudes!' as Speid and her hug again. His turn was coming and he knew it. He just didn't know what he was going to do when it happened.

He could feel her rather than see her, hear her voice as it broke into his silence, that one loaded word. "Hey…." He looked up, immediately meeting her blue eyes with his own.

"Hey…"


	4. Chapter Three

A/N Don't own, Don't sue.

The song used in this chapter is called Cross My Heart, by S Club 7. I'm just borrowing it with some changes of course.

Chapter Three

The room seemed to become deafeningly quiet when the pair addressed each other. Neither had gotten passed their one word greeting for the moment. Speid is the first to clear his throat and clapping his hands together, breaking the silence saying, "All right. Let's leave these two dudes alone and go get some air." Of course everyone agreed and they all headed out to the balcony leaving Jude and Tommy in silence again.

"How've you been?" She asks, chewing on her lower lip the way she always did when she was nervous. One of those little things that drove him up a wall.

"I've been peachy." He put on that absolutely fake smile he always got when he wanted nothing more than to run and hide.

"Liar." She reaches up, not asking or telling him to do it but doing it for herself. She pulls down his hood and her jaw just about hits the floor. She never thought she'd see the day Tommy Q's hair wasn't absolute perfection. She'd seen him disheveled before, seen the times he had gone a few days without shaving because he was wallowing. But this? This was too much even for him. "And the last time you had a haircut was when?"

"A month before you left…" He mumbled lowering his head. He was passed trying to be all stoic with her; he knew she'd see through it anyway. They'd been trough too much for him to get away with it.

"Tommy…"

"Jude, don't. Just don't." He steps away from her, his hands still hidden in his pockets. He didn't expect what came next.

She steps up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tight to her body. God she'd missed feeling him in her arms, missed his arms around her, which slowly, timidly almost, wrapped around her. She felt him hide his face in her neck and she let her fingers slip into his hair. Her voice is a whisper of breath against his ear. "I've missed you Tommy…"

"I missed you too, Girl." His own voice not above a whisper, he didn't trust it to go any higher. Finally he broke the embrace as he heard the others outside. "We should probably join the others. But later you need to tell me what you want for your birthday girl."

"But I've got my wish Tommy, you're here." She smiles at him as sweet as honey and grabs his hand before he can hide it in his pocket and pulls him outside. She acted like nothing was different between them. Like she hadn't truthfully broken his heart, but deep down she knew it. She could see it in the way he looked, in his eyes, and in all the news she'd gotten from Sadie and everyone else back home about him since she'd been gone.

"Always girl, always."

Once outside she holds onto his hand for as long as possible, not releasing it until necessary due to everyone begging her to hear a new song. They all wanted, especially Tommy, a sneak peak at her newest stuff. "Okay! We have to go inside though, and Tommy, mind joining me on piano?"

"Anytime." He followed the others inside and move to take a seat at her piano.

She sets the music down in front of him but making sure it was the copy that lacked lyrics. She didn't want anyone to hear them until they came from her. She takes a deep breath and then nods for Tommy to start playing. Shaking her head only slightly as Speid dims the lights the minute the soft melody takes flight as Tommy's fingers tickle the ivory keys.

_Cross My Heart  
We Say  
Cross My Heart  
I'll Be_

_We got it all  
And we'd be fools to let it go  
Because I need you more and more  
You're my life, and I live  
For your love that you give  
And although my journey's long  
I'll soon be home  
Oh  
It's going to be so hard on my own  
But I won't be alone_

And as she slips into the chorus Speid picks up his guitar nodding his head to the music and adds himself to the mix like second nature.

_Cross my heart and tell no lies  
No one's leaving you behind  
Just because we said goodbye, baby  
Cross my heart I do believe  
In my thoughts and in my dreams  
I'll be taking you with you me, baby_

As the chorus closes she climbs on top of her piano crossing her legs and curling her hands over the edge on either side of her thighs, through a veil of blond silk she brings her gaze to Tommy.

_Sometimes I think  
That I can feel you breathin' on me  
You're there so deep inside  
And I like, what I feel  
Though it's not always real  
It helps me carry on, till I come home  
Oh  
It's going to be so hard on my own  
But I won't be alone_

_Cross my heart and tell no lies  
No one's leaving you behind  
Just because we said goodbye, baby  
Cross my heart I do believe  
In my thoughts and in my dreams  
I'll be taking you with you me, baby_

As her voice fades and the music around her slowly follows she pulls her gaze away from Tommy throwing herself back into her usual happy grin and looking at all of her friends to hear what they have to think. "And that's the exclusive on Cross My Heart. Well with the exception of the perfect change you brought to the mix Speid." She'd never thought to bring a guitar into it, she'd written the song purely on her piano. As she listens to the sudden chatter around her she grabs her journal and begins writing feverishly, making the musical changes added by Speid before tucking it away and turning back to her friends.


	5. Chapter Four

A/N Don't own, Don't sue.

This will be my last upload for a few days, I want to get a few more chapters written before I upload any more.

Also I don't own the music in this chapter. The first one is Helpless When She Smiles, Backstreet Boys. The second is My Everything, 98 degrees. And the last is of course Love To Burn from the show.

Chapter Four

_It's her birthday today_ He thinks to himself. He knew everyone had a big surprise party all planned out for her, and he was on board for it and even had the perfect songs lined up for his time in the light for her. But her song seemed to be haunting him. She'd always been one to convey her heart through song, and he was almost positive that hadn't changed since she'd moved to London. Contrary to what everyone else believed he'd kept everything that mentioned her, he'd bought her newest album, and he knew every song.

He's wandering through an antique shop trying to find something for her, anything that he deemed good enough. Sadly he was failing miserably and time was running short, he was down to two hours to shower and be ready for sound check at the party and wait for her arrival. In truth the only present he wanted to give her was a real proposal. Better than the one he'd given her the day she was offered this chance in London. But he knew it wasn't time yet.

He gives shopping another half an hour before he regrettably gives up and heads back to her place to get ready with the others. They were all taking advantage of the fact she was in studio all day working on starting her fifth album. Her fourth had dropped a few months prior.

By eight they were all assembled in ballroom of the Landmark London, the stage was set, the decorations were hung. They'd even run a sound check and made sure everyone knew what songs they were doing, how many, and when. Sadie was handling introductions along with Jamie, and Tom was the only one doing more than two songs. He had three planned and he was the surprise at the end of the set. After all, she'd never expect him to perform, even for her. He smiles slightly remembering how much begging it took for him to perform with her at the fair back home, or the year she talked him into doing the telethon.

Sadie was keeping an eye out for her arrival and suddenly flashes the signal; everyone gets down crouching behind anything possible as the lights were cut. Jude walks in reaching to turn on the lights at the same time calling out, "Hello?"

The moment the lights click on everyone pops out of their spots and scream, "Surprise!" And shocked was an understatement to describing the look on her face.

"Oh. My. God! Sadie! Jamie! What happened to just dinner with everyone?"

"There will be dinner, and a show!" Jamie announces proudly.

"Yes, so come, sit, and relax, enjoy the show. Dinner will be served shortly, but the show will be starting, sort of nowish." Sadie says, leading Jude to a small table right in front of the stage. There were other guests floating around the room, seated at various tables, mostly people she'd made friends with since she moved to London, as well as people from her new label.

SME started things off doing a few covers, as well as some of their own stuff before Speid took over solo for a couple songs. But his seemed to have a message, telling Jude how much she was missed back home, missed in all their lives.

They even had a few special guests, Hinder did a set, as well as Lifehouse before Jamie took the stage again and made his final announcement of the evening. "This next artist is a surprise for our birthday girl. We weren't truly sure this was going to pan out, that we'd get the artist to agree at the last minute. But they say miracles happen, and lucky for us we got ours. Jude, we all love you, happy 21st, hope you understand how special this next performance truly is." With that Jamie put the mic back in the stand and adjusted it according to the piano set up in the right corner of the stage.

The lights dimmed more than they had for any other performance; the curtain came down to allow Tommy to get situated before he started. He takes a deep breath preparing himself for his first solo performance, preparing to try and use his music to tell her just what he wanted her to know, the way she'd always done to him. His fingers begin dancing over the keys as the curtain lifts, his eyes watching the keys until he begins to sing. The moment his mouth opens and his voice breaks free his blue eyes seek out hers and rest there.

_She keeps her secrets in her eyes__  
She wraps the truth inside her lies  
And just when I can't take what she's done to me__  
She comes to me  
And leads me back to paradise  
She's so hard to hold  
But I can't let go_

_I'm a house of cards in a hurricane  
A reckless fire in the pouring rain  
She cuts me and the pain is all I want to feel  
She danced away just like a child  
She drives me crazy, drives me wild  
But I'm helpless when she smiles_

_Maybe I'd fight it if I could  
It hurts so bad, but feels so good  
She opens up just like a rose to me  
When she's close to me  
Anything she asked me to, I would  
It's out of control  
But I can't let go_

_I'm a house of cards in a hurricane  
A reckless fire in the pouring rain  
She cuts me and the pain is all I want to feel  
She danced away just like a child  
She drives me crazy, drives me wild  
But I'm helpless when she smiles  
When she looks at me (When she looks at me)  
I get so weak_

_I'm a house of cards in a hurricane  
A reckless fire in the pouring rain  
She cuts me and the pain is all I want to feel  
She danced away just like a child  
She drives me crazy, drives me wild  
But I'm helpless when she smiles_

When the song closes, his voice fading he stands moving towards the front of the stage, Jamie walks a guitar out to him as all eyes fall on Jude. Everyone closest to her heart watches her gauging her reaction to Tommy's performance, but to Tommy and Jude, they were the only people who existed now. He wants to make certain she's got the message he's trying to convey.

_The loneliness of nights alone  
The search for strength to carry on  
My every hope has seemed to die  
My eyes had no more tears to cry  
Then like the sun shines from up above  
You surrounded me with your endless love  
And all the things I couldn't see  
Are now so clear to me_

_You are my everything  
Nothing your love won't bring  
My life is yours alone  
The only love I've ever known  
Your spirit pulls me through  
When nothing else will do  
Every night I pray  
On bended knee  
That you will always be  
My everything_

_Now all my hopes and all my dreams  
Are suddenly reality  
You've opened up my heart to feel  
A kind of love that's truly real  
A guiding light that'll never fade  
There's not a thing in life that I would ever trade  
For the love you give it won't let go  
I hope you'll always know_

The second time he shifts into the chorus he blinks back the tears that form in his eyes, forcing them back.

_Oh  
You're the breath of life in me  
The only one that sets me free  
And you have made my soul complete for all time  
For all time_

As he falls into the chorus again Speid takes over guitar and he moves to the edge of the stage sitting down right in front of her.

_You are my everything  
Nothing your love won't bring  
My life is yours alone  
The only love I've ever known  
Your spirit pulls me through  
When nothing else will do  
Every night I pray  
Down on bended knees  
That you will always be  
My everything, oh my everything_

He stands then at the edge of the stage, mic in one hand, his other stretching towards her. His voice is thick with emotion he can't express in words when he speaks. "For this last one I hope the birthday girl will join me at the piano?" He gives her that look, the one she always said was just for her, and she was right.

Jude doesn't hesitate, like a magnet pulling them together as she reaches up and takes his hand letting him assist her in climbing onto the stage. A roar of applause follows her decision as he motions for her to perch on the piano the way she had at her place that first night. Only this time he wasn't just playing. The notes flowing around them were laced with familiarity. She knew this song, by heart. It was the one he'd written for her on her 18th birthday.

_I can live without you  
I'm happy by myself  
But you get to me  
You make me feel like there is no one else  
What you doin'  
Leaving hearts in ruins  
Can't you see  
For us to be  
That just won't fly with me  
Slow down  
Let's get it right  
Make it last  
Let's start tonight_

At this point she couldn't help herself; her angelic voice joins with his as she slides off the piano and onto the bench beside him. Unseen a hand lays upon his thigh as their voices join together for the remainder of the song.

_And you've got a love to burn  
Kisses for days  
Don't you wanna grab onto something real  
And never let it get away  
I don't have a love to burn  
Time to waste  
'Cause I've waited far too long  
For the spark to become a flame  
And if it comes true  
I only have a love to burn for you  
I'd see it through  
If I was sure you'd feel this way for me  
It's gotta be  
Much more than anything we say or loved  
To ever last  
I need to know it's not just touch and go  
That you are here to stay  
Here to stay  
That you are here to stay_

He holds the note just a second longer than her, their foreheads nearly touching before the applause that erupts from the audience brings them crashing back down to the reality of where they are. But she can't help herself and just as she rises from the bench she kisses his cheek. She whispers into his ear, "Thank you."

Jamie takes over, closing things up and switching everything over to the DJ they'd hired, starting with Jude's own "White Lines", with both Jude and Tommy off the stage and on the dance floor he bows slightly at the waist offering her his hand. "May I have this dance Harrison?"

She couldn't help the joy filled smile that plays over her features as she takes his hand and lets him pull her body to his as they move to the music. They move to a song they both know she wrote about him before they could really admit what was between them.

* * *


	6. Chapter Five

A/N Don't own, Don't sue.

Songs used: Time to Be Your 21, Alexz Johnson. I Still Love You, Alexz Johnson.

Chapter Five

It had been three days since the party. Three days and his voice singing to her, for her, is still echoing in her mind. She's sitting at her piano, trying desperately to write or at least take her mind off of it while the others are sleeping. The rooms were pretty well sound proofed so as long as she didn't get too loud with it she wouldn't disturb anyone. But she couldn't even seem to touch the keys now, and she hadn't since he'd played with her that first night.

She gives up and goes out to the balcony in nothing put loose fitting blue pajama pants and an oversized hoodie, one she'd "borrowed" from him once. She has the hood drawn up to hide her hair and her face as she rests her arms on the railing, leaning forward and staring out into the night at the city below her. She releases a breath she wasn't aware she'd been holding and closes her eyes taking a deep breath. She had to get things out even if she couldn't say it to the person she should. So she spoke her heart to the night around her the only way she was ever good at expressing it; through song.

_You never lied to me not once  
It's not your fault that I can't trust  
It's in my past  
It's in my path  
And I can't go there  
Making a mess out of this game  
To see it all go up in flames  
So tired of being ruthless and reckless_

_Time to be your only one  
To almost be you're way too young  
Time to crash into the sun  
Time to be your twenty-one  
Time to dream that love will last  
Time to drive my car too fast  
Time to walk before I run  
Time to be, oooh, time to be your twenty-one_

Her mind still processes the words she's singing, slowly but it happens. She is twenty-one now. She isn't too young now. So what's stopping them? She is, this time it's her own fault they aren't together, that they're living, but not as happy as they could be. Actually she suspects he's downright miserable, and it kills her. She feels like someone's watching her but she pushes the thought aside as she switches songs.

_If we walk away now  
There's no turning around  
Gotta say what I mean while you're here with me  
I'm not sure I'll find words to cover the hurt  
That I see in your eyes  
But I've gotta try_

He's careful to be quiet as he approaches her, not wanting to interrupt her. It'd been so long since he heard her like this, just freely pouring her heart out in song with force behind it. No deadline, no recording equipment, and no music.

_And the rocks turn to sand  
And hearts can change hands  
And you're not to blame  
When the sky fills with rain  
But if we stay or walk away  
There's one thing that's true  
I still love you  
I still love you_

_Can you search down inside  
Let go of your pride  
If I forget trying to win  
And just let you in  
We didn't drive this far  
To watch it all fall apart  
So give me your hand  
And take a chance_

His brow arches listening, paying attention more now to the words falling from her lips than the angelic sound of her voice as it echoes in the night around them. He couldn't help but wonder if she meant them. Does she still love him?

_And the rocks turn to sand  
And hearts can change hand  
And you're not to blame  
When the sky fills with rain  
But if we stay or walk away  
There's one thing that's true  
I still love you_

_Right here with me  
As close as before  
Whatever happens I won't ask for more  
Here in my heart  
From now until the end  
Flame out of fire  
We have to try again_

_And the rocks turn to sand  
And hearts can change hand  
And you're not to blame  
When the sky fills with rain  
But if we stay or walk away  
There's one thing that's true  
I still love you_

Yeah I still love you  
And if we stay or walk away  
There's one thing that's true  
I still love you  
Yeah I still love you  
I still love you…

He waited until she finished reaching out and pulling the hood back from her features, in the same moment stepping beside her. He couldn't find words yet to speak. So he just stares at her with his intense blue eyes, haunted, broken, and full of unanswered questions.

"Tommy…" She says his name like a breath as she turns to face him, reaching up and touching his cheek with her hand. She could see the hurt in his eyes and it broke her heart. She knew she'd caused him that pain when she left, but he'd loved her enough to let her go. Allowed her to spread her wings, but was he waiting?

She opens her mouth to say more but he reaches up and presses two fingers gently to her lips shaking his head with a sad smile. "Don't girl. I just… I want to enjoy you while I can." He couldn't bear it if she brought them up and changed her mind again. He wanted her to be certain before she made the choice again, and he didn't think she'd had nearly enough time yet. But he knew that look. He swallows heard, fighting his own emotions as he removes his hand from her lips and lays it over her hand that still rests on his cheek. He turns his head slightly kissing the palm of her hand before he brings her hand down but still holds onto it.

"Am I still your girl?" She asks, biting her lower lip as soon as the question passes them.

"Always…" That one question nearly broke him, nearly destroying his ability to still allow her the freedom she'd asked for a year ago. After all, a year wasn't long enough to spread your wings was it? To get the things out of your system all young people want to? He brings her hand up to his lips and kisses it again before releasing it and turning back for the door, facing her only long enough to say, "Mind if I borrow a car for a bit?" All she could do was nod in response, he knew where to find the keys, so he disappears inside long enough to grab them and head out into the night to drive. He needed to think, clear his head. She seemed to be implying things he couldn't wrap his head around.


	7. Chapter Six

A/N Don't own, Don't sue.

Sorry I know this chapter is a bit shorter than some of my others. Trying to set up for some serious Tommy/Jude drama! I know it's a little slow to start. Hope you enjoy!

Also, thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews! I am trying to post a chapter or two as I complete new ones. I know I don't like waiting a week for new chapters as I personally lack patience so I try and get a couple of chapters or more up a week for you guys! Enjoy!

Chapter Six

**Three months later…**

Sadie had been trying to keep an eye on Tommy since their return from London, seeing as Tommy and her sister hadn't parted on the best of terms she knew he was bound to be in a funk. But she hadn't expected it to be this bad. This afternoon when she'd arrived at his place she'd found him, unshaven, hung over, and looking worse than death. She hated prying but if she was going to help her ex, what else was she going to do? Seated in a chair across from where he still lays on the couch, forcing himself to stay awake to talk to her. "What's wrong Tommy?"

"She's moved on… I mean… I want her to be happy Sades…" He starts, unable to finish his thought.

"But…"

"Selfish as it sounds, I want her happy, with _Ime/I_ I know it makes me a horrible person, a horrible friend…"

"Just makes you human Tom. But how do you know she's moved on?"

"She's got everything Sades…"

"Everything but you, you can't tell me you couldn't see it. She loves you, she never stopped. Even if she isn't ready or able to tell you yet. Maybe she doesn't think you'll give her another chance after what happened when she left?"

"Sades, I still want to marry her."

"Have you told her that?"

"No…"

Sadie reaches behind her and grabs a pillow off the chair she's sitting on and throws it at him, hitting him in the head. "Idiot! You can't expect her to just know that you'd still be with her, that you'd be hers if she's ready. Not with the history you two have."

"But…" Tommy's cut off by his cell phone going off. He reaches down grabbing it from the floor and frowning at the caller id. It was New Brunswick, the home where his mom was residing. A call from them couldn't be good. He gets up quickly flipping open his phone and answering his phone as he steps into another room to handle the call.

Sadie wasn't about to eaves drop, but she was worried about the guy. She pulls out her own phone and to keep the risk of him overhearing anything down she texts rather than calls Speid.

**Sadie: Any ideas on what can pull Q out of his self destructive path?**

**Speid: Only one thing has that kind of power dude…**

**Sadie: Jude?**

**Speid: Jude. How bad?**

**Sadie: Bad. Worse than before London, looks like it'll get worse. **

**Speid: Why?**

**Sadie: GTG, TTYL, he's back.**

She closes her phone quickly stuffing it back in her overly expensive hand bag and looks up at Tommy as he enters the room. "Something wrong Tom?"

"Uh… yeah… Look Sadie I appreciate you coming over to check on me… but I have to go out of town for a while. I don't know when I'll be back. Family issues."

She makes her way to the door, turning back to look at him seriously for a moment. "If you need anything Tom, you can call me. I know I'm not her… But I'll do what I can." All he could do was nod, so she slips out of the door leaving him to pack.

Once inside her car she pulls out her phone and calls Speid. He was immature and drove her crazy but he'd have the answers she needed, and in truth he had grown up a little after going solo and marrying Karma. After the second ring Speiderman picked up. "Hey, he's heading off to New Brunswick today; he got a call something to do with his mom I think. I have some money, but I don't think it'll be enough."

"What have you got in mind?" He asks, though he already suspects what the older Harrison sister is up to.

"One first class ticket from London to New Brunswick."

"How much have you got?"

"About five hundred, the flight will cost a couple thousand, especially so last minute. I'll get some what of a discount considering she's Jude."

"Give me an hour, let me round everyone up and we'll pool our resources."

"The hotel Harrison, in one hour," She hangs up sighing as she pulls into the drive way of the house that theses days felt more like a hotel. Karma and Speid were currently in the studio but since their eviction from the set of their show they'd been staying with Sadie. She didn't mind, it kept the large house from being too creepy and lonely with Jude gone. Now all she had to do was call said sister and wait for the rest of the group to arrive with the funds to allow her to put the ticket on her card and set her up with an E-ticket.


	8. Chapter Seven

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

Song: Deeper, Alexz Johnson.

Chapter Seven

She takes a deep breath, silently questioning why she had agreed to accept the ticket her sister and friends had purchased for her. Well beyond the fact it was non-refundable and her sister had used two words that she knew Jude couldn't turn down; Tommy – Trouble. She couldn't stay away knowing there was something wrong, and it was more than just his mom. Her sister had indicated that there was something wrong with him as soon as they'd returned from London. He just wasn't himself, and she had a sneaking suspicion she knew why.

She grabs her duffel bag from the luggage carousal and throws it over her shoulder, her hood up, the same hoodie she'd worn of his in London, and dark glasses to keep the paparazzi from bothering her. She was here for one thing and one thing only; Tommy. Once outside of the airport she climbs into her rental car, heading straight for Tommy's parent's place. She knew the kitchen had been burnt but even if no one lived in that house she remember Tommy had family that lived next door who might know where she could find him. She wasn't about to try and call him, she didn't think he'd honestly tell her where he was no matter how broken the man was he had more pride than anyone she knew. There was only one way to break into Tommy Q, and that requires being face to face with him.

She pulls up to his cousin's place climbing out of the car and removing the hoodie tossing it into the car before locking it. She pulls down her navy blue cotton button down shirt, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, and of course a pair of faded flare jeans and her boots. Her shoulder length blond hair is pulled back in a lazy bun as she shoves her hands into her pockets going up to the door. She pulls one hand out long enough to knock on the door before hiding it again.

The door opens almost instantly and she looks up at his cousin, speaking with a steady confident voice, despite being anything but confident. "Hey, can you tell me where I can find Tommy?"

"Jude right? Come in," Selena steps aside letting her in to the small house and motioning for her to follow her. "He's been like this any time he's here since he got in about two days ago. He gets up long enough to go see his mom and the bathroom."

She looks at the woman like she's crazy, there was no way Tommy was that self destructive. She'd seen him bad before, like after he broke the glass in the studio when trying to kick Speid out. That had been bad. But this sounded a lot worse. What she was being told from everyone sounded more like he was giving up, on everything that mattered to him. She doesn't know what to say as she opens the door to the room Tommy's staying in. She does it so quietly her presence goes unnoticed in the darkened room; Tommy has his back to her which gives her even more of an advantage.

He's curled in the fetal position as she sits carefully down on the edge of the bed. His voice is rough, almost foggy, "Go away Selena… I'm not hungry."

"No can do Quincy, I'm not Selena."

He turns over quickly, propping himself up on his elbows once he's on his back looking at her like she's a ghost. "Jude?"

She leans over turning on a lamp that rests on the nightstand beside his bed so she can really see just how un-Tommy he is. "You look like hell Tommy. What's going on with you? This is more than just your mom, isn't it?"

"It's a lot of things, but nothing for you to be worried about. Don't you have an album you're supposed to be working on?"

"I took time off, my new manager is actually a lot easier to work with than D. Tommy I have every reason to be worried. Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"How did… Sadie told you didn't she?" He glares.

"Actually… conference call from her, Speid, Wally, Kyle, and Karma. They're all worried about you. I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, just some business to handle here before I can go back to Toronto."

"Tommy…"

"I… It doesn't matter." He pushes himself up sitting up but not allowing himself to look at her. He was a broken man, and she in part had been the one to break him. No woman was supposed to be able to do that, not to him. He'd been alone all of his life and survived scathed, but he could function. Now, he couldn't even function.

"It does matter Quincy, a lot. You're completely self destructive. You can talk to me, always." She reaches out her hand curling it against the side of his unshaved face, her thumb brush against his cheek.

Feeling drawn to her he looks up into those ever loving bright blue eyes, and that's what kills him. He can still see the love in them, but he doesn't think it belongs to him any more. His hand lifts and rests on hers as he turns his head kissing the palm of her hand, but doesn't pull away from her touch. He sighs, lowering his gaze, " I've lost everything that matters Jude… I've never felt so lost. And I never thought it would hurt so badly."

"What hurts?"

His voice is barely a whisper, "You." His answer is so simple and almost unheard, despite how close she is to him.

"Tommy?" her voice betraying her confusion as she watches him get up from the bed.

He paces, almost angrily as he talks. "I know. I've done it to you more than once. God if I'd known this is what you… I don't know how you ever forgave me; I don't know why you ever gave me another chance. I have been trying, so hard, to let you go like you asked. But I never imagined it'd be this hard." He looked defeated in the soft glow from the lamp. "Everything just feels… hollow with you gone Girl. Dark, like when you left you took all the light with you. I can handle just being friends, I can live with that; it's something we've done a lot over the years. But this? I can't stand having an ocean between us…"

"Tommy…" But his name, spoken like a lover's kiss, is all she gets out before the door opens and Selena is standing in the doorway.

"Sorry to interrupt Tom, but the home called, they've taken her to the hospital. She totally lost it, went on one of her rants, and they think she had a heart attack," Selena said, trying to hold herself together. It was only her aunt, but it was family. "Do you want to ride with me, or…" She looks towards Jude a moment.

"I can drive you Tommy, if you want…" She knew this was a touchy subject for him, hard for him to let her be involved in it.

"I'll be down there soon Selena." Selena nods and leaves them alone, Tommy moves to a bag on the floor and pulls out a pair of holey jeans and a black t-shirt. He doesn't concern himself with the fact she's in the room, he changes regardless in a matter of seconds. Finally he looks up at her, ready to go, "Thanks."

She walks towards him, reaches up and pushes his hair back, curling her hand against his head and tilting it down as she kisses his forehead. She then leans into him and whispers, "I'll always be here for you." She leads him out to the 2008 silver jeep wrangler she'd rented.

They drive to the hospital in silence; the only sound is the radio, playing one of her songs. As they pull up to the hospital she sings along with herself the last part of the song.

_You and I go deeper  
Where everything's unspoken  
And the rest is so wide open  
To me now  
Yeah, yeah_

He just stares at her for a moment, god he loved listening to her, more so in person. But reality reminds him of where they are and he climbs out of the car, knowing he had to do something to show her he wanted her there with him. That he needed her. He walks around to her side of the car opening her door and holding his hand out to her, lightly squeezing it when she takes it.

He lets go of her hand when they get close to the nurses station, she watches him walk up to the young nurses and put on his usual charming act nodding as they provide him with his mother's room number. He walks back to Jude, saying nothing as he grabs her hand and leads her to the elevator.

They reach the fourth floor in total silence still, he didn't know what to say to her, nor she him. They both jump at the chiming sound of the elevator reaching their floor; she follows him off of the elevator and down a white hall as he searches for the correct room. He pauses in front of room 418. He seems almost frozen in place.

"Tommy… it'll be okay." She leans in whispering to him, she didn't want to announce to his mother that they were standing outside of her room.

"Give me a minute?" He watches as she nods leaning against the wall, he walks into his mother's room taking a deep breath as he walks around the curtain. "Hi mom…"


	9. Chapter Eight

A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

Chapter Eight

From her spot outside of the room she could hear quiet voices talking, but the volume wasn't growing yet, which for them was a good sign. She wasn't going to intrude on their time together; she wouldn't actually even announce her presence to Miriam unless Tommy initiated it. In all honesty she wasn't found of the woman. Sure she adored Jude, but the way she spoke of Tommy cut her deeper than she could ever say. She knew that even before she got sick Tommy's mother thought far too little of him, and she still didn't really know why. Truthfully she doesn't care either. She knows what a great person he is, what he's over come, and what he had made of himself. She was disappointed to learn he'd quite G-Major, but she couldn't entirely blame him with the things Darius was doing. What she still doesn't understand is why he has yet to find another job producing, or a way to start his solo album again.

While she waits for him to return or call her in, or whatever he plans to do, she can't help but think about what he had confessed to her back at his cousin's house. Isn't that what she wanted to hear? She still loved him, with the same intensity she always had. Hell maybe more so, after all she's twenty-one now. She shakes her head softly pulling herself out of her thoughts as Tommy comes storming out of the room. She follows him to the nearest smoking exit. She approaches him slowly as he leans over the railing, his hands curled so tightly against the cold metal his knuckles were turning white. She places her hand on his upper back, rubbing in gentle circles. "Want to talk about it?"

"I hate this!" He releases his hold on the railing only to slam his fists down on it before turning around and sliding down to the ground. He brings his knees up lazily resting his arms on his knees and hanging his head. "She looks so small, so helpless Jude… But I know when she recognizes me, her eyes, they change…" He couldn't even finish his sentence. He leans his head back against the cement the railing is set in, but still not meeting Jude's gaze.

She kneels down beside him, reaching up she runs her fingers through his hair. "She just didn't get the chance to know you Tommy, to really know you. She only knows what you were once, not who you are now. Who you became when you grew up." She knew it wouldn't comfort him much, what could really comfort someone in his position? His mother could die and even if she didn't the Alzheimer's is too advanced for anyone to change her opinion of him, for her to really realize just who he grew up to be.

"But she's right, I'm worthless. I wasn't good enough for you…"

"Tommy… I went to London for me, not because of you. I needed to know I could do it without you holding my hand, so that when I ask for another chance I'll have you because of love, not because I don't think I can function without you."

"But don't you see Girl? You never needed me; it was always the other way around." He leans into her touch sighing heavily.

"You're wrong Quincy." But she wasn't able to say anything further when a doctor came out in search of them.

"Mr. Quincy?" He said, uncertain as he looked at the name listed on his sheet. Tommy still wouldn't use his real last name, even when it concerned his mother.

"Yes?" Tom stands to his feet pulling Jude with him as he approaches the doctor.

"Will you follow me to my office please? I need to discuss your mother's case with you." He and Jude both follow him back inside and down the hall to his office, he turns to the pair. "I'm afraid I can't discuss this with anyone not of the immediate family.

Without thinking Tommy said, "She's family, she's my fiancé." And she had been at one point, and he hoped she would be again some day. But he knew he couldn't face whatever news the doctor had on his own. He glances at Jude hoping she'll play along, for his sake. He feels her squeeze his hand gently, proving she was there for him.

"Very well, both of you have a seat." He waits until they're both seated across from his desk before opening the file and laying it front of him. "Her heart is weak due to the heart attach, but after she was admitted we discovered something else. Her liver is failing, and her kidneys are shutting down which means she can't filter things out of her system. I need you to sign the consent form for us to put her on dialysis. Because of her drinking however she's not a candidate for a transplant, I'm sorry."

He was shaking as he reaches for the pen to sign the form in front of him. He'd heard the words the doctor had spoken but they were only slowly registering in his mind. The gist of what he gathered from the information was that she wasn't going to survive this.

"Now, your mother has a DNR on file, as well as a medical directive. But when she is unable to make decisions for herself, you're the proxy. It's ultimately your call."

"Is there anything that can be done?" He heard Jude ask beside him, he is unable to form words still.

"We can keep her comfortable mostly; so long as she's able to breath on her own she has a chance at a few months, a year at the most."

"Thank you doctor," he heard Jude say before he felt her stand and take his hand pulling him with her. He follows her silently, letting the information really sink in. His mother is dying.

She takes him back outside to allow them privacy and for him to get some air. He slides down with his back against the railing again and feels her kneel down beside him. He leans forward with his head in his hands trying his best not to cry, not to fall apart. All he wants to do is drink himself under the table and curl up in bed and crumble into nothing.

She reaches out rubbing his upper back in slow circles before switching and running her fingers through his hair soothingly. "I'm here Tommy…" Was all she could think to say, verbalizing what her actions already proved, that she was there for him and would be, through whatever happened. She didn't say a word to the lie he told the doctor, she understood why he'd done it. In truth she hoped that she would eventually be his fiancé again, for real. Her mind kept playing the conversation they'd had in his room at Selena's and the one in London, over and over in her mind. But now wasn't really the time to ask for a second chance, was it?


	10. Chapter Nine

A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

Chapter Nine

**A month late **

Jude had been staying with him at Selena's for a month now. It was hard for her to fully grasp it had been a whole month since her sister and friends had flown her here to rescue Quincy from himself. Instead she found she had to rescue him from more than that, from life. His mother wasn't doing so well, her health had taken a turn for the worst and it seemed as though it wouldn't be long now before he lost her completely. It broke her heart to see him suffering, she feels helpless as she knows there's little she can do beyond being there for him.

Despite all he was going through, the pair still managed to find things to end up fighting over. The fire in which they fought was amazing, but it spoke of the passion that lay in both of them. Selena could see it; she'd never seen her cousin so full of passion. Sure he loved his music, and he was passionate about it, but it was nothing like the passion she saw him carry when it came to the blond.

The pair had just had one of their infamous yelling matches when Selena arrived home from her shift sitting with Miriam to find Jude storming out of the house and take off walking towards town. She sits down beside a fuming Tom. "So what was it about this time?"

"I don't know! God! She just… ugh! She drives me insane Sel." He sighs exasperated and throws his hands in the air in defeat.

She couldn't help but laugh, they had just fought and he had no idea what it was over. Of course she noticed that seemed to be a trend with them, their fights were always over something simple. She suspects some of it is normal for them and some of it is the guilt and stress he's in. "You'll mend things, you two always do."

"I don't know Sel… I think I'm losing her… I mean really losing her this time."

"Tom, she loves you. Anyone with eyes can see that. But you're going through a lot right now and you're honestly taking it out on her, and you're hiding like you always do. You're just thankfully staying out of trouble this time around."

"Ha-ha." He rolls his eyes at her as she points out his teenage reactions to his problems. He was always getting himself into some kind of trouble because he couldn't handle what was going on at home, until he left for Boyz attack.

"Tom if she didn't still love you, do you really think she'd be here?"

"Look Sel, I know you're right… I just don't know what to do about it. I don't want to push her away by asking for something she's not ready for. She left for London to find herself, to find out if she could get through things without me. I hate that I've interrupted it as it is, I won't push her and make it harder for her. God she's everything to me, and I still screw it all up."

Jude had taken off for the beach when she left Tommy's. Something she always did when they fought their hardest, it was the perfect place to clear her head when he was involved. Maybe because they'd gone there together to work so often in the beginning and that was something she really missed. She missed their habits, she missed working with him. Her new producer was great and she was learning to write on her own now, her music was fantastic even though it didn't have Quincy's input. But he was still her inspiration.

She sighs kicking the sand slightly with the toe of her boot before heading off towards the road. It was time to go back and mend things with him. She couldn't ever stay mad at him, and right now she honestly had no idea why they were fighting in the first place. Of course eight out of ten times she had no idea what their fights were about. They were both just stubborn and feisty, but that's what made them work. It was their fire and passion together that made them such a dynamite team, and an even stronger couple.

Lost in her thoughts as she walks down the road with her head down she doesn't see the car that's speeding towards her. She looks up at the last second as she hears the screech of the tires before everything went black as the car hit her and caused her to flop onto the hood before rolling off and falling limp on the ground in front of it.

The driver, a guy around eighteen years old frantically gets out of his car and starts screaming for help. In a matter of minutes there's a large group of people surrounding her unmoving body, someone with a cell phone calling the paramedics but no one risks moving her, seeing as she was breathing just damaged, badly.

The paramedics load her onto a gurney and place her in the ambulance, the driver asking the bystanders if anyone knew her, or knew who to contact. Finally Tommy's childhood friend, Ryan, steps around the gathered crowd as he saw them load her up. He recognized her instantly and made his way to the paramedic. He didn't want the entire crowd getting wind and realizing just who was in the ambulance. He whispers to the driver telling him to take her to the hospital where Tommy's mother is and tells them he'll contact Tommy himself and make sure he meets them there.

As soon as the paramedics drove off rapidly towards the hospital he takes off like a shot for Selena's house. Tommy and he still had issues after his last visit with the girl, but this was important and he knew it.

He literally pounds on the door, out of breath, when he arrives. As soon as the door opens exposing the usual disheveled Tommy he pants out the important parts. "Jude, accident, hospital," Tommy didn't even hesitate; he grabs Jude's keys that she'd left on the hook and headed for her Jeep. The moment he had it started he sped off for the hospital. He could feel the tears burning behind his eyes and threatening to fall, but he wouldn't let them. No, he couldn't lose her, not now and not like this.


	11. Chapter Ten

A/N Don't own, don't sue

Song: The Reason, by Hoobastank

I wasn't going to post another chapter so soon, but after the absolutely amazing review I received from alexia IS and all my other wonderful reviewers I decided to go ahead and post one more today. Now until I finish writing chapter fifteen I can't post any more because I don't want to fall behind with nothing to give you all! Chapter fourteen took me two days to write! So far it's my longest! Hope you enjoy this next chapter! XoXo

Chapter Ten

He arrives at the hospital and takes off like a shot in through the emergency room entrance, skidding to a halt in front of the nurse's station. "Jude Harrison, where is she? I was told she was brought in by ambulance, something about an accident?"

Thankfully, Maria was used to see him around with her visiting his mother and didn't question his relation to the patient. She types rapidly at her computer a moment before looking back up at him. "It looks like she was hit by a car, she's in surgery now, I'll let the doctor know you're here and as soon as he can he'll come down and talk to you Mr. Quincy. Just have a seat."

He couldn't sit, he couldn't stay still, not now not with her in surgery. He can't help but think; _she could die and not know what she means to me._ Sure he'd told her he still loved her, but there was so much more to it than that. After all, she still didn't know about the ring he keeps with him, always.

He paces in front of the doors he knew the doctor would come out of for over an hour before the doors finally open and he stops in mid stride. The man was young, looked like he might even be younger than Tommy himself, his white coat too clean to have been in the OR with his girl, but clipboard in hand Tommy couldn't move.

The young man looks at his clipboard for a moment before looking up and asking, "Who's here for Harrison?"

"I am." He looks at the doctor, almost like he's holding his breath waiting.

"Are you family?"

"Yes, I'm her fiancé, Tom Quincy."

He looks at Tommy skeptically; after all he hadn't noticed a ring on her finger. He pauses for only a moment more before continuing. "Ms. Harrison has sustained several injuries, but our biggest concern right now is stopping the internal bleeding. She has several of our best surgeons on her case though Mr. Quincy. But even when we get the bleeding under control she's going to have to stay for a few days for observation to make sure we didn't miss anything and to allow her ribs to heal some what. As it stands right now, if she moves wrong she could do some permanent damage, possibly even fatal."

"But she's okay? She's alive?"

"Yes"

"When can I see her?"

"Well by the time she's through in surgery visiting hours will…"

But Tommy interrupts him, "No, I'm not waiting for your visiting hours; I'm not leaving her until she's released. Now, when will she be out of surgery so I can see her?"

"She's got at least another hour of surgery ahead of her Mr. Quincy. Once she's in recovery someone will come and take you to her." And with that the young man went back through the doors behind him. He wanted to get away from Tom as quickly as possible; the look he'd gotten when he'd tried to point out the visiting hours was… Well if looks could kill.

Tommy resumes pacing; eyeing all of the medical staff to make sure no one tries to keep him from seeing his girl. Not that he could really tell if it was her they were talking about unless he catches her name, but it makes him feel marginally better. It's only about fifteen minutes after he's resumed it though that Selena arrives checking up on him before she plans to go sit with his mother seeing as he would obviously be busy for the night. "How is she Tom?"

"The doctor said she has a lot of internal bleeding, broken ribs. She'll be in here a few days, but she's also still in surgery for the bleeding." He looks like he'll crumble at any moment, trying so hard to hold it together.

"Do you want me to call anyone? Her family or friends?"

"Oh God! I didn't… I didn't even think to call them! I'm going to call her sister, look Sel if anyone comes out saying anything about her you come and get me okay? Someone is supposed to get me when she goes into recovery."

"I'll come find you. It's going to be okay Tommy."

He nods before taking off outside. Once outside he pulls out his cell phone and calls Sadie. He knew it was late but hoped she'd pick up any way. After all, she should know he'd only call this late if it was an emergency.

Her phone was one ring away from voicemail when she finally picked up. "Tommy? God… do you know what time it is?"

"Look Sades, I'm sorry I know it's late. But Jude…"

"What happened? What's wrong with my sister?" The tone in his voice, the way he said her sister's name she knew something was wrong.

"There was an accident… She was hit by a car. I… I wasn't there so I don't know much. I'm here at the hospital waiting for her to come out of surgery. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner I just…"

"It's okay Tom, you panicked. Anyone would. I'll call the others, we'll be there soon as we can get flights. And Tommy?"

"Yeah Sadie?"

"Take care of my sister."

"I will…" He closes his phone heading back inside just in time to hear an intern call his name.

"Tom Quincy?"

"Yes." He runs towards the intern stopping out of breath in front of him.

"Ms. Harrison is in recovery I was sent to take you to her. The doctor will see you in the morning to go over everything."

"Lead the way. Oh! Um, her sister will be arriving either late tonight or tomorrow, along with family friends. I don't care how against policy it is they just need like ten minutes so they can see for themselves she's all right."

"Mr. Quincy she's far from out of the woods yet…"

"I know! But they need to see her. Just ten minutes."

"All right, I'll talk to my resident, but ten minutes and they all go at least out to the waiting area or you'll all be banned til morning for sure."

"Agreed, ten minutes no more," Tommy sighs in relief and follows the intern to the recovery room. He felt his heart nearly stop beating when he took in the sight of her, covered in bruises and scraps, hooked up to machines, tubes coming out of her in several places. He could barely register the words the intern was saying beside him.

"She has a catheter in and oxygen, not as scary as it seems. She's a fighter from what I've seen. For now the man concern is making sure they have gotten all of the internal bleeding and that her ribs heal and don't splinter. If they splinter there's a risk of puncturing vital organs. The doctor will cover everything in detail when he comes in."

"Is she…"

"She's just sleeping, from the anesthesia. Once she wakes up just hit the call button and either myself or a nurse will come in and take a look and then she'll be moved to a room upstairs. Once she's moved up there I'm not sure if we'll be able to let you stay, it depends on if she has a roommate or not."

"I want her in a private room; I don't care about the cost."

"I'll make a note of that. I'll leave you alone now."

"Thank you." As soon as the intern leaves the room he slowly walks over to the side of her bead reaching out and brushing a stray blond strand from her face. It was then he notices his own hands are shaking with fear.

After about forty-five minutes of standing beside her bed he grabs a chair and pulls it up beside her bed then reaches up and very carefully takes her hand in his, his thumb brushing the back of it around the IV carefully. He leans over and kisses her forehead softly before sitting down in the chair and watching her. He then does the only thing he can think to do right now, he starts singing to her, something he wrote after he came back from London. After all, even when you're asleep you can hear music, he's sure of it.

_I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so, I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you  
I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear_

He lays his head down on the railing of her bed, allowing him the ability to close his eyes but still sing to her. Her hand still wrapped in his.

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you  
And the reason is you  
And the reason is you  
And the reason is you  
I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you  
I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you_

In the last line of the song he feels someone running their fingers shakily through his hair. He looks up, his pale blue eyes meeting her brighter pair and he stands immediately. "Girl, you're awake." Okay it was obvious she's awake, but he couldn't help thanking God she is. He reaches over and pushes the call button to let them know before looking down to her again running a shaking hand through her hair for no other reason than to touch her. "I…" But he's cut off by the arrival of the intern.

"Ah, Ms. Harrison you're awake. Good. There's a room open for you upstairs on the fifth floor so we're going to take you up there now." He looks to Tommy. "Mr. Quincy I need you to step into the hall so they can get the bed out, then you can follow us up." He said the last part to reassure Tommy that he was staying with his girl.

"All right." He leans over and kisses Jude's forehead carefully. "I'll be right outside Girl." She nods carefully, but still hasn't spoke.


	12. Chapter Eleven

A/N Don't own, don't sue

**A/N I want to say a huge thanks to my most recent reviewers! Actually to all my reviewers! You guys are fantastic! This being my first fic I never expected such wonderful reviews! I am so glad everyone is enjoying my story, it's making it a lot easier to avoid writers block let me tell you! Well seeing as I got yet again some wonderful reviews for the last chapter I decided I'll post another one! Enjoy! XoXo**

Song: Alexz Johnson, Deeper

Chapter Eleven

Once she's settled into her good sized private room on the fifth floor Tommy sits down in a chair beside her bed taking her hand again and trying to finish what he'd been about to say before. "Listen Jude… I'm so sorry, for everything… God half the time I don't even know why we're fighting, we just fight. You know?" He could feel the tears threatening, burning behind his blue eyes but he tries to hold himself together as he looks at her half lidded gaze and her broken body. He rambles on further just trying to fill the silence, unsure if she even can speak. "I called Sadie while they had you in surgery, she and the others will be here as soon as they can. I told the staff if they get in tonight to let them in at least for ten minutes to see you. They're only allowed ten minutes tonight though; it's well past visiting hours. If they try and stay longer they said they'll ban me from here for the night. I know it's probably completely selfish of me… but I… I really don't want to leave Girl…" His voice almost pleading the last part, hoping she would want him to stay.

Her lips part and she licks them before testing out her voice, it comes out raw and dry. Something that happens when you've undergone surgery and your voice has been unused for a while. "It's okay Tommy… Everything's… okay."

"Oh God…" Hearing her speak broke him and he releases her hand so he can used both to lower the railing in front of him. Once it's lowered he carefully grabs her hand again and buries his face on the bed beside her stomach. He can't stop the sobs that shake his body, or the hot tears that soak the bed.

She carefully pulls her hand out of his grasp so she can run her fingers carefully through his hair, though her hand still shakes. Her voice raw but so soft, "Shhh… Everything's okay now Tommy, just let go." She hopes her words aren't taken the wrong way of course, silently chastising herself for her poor choice in wording. She tries again, "Let it go baby, let it out." She knew how emotionally pent up he always is, and today she knew most have completely overloaded him. She just wanted to assure him it was safe to let it all go, that she's there with him always.

His sobs slow, not lasting more than a few minutes. Not because he didn't feel the need to cry himself to sleep at this point, but because he wants to be strong for his Girl. He looks up at her, closing his eyes for a moment as he feels her hand brush away his tears gently. Once her hand lays on his again he opens his eyes to look at her through a glaze of unshed tears. "I was so scared today Jude. I thought… I thought I lost you. I love you, so much Girl, you're my whole world. If… I… I don't think I could have survived it."

"Hey, you'll never loose me Quincy. I'll always be your Girl, you know that."

"Jude… you could have died today." And in saying it, verbalizing it he could feel the tears start again spilling down his cheeks.

"Hey… but I didn't, I'm still here Tommy and I'm not going anywhere," Deciding he needs something more tangible she very carefully moves over against the other rail. The intern had told her how she could move and not injure herself further and she'd taken his words to heart, she knew the severity of the situation. "Come up here."

"I… I might hurt you, besides isn't it against policy? Don't they have a one person per bed rule or something?"

"The hell with rules Quincy, when do we ever follow them?"

He couldn't help but smile slightly; he stands and raises the railing before very carefully climbing in bed beside her, careful of the wires. He lies on his side beside her, staring at her before he feels her pull him gently towards her. Unsure he hesitantly lays his head down on her chest, listening to the lull of her heartbeat. Then ever so carefully he lays his arm across her, making sure it's well below her ribs. Next thing he knows he feels her arm wrap carefully around him, her other hand playing with his hair.

"See? Heart's still beating…" She lowers her voice slightly before adding, "For you." She stops playing with his hair long enough to reach over to her tray for her water. She sips it slowly before setting it down and resuming her previous activity meant to soothe them both. She kisses the top of his head gently before turning her head enough to allow her to rest her cheek on the top of his head. She begins to sing softly to him, her voice melodic and soothing, like a lullaby.

_If we don't talk  
That's okay  
Cause I hear everything that you say  
You've got my heart tuned into you  
You hold this hurt inside  
It shows  
And you can't hide  
But if we open up we'll break through_

_You and I go deeper  
Down below where no one sees it  
Where you close your eyes and just believe it  
You and I go deeper  
Where everything's unspoken  
And the rest is so wide open to me now  
_

_You got broken once before  
Closed your heart off and said no more  
We were trying not to fall  
Afraid of letting go  
Wait until we know_

_You and I go deeper  
Down below where no one sees it  
Where you close your eyes and just believe it  
You and I go deeper  
Where everything's unspoken  
And the rest is so wide open to me now  
And the morning shines much brighter to me some how  
Maybe this can last forever  
If we follow what we feel  
And you love me like I know you will_

_You and I go deeper  
Down below where no one sees it  
Where you close your eyes and just believe it  
You and I go deeper  
Where everything's unspoken  
And the rest is so wide open to me now  
_

_You and I go deeper  
Down below where no one sees it  
Where you close your eyes and just believe it  
You and I go deeper  
Where everything's unspoken  
And the rest is so wide open to me now_

The day's events and his life over the past year or so had worn him out beyond comprehension, and finally feeling like he was home he falls asleep to the sound of her heavenly voice. Jude looks up as she hears people enter the room, raising a finger to her lips to let them know they all needed to keep it down, especially SME.

"Oh God Jude… Are you okay? What happened?" Sadie asks standing on the other side of her sister, afraid to touch her, afraid of breaking her.

"Yeah dude, and why is squinty in bed with you? I mean, is that safe?" Speid chimes in.

"It's fine guys, we both feel better this way. Sades I went walking to cool off, on my way back a car came out of no where. That's all I remember, til I woke up here with Tommy singing to me anyway." She runs her fingers through Tommy's hair softly smiling down at his sleeping form beside her. In all that had been occurring since she had arrived, while she had shared a bed and room with him, it hadn't ever been like this. This felt right. True it was more natural when he was holding her, but she didn't see anything wrong with being strong for him for a change. He needed it.

"Guys, why don't you go get the car, I'll be down in a minute then we'll get a hotel for the night and we can see Jude first thing in the morning when visiting hours start."

"Okay!" All of the boys said at once, including Jamie. Though while SME filtered out of the room Jamie steps around Sadie leaning over and ever so carefully hugging Jude before kissing her forehead, "He really loves you Jude."

"Okay now that they're gone… I'll make this fast so they don't try and kick Tommy out. You know I don't think he's looked that peaceful since you first went to London? Look, I am happy to know you're okay, so now I have to be big sister for him because he is drowning in you Jude."

"I know Sadie, I know. God I've missed him… But I had to know I could do it on my own, my music, everything. He was my crutch for so long, remember? And all we ever end up doing is fighting, but I guess… Hell I miss that. But now isn't the time, I'm in the hospital and that's bad enough. I'm taking him away from his mom enough with being in here myself, I won't interfere more by getting into that with him. Especially not until I figure it all out. I promise I'll think about everything you've told me." She waves as Sadie nods and leaves her and Tommy in peace, and she can't help looking down at him and smiling. Despite all the physical pain she's in, having him here beside her, close to her; it's heaven. "Good night Quincy, I love you." She whispers to him as she kisses the top of his head and rests hers on his falling asleep herself.


	13. Chapter Twelve

A/N Don't own, don't sue

**A/N I apologize that this chapter is short my faithful readers. However it's setting up for interesting things down the line! So stay tuned! And I adore all of your reviews! Also because of the absolutely amazing reviews I received from **LadyKatyUltimateFan **and **babybatkzk **I will also post chapter thirteen by Saturday!**

Chapter Twelve

She's been in the hospital for two days, SME, Jamie, and Sadie all visiting in rotation throughout visiting hours, and Tommy staying round the clock. He had Selena sneak him in some clothes and he'd snuck into Jude's shower whenever one of the group was there to keep the staff from finding out. He refused to leave her room for anything. But yet in all the time together neither one had ever brought up the one topic they needed to.

Jamie knew the pair all too well; actually all of them knew the two would avoid it til hell froze over if they could. He finally convinces Tommy to step out into the hall; it was the closest to leaving her he would do. SME and Sadie go with him, leaving Jamie and Jude alone for the first time. He shuts the door so the others can't hear what's going on. "Look Jude, I love you, you've been my best friend forever. Have you figured out what you want? I mean look at him, he's a wreck… Are you two going to be playing this game forever, do plan on doing it until you're both old and grey? Before you say it, don't, this isn't the time to joke about the fact he'll turn grey before you. Knowing his vanity he'll dye his hair anyway. But I'm serious, I mean you know you can do everything without him now, but can you see how badly he's hurting? I know he hurt you all the times he's left, but even you weren't this devastated."

"I know Jamie, I know. God it breaks my heart to see him like this, he looks so… lost." She frowns deeply looking towards the door. "It's not like I've ever stopped loving him…"

"But have you really told him that? Have you told him you want another chance? That you want him and all the drama it entails? I mean heaven knows nothing with you two is ever simple even when you're together. Either he's running off here, you're getting kidnapped twice… You can't just assume he knows or wait for him to make the first move Jude. I think this time he's too scared to make it, he's now felt what you did every time he left only it hit him harder because he doesn't have what you did. You had me and Sadie and SME to hold you together to be there for you. You're the only person he lets in, even when you two are at your worst you know he still goes to you."

She couldn't help remembering back before she left when he flipped out on Speid and he came to the rehearsal space looking for her, telling her to fix him. "Yeah… hey, Jamie… do me a favor?"

"Whatever you want rock star, what's up?"

"I need my journal, go with Selena she can show you where I was staying, it's in my bag in the usual hiding spot."

"You got it. I'm going to drag her to do that and let everyone else or at least Tommy back in before he has a nervous breakdown out there." They both chuckle at this before Jamie walks to the door looking out to find only Selena and Tommy in the hall. Tommy is pacing back and forth and Selena is trying to get him to stop and calm down. Jamie interrupts, "Hey you can go back in Tommy. She's doing fine, and remember she's being released in a few days." Tommy says nothing as he nods and walks past Jamie into Jude's room and takes his place beside the bed. Jamie looks at Selena, "We need a favor. Jude's got a plan working in her mind and she needs her song journal from your place."

"Please tell me it involves creating a happy Tom?"

"Hopefully, usually if she wants her journal she plans to write and 98 of her songs are about him. I think after all this she's finally starting to be ready to really give in and give things with Quincy a real chance."

"God I hope so. Otherwise I may end up planning his funeral the same time as his mom's…" She shakes her head taking off to fetch the journal.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

A/N Don't own, don't sue

**A/N Again thank you all for your wonderful reviews! The more outstanding reviews I receive the faster I work to try and get new chapters up! This is also a reasonably short chapter but trust me the next chapter is (I hope) well worth the wait!**

Chapter Thirteen

Jude was finally being released from the hospital, but instead of letting Tommy take her back to Selena's or taking her to the hotel where the others were, she insists the two of them go up and see Miriam. "Quincy the whole week I've been in here you haven't once gone to see her, she's your mom. I know it's hard for you, but I'm with you."

"Fine!" his voice had raised more than he intended for it to, not because he was mad, but because of the situation. It was beyond painful for him to deal with his mother in this depressive state, and on the occasion that she was conscious? Then it was even worse, and then all she could tell him was how worthless he is. It's not like he didn't know it anyway, after all he'd lost Jude. He hangs his head trying to fight back the tears burning his eyes and pretend he's tougher than he feels. He knew she wouldn't buy the act, she knew him better than anyone.

He feels her hand reach up and pull him towards her by placing it on the back of his head, her fingers laced within his hair. He can feel the rise and fall of every breath she takes from where his forehead now rests on her chest, until he sinks to her knees beside the bed she's sitting on and wraps his arms carefully around her waist. He lays his head in her lap, burying his face as her fingers dance through his hair soothingly. "Everything will be all right babe. Remember, you aren't the guy she knew. She's doesn't know Tom Quincy. It breaks my heart she doesn't know what you've become, because I know if she were capable of understanding it she'd be so proud Quincy. Just like I am."

He lifts his head to look up at her, confusion written on his face plain as day. She's proud of him? After all he's done to her? After all the times he'd broken her heart? Broken promises? His mouth opens to speak, but Jude beats him to it and continues on in her little speech. "Yes Tommy, I'm proud of the man you've become. I'm proud to know you. You've made mistakes, because you're human, but it doesn't erase all of the wonderful things about you, truly the mistakes don't even compare." She moves to stand and he leans back standing quickly so he can help her off the bed. He treats her like she's made of glass, so afraid of breaking her, and breaking the spell that seems to be on them. After all why else would things be going this good for him? She reaches up and cups the side of his face with her hand for a moment, then takes his hand into her own. "Let's go Quincy"

When they reach his mother's room Jude ushers him in, pausing only long enough to press a feather light kiss to his cheek. "This is something you need to do without me Quincy, but when you're through I'll be waiting." She felt as though she was sending him into the lions den at this point, and maybe in a way she was as his mother only remembered the Tommy he once was and not the man he had become. But if he was ever going to make peace with his past, he had to start with her, and it was something he truly needed to do on his own; just like she had needed to move to London on her own, to see if she could stand on her own two feet.

She walks out to the waiting room, slowly and carefully to meet up with her family and his cousin. Instantly she is enveloped in loving arms and a sea of words that though they are too mixed up to understand she knows everyone was worried, until suddenly Selena gently pulls her away from the group. She addresses them, "I need to borrow Jude for a minute, if Tom happens to come out before we get back just tell him we're outside and whatever you do; don't let him leave!"

Jude follows her outside into the cool night, wrapping her arms around herself as she looks confused at Selena. "What's on your mind?"

"Look I need to know, since you're being released… Are you leaving? Are you walking away from him again and going back to London?"

"Selena, I came here to be there for him through all of this. His mother is still here; my reasons for coming aren't…" She hadn't a clue how to finish that, what was she supposed to say? There was more to it than she was admitting to Selena. More than she was willing to fully admit at all. Tommy was the only one who ever understood her completely, even better than Jamie. Tommy saw her on a level no one did, and she saw him the same. She knew even if he couldn't ever say it he needed her through this the way she had needed him when she had first caught her dad cheating. Sure his home life was harder than hers, and had left him with more scars than her own childhood, but she still understood the need and she could see it in his eyes. But how was she going to portray that to Selena without telling her things Tommy wouldn't want exposed?

"I know, you want to pull him out of the pit of self-destruction Jude, but don't you get it? Even if you get him through to her death and after, if you leave him behind it's still going to destroy him all over again. He's loved, but not like he loves you. I gave him hell the last time you were here and you guys broke things off and then you split. But I didn't understand just how much you mattered; I didn't understand any of it. When he came back this time I knew, I could see it. You have a childhood friend in there that can't stand Tom and even he can see it. Why can't you? After the way he hasn't left your bed from the second he found out you were here…"

"I…" But she didn't get the chance to even try and formulate a response; Jamie had come rushing outside to them.

"Tommy… He…" He pauses bending down with both hands on his knees trying to catch his breath, feeling his lungs turn nearly to ice from the air around them. "I've never seen him like this Jude… Selena… She…" He holds his hand up trying again to catch his breath and finish. "Miriam slipped into a coma. Tommy took off."

"You let him go?! Are you crazy?! Isn't that the exact thing I asked all of you not to do?!" Selena growls at him.

"I beg pardon but I, we, did not _let_ him go! I don't know if you've seen him when he's in one of his moods and is determined… but he doesn't give you a choice! It's either let him or get run over and then he still gets away!"

"I'll go get him." Selena heads towards the door, but stops when she feels Jude's hand on her arm.

"Let me." As Selena nods Jamie puts his coat around her, seeing as while she had been discharged she hadn't changed into her own clothes yet and the hospital gown wasn't doing so well in the cool weather, and would be worse out in a more public local. She slips her arms through the sleeves before walking through the doors back into the hospital and through the ER heading out the door into the parking lot in search of Tommy. She saw her jeep still parked as though it hadn't moved since she'd been brought in. Where would he go?

She didn't know what had happened when he was alone with his mother, but if he had taken off without even looking for her she had a hunch as to where he would go. She knew she was in no condition to be walking in this after all she'd been through, but she doesn't care. She starts walking as quickly as she can towards the pier.

It hurts, more than she will admit to herself. She was in no condition for this, but it doesn't matter. Even if he won't admit it, he needs her now more than ever. The light inside her mind seemed to be tuned into a dimmer switch and over the course of time from the point she first saw him in London, to when she got the call from Sadie after their return, to now, she was realizing the reality of their situation. He needed her, like she needed him. They could survive without each other, but that wasn't living. Was it?

Nearing the pier she can see his dark silhouette in the distance standing at the edge hunched over, his hands buried in the pocket of his jeans. She nears him with silent steps born of slipper clad feet, biting her lower lip as the cold air has made her bare legs nearly numb now in the distance she's walked to him. But before she reaches him he sinks to his knees, his hands coming out of his pockets to lay flat on the cold damp boards below him. She knew he wasn't crying, not yet, his broad shoulders weren't moving enough for that. No, Tommy was still fighting it with every ounce of strength he has left.

She reaches him, kneeling down beside him, and before he even has a chance to realize she's there he can feel her arms encircling him. He tries to fight it at first, tries to brush her off. She doesn't let him, she tightens her hold on him and in time he stops fighting her knowing he won't win. He can feel his walls crumbling down around him, she's the only one who could ever do that, could ever shatter his walls without a single word passing her lips. As he finally gives in her hold shifts slightly, one hand coming to rest on the back of his head, her fingers entwined in his dark silky hair to hold him against her as tight as she is physically capable.

She holds onto him like this for a couple of minutes before he finally wraps his arms around her slender frame, ever so careful of her still healing ribs, pulling her closer to him and clinging to her like a life line. He takes a deep shuddering breath and it's the last before the dam breaks and the tears burst their way through pouring down his cold stubbly cheeks. It wasn't long before the tears became sobs that shake his body and hers, his body tenses even though he can't stop what has started it's as though he still fears that such a weak act will be what breaks them for good. As though he fears that his finally crumbling beneath everything he's ever gone through and is going through now will cause her to push him away and be done with him for good. So he clings tighter, large strong fingers curling into the coat he knows doesn't belong to her.

But she doesn't, to his shock and complete wonder she doesn't push him away, instead her own hold on him tightens. It's almost as if she's cradling him against her tightly, her fingers toying with the hair at the back of his neck soothingly, finger tips dancing over the skin below. Then her voice breaks through the sound of the waves around them and his own heart wrenching sobs, the softest whisper against his skin with the sweetest and kindest words she can utter, "It's okay Tommy, everything's okay, just let go babe… Let it all go…" She continues to whisper soothing words to him, and between them placing chaste kisses to his neck and cheek.

He clings to her for near half an hour before his sobs subside and he begins to steady his breathing. He pulls back to look at her through the tears still pooling in his pale blue eyes. He stares at her for the longest time without saying anything, and then he lifts his hand and touches her cheek with a shaking hand. "After all I've done, why Girl? Why did you come here?" It wasn't said in anger but in pure confusion, with all his mom had said before the coma, and in his life. All the things he'd told himself he was because of his short comings and his mistakes.

She can't help the gentle smile that graces her lips as she looks at him with starlit blue eyes, her hand cups the side of his face right at the jaw line; "Because you need me Thomas Dutois." Her hand slides back to the back of his head and she pulls his head towards her own until their foreheads touch. "Because I still love you."

He looks at her, brows knitting together in confusion. It was the first time she had ever called him by his real given name, and in the same breath she'd even said she loves him. She still loves him. He knows it's not the same as wanting to be with him, as being ready to be with him, but he was willing to take what he could get right now. "God, I love you so much Jude." He couldn't admit she was right about needing her, but God he did. He just couldn't say it. A sudden breeze catches them both, but it's Jude that shivers noticeably, her hand shaking against his head but she doesn't break contact. He pulls back looking down at her for the first time since she'd arrived and his eyes widen. "Girl, are you insane? You could catch your death out here like this! You just got out of the hospital!" He doesn't even try and hide the fear in his voice, the fear he won't give name to, but she knows. He stands and pulls her to her feet; he removes his jacket and has her hold it, before scooping her up bridal style and cradling her carefully against his chest and letting her lay his jacket over her bare legs to shield them from the cold. She doesn't argue with him, she just keeps her arms around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder and allows him to carry her back to the hospital.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

**This is my longest chapter to date! Hope you like it! Also I don't own the song at the end of the chapter; it's I Still Love You by of course Alexz Johnson!**

**Also I want to thank all of you amazing and faithful readers/reviewers! Your wonderful words make it a lot easier to stay motivated and keep this baby going! I've just finished writing chapter seventeen last night and so that still has me three ahead of what I've posted! I plan to keep it this way to the end if I can so that I don't leave you guys with too much of a gap between chapters! So, without further adieu... On with the story! Enjoy!**

Chapter Fourteen

**Two weeks later…**

Sadie and the others had all flown back to Toronto a couple of days after Jude was released from the hospital, though Sadie had been beyond hesitant about it. In truth despite her ordeal Jude was physically fine; her biggest concern now was Tommy. She'd gotten through to him to an extent, but he still had a wall around himself she hadn't torn down.

Every day she goes with him to visit his mother, some days she waits in the waiting area and other days she sits with him in her room, but she remains comatose. Her body was slowly shutting down; at least that's what the doctors had told them. But Tommy never seemed to hear them; he seemed to be off in his own world every time they spoke so it was a good thing they'd adjusted to having to talk to her as well.

Tommy stands in just a t-shirt and jeans in the backyard staring up at the moon, a cold front had settled in and had dropped the temperature significantly, but he doesn't care. It had been two days since he'd eaten anything, or drank; he hasn't slept more than an hour a night since then either. The doctors were telling them it could be mere days now before his mother would be truly gone. Since Jude's return from the hospital he had taken up residence on the couch and had given her his bed. She'd argued it but in the end he had won, after all she had recently been hit by a car and had injuries that needed time to heal. In truth he just didn't want her to worry about his own lack of sleep.

He knew his behavior was doing damage, he could feel his body temperature rising, could feel the chills coming. He was getting sick and he knew it, he just couldn't bring himself to give a damn. She cared about him, she loved him. She'd admitted as much, but it wasn't like that. He wasn't going to allow himself to think it was. The romantic or maybe just the delusional child inside still held onto a sliver of hope for them some day. But that day wasn't today. But that's the reason he held onto the ring, kept with him always. He'd decided actually to put it on a thick silver chain which is currently around his neck, but the ring is hidden beneath his shirt.

He leans himself against a tree and he can feel her even before he hears the tell tale slam of the screen door and the crunching sound her feet make across the dried grass in her converse sneakers. His head remains down, a veil of dark unkempt hair his attempt to shield himself. His pale blues settled on her feet as she stands in front of him, until her hand curls under his chin and brings his gaze to meet her own concerned electric pools of blue. Her eyes reminded him of the sea, even now. He frowns as he watches her yank her hand back, startled by the heat of his skin in the cold night air.

"You shouldn't be out here, you're burning up Quincy." Yes she still used his made up last name, but she used it like a pet name not a name that should remind him of the person he had pretended to be when he chose it.

He shakes his head. "I'm fine Harrison. It's nothing…"

"I might be blond, but I'm not stupid. Though with everything that's happened and all that you're doing to yourself it's no wonder you're getting sick." She reaches out and grabs his hand before turning back towards the house, dragging him behind her. She wasn't asking, she was demanding he follow her but without even using her words.

He couldn't resist her, no matter how much part of him wanted to. The part that wanted to follow her to the ends of the earth always won, especially now. In truth, part of him wanted to let her do this. If only for a little while he could pretend they were a 'we' again. Like everything was perfect between them. He could pretend she was the loving, doting, girlfriend and not just the friend who had come here out of pity. At least that's the reason he tells himself.

Once inside the house she motions for him to sit down at the kitchen table. He raises a brow at her, he had heard stories of her cooking ability or lack there of. "Um Jude… you're not planning to cook are you? I mean it's sweet and all but…"

She lifts a hand waving it in the air to cut him off as she opens the fridge. "No. Selena told me she left some stuff in the fridge we could heat up. She went to stay with your mom a while, talk to the doctors, and give us some time to ourselves." She pulls out some rice casserole thing and looks at it with a raised brow before shrugging her shoulders and shutting the fridge. She sets the Tupperware container on the counter for a moment before pealing off the lid and opening the microwave. She looks for a reheat button for a moment before finding it and pressing it according to the size of the container.

"I'm really not hungry…"

"Don't care, you're eating."

"No."

She turns to face him, her back pressed against the counter as she glares at him. "Why are you doing this? Why do you keep going on this self destructive path? What good do you really think it'll do anyone? Next I'm going to find out you've gone suicidal on us too." She watches him flinch at the accusation, like a deer caught in the headlights before he tries to look at anything but her. "Seriously Tommy? Are you out of your mind?"

"I haven't done anything…" his tone sheepish, seeing as he'd more than thought about it, but in the end he had simply chickened out for the time being. It was a stupid fleeting moment.

"Damn it Quincy!" She crosses the short distance to where he sits and punches his arm, hard. "Cut it out! I swear if you don't I am going to… I don't know what, but it won't be pretty! You are so much better than this!" Her voice was rising with every word out of pure irritation. "You don't want me to leave you, but you're willing to leave me? Is that it? What kind of logic is that?"

He couldn't really think of something to say to that as he rubs the spot she'd struck. What could he say? It would kill him in so many ways to watch her die, to lose her that way. But leaving her? He figures she'd be better off without him in her life mucking things up every time. He can't help feeling as worthless as his mother kept reminding him he is, well until she went comatose that is. Now there was no hope for her to see him any other way. He still doesn't really know how to deal with someone seeing him as better than that. He can't handle someone seeing him as a good man, or maybe he just can't handle thinking of himself as one.

She reaches out, her fingers brushing his hair behind his ears before they dance softly against his cheeks. "I know she's your mom Tom, but that doesn't make her right. Parents can be wrong too you know." Her smile is so soft, so gentle, so Jude. The shrill beep of the microwave having completed its task forces her to pull her hands back and break his gaze. She pulls the steaming container from the microwave, swearing under her breath before grabbing plates from a cupboard above her head. She dishes up a decent helping for both of them, though more for him than her and grabs spoons. She sets the plates on the table before getting two glasses from the same cupboard and putting them on the table and filling them with ice and water. She takes a seat beside him and motions to the food in front of him. "Eat. Please Tommy?" She bats her long silky lashes at him softly and smiles. Such girlish charming tactics weren't her style so it was more to get a laugh from him than anything, but she does want him to eat. Her eyes plead with him and it's only a moment before he gives in and silently starts eating.

Half way through the meal she starts talking again breaking the eerie silence that surrounds them. "After this you've got two choices, a shower or a bath. It'll make you feel better."

"A bath, on one condition," he grins devilishly at her during his pause before going on to name said condition. "You join me." His expression then grows wishful, almost pleading. "I just want you with me; I want to pretend, just for a while."

It breaks her heart to hear him talk that way. He spoke as though he thought they'd never be together again. In truth she wants nothing more than that, but she doesn't think now is the time to admit that. Not in the midst of all he's dealing with. She doesn't allow the heartbreak to show in her expression as she playfully considers his condition before nodding, "All right Quincy. And that hair of yours is getting washed, and cut."

"Uh… I don't know about that last part… have you ever cut hair before?"

"Sure. I've cute Speid's hair a few times, and Jamie's. Trust me."

He looks at her skeptically as he finishes the food she'd put in front of him. Noticing she'd also finished he stands taking both their plates and putting them in the sink before rinsing them off so as not to leave dried food for Selena later. He grips the sink for a moment, paling before he shakes his head trying to shake off the wave of nausea that had crashed over him. That was truly the last thing he wanted her to see him do. How attractive would that be!?

She heads to the bathroom starting the water for the bath and pulling out two large towels, a wash cloth, and the soaps. She then goes into the bedroom and pulls pajama pants and a t-shirt out for him and pajama pants and a tank top out of herself. By the time she returns to the bathroom Tommy is standing there in nothing but his plaid boxers. He doesn't notice her enter the bathroom as he leans over to turn off the tap. She can't help smiling as she watches him, watching each muscle ripple with his movements. She can't help loving him either and it hits her like a tidal wave all over again. She quietly lays the clothing on the counter just as he turns around to face her and cries out. "Jude! You scared me to death! God Girl."

She can't help laughing, her arm lying across her stomach as she does, "I'm sorry. I was just watching you; I didn't mean to scare you."

"And what do you find so funny?" He closes the short distance between them, his face inches from hers now as he stares down at her.

"You shrieking like that Quincy." She grins up at him before moving around him and removing her clothing preparing to get into the bath. She steps into the tub and sits on the back of it waiting for him. "Come on Quincy."

"I did not shriek!" He protests with a low playful growl before stripping off his boxers and climbing into the warm water. He sinks down in front of her his head laying back into her lap as she grabs a cloth and dips it in the water.

She rubs a bar of soap into the cloth until it suds before rubbing it gently across his chest, neck, and arms and down to the rest of what she can reach from this position. She rests the side of her head on the top of his for a moment as she dips the cloth back in the water rinsing it before rinsing the soap off of his skin. She re-soaps the cloth and sits up motioning him forward as she washes his back. Most of this he truly was capable of doing himself, but she wanted to show love in something more than words and this was one of many ways she planned to do it.

As she rinses his back clean she grabs a cup and has him tilt his head back into her lap, she smiles down at him as he stares up into her eyes. She pours the water on his hair and uses her hand to keep it out of his eyes. She does this a couple of times before grabbing the shampoo bottle and having him lift his head again as she lathers up his hair. Her fingers massage his scalp gently for several minutes before she repeats the first process again. Once she was certain all the soap was out of his hair she sets the cup aside and trails her fingers along his upturned cheek a moment until he shifts scooting back into her and resting his head on her leg. She reaches down and runs her fingers through his hair, playing with the damp strands.

They remain there until the water turns cold, then she stands and he follows. She grabs a towel and hands it to him before grabbing her own and wrapping it around herself as she climbs out of the tub. She watches him out of the corner of her eyes as he dries off and dresses in the clothes she'd brought in. Once they're both dressed she has him sit on the toilet, straddling it backwards as she cuts his hair. Silently she combs through his hair and snips it to the length she had always seen him keep it. It didn't take her long before she was done and she puts the comb and scissors back where she'd got them. Once he leaves she cleans up the mess left behind.

He leaves the bathroom and finds he's lacking energy now. He heads to the couch collapsing down onto it with a heavy sigh but a smile on his face. As miserable as he feels from what ever bug was attacking his body, he couldn't help but enjoy what had just happened between them. It was really a very simple moment, but to him it meant the entire world. He shakes his head feeling like a damn girl for even thinking that way.

His eyes have started to close when Jude walks into the living room with her hands curled against her slender hips. She stomps her foot to get his attention, succeeding as his eyes shoot open, "Just what do you think you're doing out here?"

"Um… dozing?" He says in a sheepish tone. Pissing this blond off was a bit of a dangerous thing to do, whether you did it on purpose or not.

"You should be in bed and getting actual sleep! I'm putting my foot down, you're not sleeping on the couch any more!"

"I won't let you sleep out here either."

"Then I'll sleep on the floor in your room."

"No, I will."

"The hell you will Quincy! You're sick. Your self destructive behavior has finally done real damage, so you are going to sleep in your bed and get a decent night sleep!"

"Jude…"

"This isn't open for discussion."

He sighs and looks down for a moment before standing and walking towards the bedroom, he stops just before the door. "You know, it doesn't matter where I lay my head Girl, I just don't sleep any more, not truly." Having said his peace he disappears into the room not waiting for her response as he climbs into the bed as he was told to curling up. It was true; he hadn't slept well since she got on her plane to London the year before. But after all the time in Boyz attack his body could go longer than most without sleep before it began to shut down. He could swear his was only doing it because of the added stress of his mother and the fear of losing Jude in the accident.

He isn't asleep when he hears the door creek open and the pale light from the hall come pouring into the moonlit room. His back is facing the door as his pale blue eyes stare out the open window; he feels the mattress shift beneath him as Jude sits down on the bed behind him. His eyes flutter close for a moment when he feels her fingers dance through his hair. God he loved that feeling. It was such a simple touch, but for him it was his world right now.

"How long has it been Tommy?" Her voice is so soft, like a velvet whisper.

"Since the night of the concert," His voice is nothing more than a rough emotion filled whisper. Once the words are out he rolls over to face her, to look up into those beautiful eyes and seek the only comfort he can in them.

"Oh Tommy…" He can hear the sorrow in her voice, the guilt.

"It isn't your fault Girl." He reaches up cupping the side of her face in his hand.

"I left and you stopped sleeping, stop taking care of yourself. Yeah that's in no way my fault." She rolls her eyes in a feeble attempt to mask the tears dwelling in them, but even in the faded light she knows he can see them. She takes his hand from her cheek, kisses his palm before lowering his hand to her lap and wrapping her fingers around it.

"I just got lost Girl." He pauses, his volume dropping to almost inaudible. "Feared I lost you for good this time…"

"Quincy… Don't you know you'll never lose me?" This time it's her hand that curls against his cheek, her thumb brushing against his skin gently. He can't help but look down at their entwined hands, a feeble attempt to mask his own tears he won't let fall. But she knows him too well not to notice it. "We're a team, and no amount of distance can take that away. " She looks up at the clock shinning red on the nightstand. It's nearly two in the morning now. She leans forward and kisses his forehead softly. "You need to sleep Tom; you're just going to get worse if you don't. Then it'll be you leaving me, for good."

He can't help closing his eyes at the soft touch of her lips on his skin, only opening them when she pulls back slightly to speak. He takes a deep breath inhaling her scent before scooting away from her slightly. Before she can voice the heartbreak he can see written all over her features he removes his hand from hers and pats the spot beside him that he's opened. "Sleep here with me tonight, please? I need you…"

She glances back at the door chewing on her bottom lip nervously. When she looks back at him she can't help but smile at the sad look in his eyes, her smile sad in return. She stands pulling back the covers a bit and climbs beneath them lying down on her side to face him. She props her head up on one elbow, reaching out with the opposite hand to run her fingers through his hair.

Then he does something she truly doesn't see coming. He gently tugs her arm out from under her head lifting his own long enough to put her arm under his. Essentially he's wrapping her arms around his own upper body, bringing his face to rest against her bosom. There's nothing sexual about it, just the comfort and affection he seeks. She rolls over onto her back to adjust them both more comfortably, so that he can really rest his head on her chest. His arm wraps around her waist and he tucks his hand under her back to hold her as close as possible, as if he's afraid she'll disappear before the morning light.

One arm lies across his, fingertips dancing over his arm; the other is curled around his back with her hand against the back of his head, fingers playing with his hair gently. She rests her cheek against his head and smiles softly to herself. She can't help but remember the time they'd lied in the woods in this position, though it was in reverse as it was her on his chest, but the closeness and touch was the same. Her thoughts are interrupted with the sound of his tired voice, "Sing for me Jude?"

She tilts her head to kiss the top of his, her lips lingering for a moment as she decides what song to accommodate his request. When she's decided she turns her head again and lets her voice softly fill the room, though the sound mingles with her heart beat in his ears. By the time she reaches the end of the song she can feel his breathing change to the steady rhythm of sleep.

_And the rocks turn to sand  
And hearts can change hands  
And you're not to blame when the sky fills with rain  
And if we stay or walk away  
There's one thing that's true_

_I still love you  
Yea I still love you  
If we stay or walk away  
There's one that's true_

_I still love you  
Yea I still love you  
I still love you  
I still love you  
I still love you_

When she's finished she presses a finally kiss to his forehead, pulling his hair back gently with her hand to touch her warm lips to his skin. She whispers to his skin as she closes her eyes and allows sleep to claim her, "I still love you Thomas Quincy…"

**A/N I hope no one is disappointed with this chapter, I know it's longer than my others and got a bit mushier than my others. But take it from me; some of the toughest men you'll ever meet are absolute babes under his circumstances. Not that they ever will admit it!**


	16. Chapter Fifteen

A/N Don't own, don't sue

**A/N Once again I wish to thank all of my lovely faithful readers/reviewers! I am so glad this story is becoming so enjoyed! All of your words of encouragement are making it easier to avoid the evil writer's block daemon!  
**

Chapter Fifteen

Morning comes all too soon, the bright sunlight spilling in through the partially open curtains over the sleeping pair. But it isn't the blinding glow of the sun that wakes either of them, its Selena's intrusion that does it, well wakes Jude anyway. "Jude?" Selena leans over shaking the girl gently trying not to wake Tommy in the process. She wants the chance to talk to her first. As she sees the bright blue eyes of the rock star girl open and stare sleepily up at her she whispers again. "Can you come out in the hall? I need to talk to you…"

She nods and waits until Selena is out of the room to carefully slide herself out from beneath Tommy's slumbering form. She leans down and kisses the top of his head softly before exiting the bedroom into the hall, shutting the door softly behind her. "Everything okay Sel?"

"No… I want you prepared; I have to give Tommy bad news Jude. I'm telling you first so you can be ready to deal with him. You're the only one who gets him or gets through to him."

"What's wrong?"

"Miriam passed away an hour ago…"

"Oh no… I'm so sorry Selena…"

"It's all right. I've made my peace with it, but you know there's no way of knowing how he'll respond. I need you there, _he_ needs you here. I hate to put all this pressure on you Jude…"

"No, no it's okay. He'd be there for me."

"Well do you want to wake him up and meet me in the living room or should we just go in and get it over with?"

"Living room, it'll sink in quicker if he's at least sort of awake. Less likely he'll think it's a dream or nightmare…" As Selena nods in agreement Jude slips back into the bedroom looking down at the sleeping man. She takes a deep breath letting it out slowly. It kills her to know the amount of pain that this event is going to cause him, and that she has to wake him up to experience it. She decides she'll at least make waking up as pleasant as possible.

She kneels down beside the bed where he's half hanging off since she left the bed. His arm is dangling over the edge of the bed his head resting on the edge. She reaches out running her fingers through his hair before bringing her hand down to his shoulder and shaking him gently. "Tommy…" She places a feather light kiss to the corner of his mouth. Her voice this time is warm breath against his ear. "Time to wake up Quincy…"

"Mmmm… another hour…" He rolls over trying to ignore the idea of waking up only to be nearly blinded by the light streaming through the window. He groans rolling back over to face Jude opening one pale blue eye to stare at her. "Jude? Why are you up so early?"

"Selena woke me; she says she needs to talk to you but figured you'd rather wake up to my face than hers."

"Have to agree, you're far prettier." He smirks tiredly and reaches up touching her cheek. He could see something in those big bright blue eyes of hers but he couldn't put his finger on what it was. He sits up raking his fingers through his hair before rubbing his face with his hands as he tries to finish waking up. "You know when anyone in my family wants me up this early… it's never good."

"I don't think it's good when anyone's family wakes them up this early Quincy. But I'm sure there's coffee… if not I'll brew some."

"Oh you are a goddess miss Harrison."

"Why thank you." She grins reaching out and ruffling his already messed up hair. "Now up. I'll meet you in the living room."

Ten minutes later the three of them are sitting in the living room in an awkward silence, Selena is seated in an arm chair while Tommy and Jude are both on the couch though not as close together as either of them would like. Tom's fidgeting with his hands waiting for Sel to say what she has to say when Jude reaches over and grabs one of his hands into her own squeezing it reassuringly. No matter what happens between them when push comes to shove they're there for each other.

Selena finally opens her mouth, clearing her throat she breaks the silence and speaks. "Tom, your mom passed away this morning, a little more than an hour ago…" She pauses watching his reaction, and there was nothing. At least nothing she could see. He sits there staring at her in complete silence, his hand still in Jude's. It's as though he's a statue in front of her. "I'll handle any of the arrangements possible if you want…"

Tommy nods, his knuckles white as he clenches his fist in his lap refusing to hold onto Jude's hand that tightly for fear of hurting her. He knows they both expect him to say something, to be dramatic and well, himself. But he can't find words, he can feel the fire burning inside but there's no release. He lets her hand go standing to his feet, bare they pad across the floor to the front door. He opens the door and steps out into the cool morning and walks towards the docks without a word to either of the women in his living room. He wants to scream but there's no sound coming forth.

He clasps his hands behind his head when he reaches the docks, his pale blue eyes scanning the early morning horizon. It's too early for him, it was barely six in the morning now, and it meant his mother had died before five in the morning. And where had he been? Selfishly he'd been in the comfort of his own bed curled in the arms of a woman his mother had never truly met. Sure she'd met Jude when she'd shown up unannounced when he first came home when Tristan went off to work on the boats.

Tristan! He groans closing his eyes for a moment. Who was going to tell his brother about this? He sure as hell didn't want to be the one to do it. It was probably selfish or cowardly, but he didn't think he could. In reality he doesn't even want to stay for the funeral. He doesn't think he can bear it. He's so good at letting the world think nothing phases him, but honestly? It's like his entire world has been turned to dust. It was shattered when his Girl left for London and seemed to move on without him, when he thought he'd lost her for good and all. But now this on top of everything else? Well in truth he was prepared for her death, he had even expected the tongue lashings he had received during part of her conscious periods. But what he hadn't been prepared for was how her death was going to make him feel inside, the things it was doing to his heart and his mind.

He's so lost in his own thoughts he doesn't even feel her coming up behind him. He's oblivious to her presence until he feels her hand press against his lower back. He jumps, startled by the touch and turns to face her. His hands drop from behind his head and he turns away from her, arms wrapping around himself protectively. He doesn't want to, but he's shutting her out again, is she going to let him? Part of him wants her to just go the hell away and let him be. He's so used to being on his own, left to his own devices in life. But part of him wants nothing more than to sink in her embrace and cry like a child at all he's lost today and in the past year. But it's the first part of him that speaks, "What are you doing here Jude? Don't you have a life to get back to in London?" He winces silently, he knows it's harsh but it's his survival instincts kicking in, and part of him hopes she realizes that and doesn't just storm off and abandon him but that's what he honestly expects to happen. After all, what does she usually do when he's a complete ass? She yells, screams, and leaves him.

Jude sucks a breath through clenched teeth to slowly allow her temper to simmer down before she reaches up and slaps him. "Don't. Don't you dare try and push me away Thomas Dutois. Do you hear me? It's not working this time. I'm not that girl any more." He'd backed away, a shocked expression written across his features but she doesn't give him the chance to speak. She invades his space, closing the gap between them that he had created. She reaches up with both of her hands taking his face into them when he tries to look away from her to hide how close he was to crumbling in front of her. "Look at me Tommy. It is okay to hurt, to be sad, and to fall apart. You lost your mom today Tommy."

"No, I lost her years ago, now I just lost all hope." He tries again to pull away from her, to look any where but into those big bright understanding and all too loving blue eyes. He felt the need to punish himself, like he should be punished for the things he'd done as a child and even as a man. He wasn't worthy of anything, especially not the things he sees in her eyes, all the things he hopes and prays she offers him. He pulls himself away from her physically and starts to walk away from her, or storm off like an angered child is more like it.

She sprints after him, stopping in front of him and placing both of her hands on his chest as she looks up at him. He's an emotional time bomb and she knows she's playing with fire. She doesn't care. She refuses to let him shut her out, to run away from what he's going through. She knows there's a million things he hasn't told her, that he's hiding inside of himself but this won't be added to the list of the things he's bottled up inside.

He tries to side step her but to no avail. She's quick and pushes him against a pole nearest them, pinning him against it. She knows she's only got the upper hand because he's so grief stricken and his body is so over worked he hasn't the physical strength. She's fully willing to use this to her advantage to do what's in his best interest.

"Harrison just go away! I don't need you and I don't want you here!" He tries feebly to verbally push her away, piss her off enough her temper will take over and she'll leave him.

She closes her eyes for only a split second to remind herself silently what he's trying to do, remind herself not to take his words at face value. She knew what he was trying to do and she just had to keep reminding herself silently so she could keep from backing down. She keeps her hands on his chest, some how not touching the chain beneath his shirt and in the heat of the moment they're in it once more goes unnoticed. Yes sometimes Jude Harrison is completely blond. "It's not going to work this time Quincy." It's not his last name and they both know it, but it's still like a pet name between them. She reaches up and curls her hands against his neck right along his jaw line. "It's okay to hurt babe, it's okay to cry. And it's okay to let me in, to let me be strong for you." She can see his resolve crumbling, the shimmer behind those pale blue eyes that fill with tears he won't allow himself to shed.

He feels like the air has been sucked from his lungs as he stares down into her eyes. He's backed against a corner, or well a pole, and there's no escape. He can't verbally hurt her enough to get her to let him be, to walk away. He truly never thought there'd be a day he couldn't piss her off enough to make her walk away from him. But her time in London had apparently made her grow up enough that his usual ploys wouldn't work. His eyes close to try and fight the tears that want to spill down his stubbled cheeks, he tries to turn his head away from her only to feel her hands apply more pressure to his skin to prevent it. He can feel her staring at him even though he can't bring himself to open his eyes.

Finally, after what seems like forever of this stand still moment he lets go. He can feel himself cave as his arms wrap around her waist pulling her body tight against his. Her arms wrapping around his neck, fingers getting lost in his hair as he buries his face in her neck, and with one deep breath his chest shakes with the sobs he can't hold inside any more. All the while he can hear her soothing whispers, feel her warm honeyed breath against his skin.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

**A/N Sorry I know this is mostly another filler chapter… I promise it'll get better! I hope you enjoy! Again I want to thank my amazing and faithful readers/reviewers. A special thanks to LadyKatyUltimateFan and carenicoleIQ. carenicoleIQ I am so glad to hear you are enjoying my story!**

Chapter Sixteen

It had been two weeks since the funeral; he had slipped out of the house just after dark coming down to the cemetery to visit the spot. He hadn't moved since the moment he had first arrived, silent tears spilling down his cheeks. Each breath he takes causes his chest to shudder as he tries to keep from sobbing. So much of him hated his mother for the way his childhood had been, but at the same time he hated himself for abandoning her to join Boyz Attack, for being so angry with her when he came back to take care of her in place of Tristan. He was angry with her for their history and for being the reason he'd had to leave his Girl.

He can't help the wave of guilt that keeps sweeping over him. It crashes into him like a tidal wave almost constantly. Why? His mother is just barely in the ground and still he's angry, and when he's not angry he's not thinking of her at all. Despite her death his mind continues to go back to what he wants, the question he's dying to ask and the answer he prays he gets. Even without lifting a hand he can feel the cold metal against his chest beneath his suit, a reminder of what he's so afraid of losing. But thinking she had left with everyone else, too absorbed in his own thoughts to realize different, he reaches up and places his hand over where the ring is hidden.

He kneels down and begins to talk to his mother, or well to her freshly dug grave. "I've spent my life hating you. Hating all of the things you did to us, to me. But mostly hating you because you hated me, you were my mother and you hated me. I wasn't good enough for you; my choices were never good enough. I did a lot wrong in my life, I know that. But I did some things right too… I just wish you could have seen that. You saw one, but I don't think you realized it. You seemed so taken with her, just like everyone else, but even she couldn't make you see me. You couldn't see she was and is the best thing in my life, the best choice I've ever made…"

She had stayed silent, unmoving, allowing him to get out what he needed to. But the moment his voice stopped and the sobs take over she walks beside him a hand extending and slipping through his dark hair. When he looks up at her the smile that plays across her features is gentle, loving, comforting, her hand shifting to caress his cheek and wipe away his tears. But his teary gaze didn't last long, in only a moment's time she felt his arms wrap around her waist as he buries his face into her stomach. She wraps her arms around him just letting him do what he needs to. Allowing him to let it all go, but for her his words echo in her mind. They seemed to be in a continuous loop that always seems to end up with them finding their way right back here. Together.

At nearly midnight Tommy and Jude finally return to Selena's place, slipping in silently to avoid waking her they head into his room closing the door softly behind them. Jude grabs a pair of sweats from her bag watching Tommy pull the same out of the dresser. She reaches out touching his cheek gently before leaving the room, going into the bathroom to change her clothes. She stands there staring at her own faded reflection. Her ribs were healing nicely as were the rest of her injuries, the only thing not healing is her heart. She sighs deeply; she knows she's supposed to go back to London soon. Her time here is coming to a close; she can only stall so much longer. But she's afraid, afraid of what will happen if she leaves him again. If she'd be honest with herself she's not even sure she can leave him again. Leaving him behind for London the first time was hard enough, but after everything that's happened now and everything she knows? She shakes her head pushing the thoughts aside and walking back to Tommy's room.

She finds him sitting on the floor beside the bed, his knees pulled up and arms laying over them loosely. She takes a seat beside him but on the edge of the bed rather than the floor. Her breath stops for a moment when she feels him lean into her leg, his head coming to rest there and without a second thought she's running her fingers through his hair again.

For the longest time neither of them speaks, when the silence is finally broken its Tommy's hoarse voice that does it. "When do you leave?"

"Tommy…" She starts, but he cuts her off.

"Jude… just be straight with me… I knew you'd have to go back sometime… I just want to be prepared…" He can't bring himself to look at her.

"I leave tomorrow… but…" She slides off the edge of the bed to sit on the floor beside him forcing him to look at her. "Why don't you come back with me? There's nothing holding you to Canada any more, so at least come relax for a couple of weeks."

"No… I'll be fine Jude…"

"Think of it as another vacation. Please Tommy?" She tilts his face towards her own pouting and slowly batting her long silken lashes at him with wide blue eyes. She's laying it on as thick as possible hoping to get her way. After all her plan couldn't be put into action if he was still in Canada. Well it could, but it wouldn't be nearly as good.

"Okay Girl, okay…"

"Good! I already have your ticket…" She looks at him sheepishly.

"Knew I'd say yes Harrison?"

"No, but I knew I'd do whatever it took to convince you to." She grins and shoves him gently before leaning forward and kissing his cheek. She wanted to do so much more, to say so much more, but not now. She stands waiting for him to do the same as she speaks. "You get some sleep Quincy, we have to leave at 10 and you still have to pack." She starts to walk towards the door until she feels his hand grab her wrist. She turns to face him to find pleading pale blue eyes staring down at her in the moonlit room.

"Jude…"

"Yes Tommy?" She sucks her lower lip between her teeth nervously; she wasn't sure what was coming.

"Don't go… Stay with me tonight?" In truth she'd been with him for a while now, every night sleeping beside him up until about four days after the funeral. Then she had returned to sleeping on the couch in the living room and he'd gone back to barely sleeping at all. Most nights he'd sneak in to the living room and sit in the arm chair across from her or on the floor beside her and watch her sleep until he the dawn broke and he'd slip back into his room as though nothing had happened.

She looks up at him with a gentle smile, her hand cupping his cheek gently. "I'm always with you Tommy…" Gently she shoves him towards the bed, as soon as he's in and settled she climbs in entangling herself within his grasp as they both fall asleep almost as soon as their heads hit the pillows.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

A/N Don't own, don't sue

**A/N Once again I want to thank all of you who continue to read and review this story. Especially the absolutely fantastic words of encouragement from **carenicoleIQ, alexia IS, Jenn6891, LadyKatyUltimateFan, LindaISFan. **I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'm trying to really explore the things they didn't in the show, especially when it comes to Tommy without taking away from the character they created, but simply delve into why he is the way he is and allow him the chance to get past things to allow their relationship to begin again and be what it always had the potential of being. I have already come up with a possible concept for a new fic that I hope all of you will take the time to read though I won't be starting it until I complete this one as I don't want to leave anyone hanging on what is in store for these two here! I've written up to chapter twenty so far and I'm not entirely certain how many more chapters are left to go before their story is concluded. They've essentially taken on a mind of their own if that makes sense, I'm just the one putting their tale down for all of you to enjoy!**

Chapter Seventeen

When they arrived in London Jude had no time at all before she had to be back in the studio. Her extended absence had left her with no free time when she came home. That was still a foreign word for her in regards to London. It felt more like an extended vacation here as nothing of hers was here. But this time she had Tommy, the question was; for how long?

She had left Tommy back at her place to relax with specific instructions to actually rest and eat something, while she herself was now locked in the studio with her new producer. They had absolutely no chemistry, so she wrote everything on her own and he essentially stuck to pushing buttons and telling her when to start or when she was flat. She didn't exactly have anything against Jason he just wasn't Tommy and they didn't work together the way she and Tommy had. It was a constant inward battle not to go ask her managers, or rather beg them, to allow Tommy to be her producer, especially when she heard he left G-Major.

For now she was preparing to record one of her newest songs. She watches Jason through the thick sound proof glass as she holds onto one side of the head phones to record the vocals for this newest track on her album. It was also one of the songs she was likely to do in the concert set for a month from now.

_Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl  
Honey_

As she finishes the song with the chorus she waits until the music fades in the head phones before removing them and sliding from her stool. She hangs them in place and slips into the booth. "Well?"

"Excellent work Miss Harrison. It's ready for the album and I believe you are ready to debut it during your next performance." He spoke in monotones to her. There was no emotion; it was like dealing with a robot!

She nods and walks out of the studio swiping her card in the proper slot to sign out so to speak and heads out of the studio. It was only three in the afternoon but she was calling it a day. No one would have a problem, she'd already finished three more songs for an album that wasn't due out for another six months and she only had three tracks left to complete. Before she left she'd done almost half the album, which is why when all her 'emergencies' came up she had the freedom to leave for as long as it took. She was miserable a lot of the time here without her friends and family; without Tommy. But she had learned to cope in the best way possible; she threw herself into her music and used it.

Meanwhile back in her apartment Tommy stands out on the balcony, leaning against the railing and staring down at the ground below. His mind is lost in thoughts of her. Which really isn't all that surprising, she always consumed his thoughts, his dreams, every inch of his being. No matter how much time or distance was between them it never seems to change. Being in separate countries had actually all but destroyed him, though he'd never say it to her. How could he? He wasn't good enough for her, his mother had reminded him of that a lot before she'd gone so far down hill she couldn't even recognize him. It seemed sad that he finally almost enjoyed visiting her then, when she couldn't remember who he was or all the mistakes he'd made.

His hand lifts and pulls the ring from its hiding place as he starts playing with it. He knows he isn't good enough but at the same time he can't stop loving her, and it's killing him not having her. He never knew it would hurt so bad, even the time he had spent picking up Darius' daughter for him or when he'd gone back home without her. It had hurt sure, and he'd missed her. But the last time they'd fought part way through, which made it worse, but nothing like this past year had been. He'd returned from New Brunswick as a half shell of himself to say the least until she'd knocked sense into him and they'd begun to rebuild what was between them. But her being in London for so long after her rather public dismissal of his proposal had left him completely broken and he still hadn't healed.

He was at least better here, close to her, but he was still not any where near healed. He still felt like a shell of himself, like he was only there out of pity on her part; despite any of the things they'd said in New Brunswick. He couldn't allow himself to hold onto false hope with pity filled words of encouragement, as much as he wants to.

He leans forward his butt sticking out behind him as he rests his chin on his folded arms on the railing staring out at the city below him. Music for him was as it was for her, their world. It was their best way to say the things they needed to say, even when they couldn't find the words any other time. In this case he merely sings them softly into the air for his own benefit unaware she had just stepped out onto the balcony behind him, not bothering to shut the door for fear of disturbing him.

_I knew how it felt to be another one in need  
Of someone to show the way  
Until you saw a part of me that nobody else could see  
And my life hasn't been the same_

_You make me feel lucky as I can be  
You make me feel lucky as I can be_

_Before I couldn't get a break  
Never had a chance to make the impressions I want to  
But now it falls right into place  
When I get to see your face  
Then there's nothing that I can't do_

_You make me feel lucky as I can be  
You make me feel lucky as I can be_

_No more dark days, only sun rays  
No more hard ways with you today_

_You make me feel  
You make me feel lucky as I can be  
Lucky as I can be  
Lucky as I can be_

She can't help but smile listening to him, his voice always warms her heart. Inwardly she laughs at the subject they've both been dancing around, neither willing to mention it seriously. It's even finally struck her that in all the times they have seen each other these past months they've not once kissed, and not from her lack of desire to. But they have both been too busy avoiding the topic of 'them'.

She approaches him silently, having kicked her shoes off just before coming out she walks on her toes behind him. Stopping only inches from him she wraps her arms around his waist feeling his breath catch in surprise before he straightens and actually leans into her touch, his hands laying over hers as he speaks, "How was recording today?"

"Uninspiring really. I mean Jason's a great producer and all, but…" She shifts kissing his cheek as she lets him go leaning her back against the railing. She reaches up touching his face along the jaw line. "He's not you. No one inspires me like you do Quincy." She sucks her lower lip between her teeth nibbling at the tender flesh in thought, lowering her gaze away from his as she pulls his head towards her own until their foreheads touch. "I'm good on my own Quincy, but I'm great when we're a team. I want you producing me again… I miss it. I miss you."

He pulls back looking down into her electric pools of blue wrapped in dirty blonde lashes like silken threads. His own eyes are wide and confused. "I quit producing remember? I know Sadie's told you…"

"No, you quit G-Major. Doesn't mean you couldn't… relocate, does it?"

"You mean move to London?"

"Yeah."

He pulls from her, turning away from her only to turn back and face her after taking a few steps backwards. "Leave Canada for London to produce again?" he questions her as though he doesn't grasp her request. In truth he doesn't. Is that all she wants of him? Is that all she misses? His perfectionist behavior and their late nights in the studio? "I don't know…"

"Think about it at least. Please? If you decide to I'll talk to the label, I'm sure it'll be fine, besides it'll make them more money. And you can stay here until you find a place… or you know… indefinitely…" The last word she says almost inaudible. Almost as though she hopes he doesn't catch it so she doesn't have to be the one to admit what she prays they both feel. The fact this past year has scorched both their hearts, shattered them into pieces. It was her choice yes, but it didn't make her own agony any better. It doesn't stop her from loving him or missing him or even wanting him. She just can't find the courage to ask him for romantic reasons; business seems more like something he'd agree to.

"Are you asking me to move in with you too Harrison?"

"If you want…"

He closes the physical distance between them again taking her face into his hands gently to force her gaze to his own. "Do you know what you want yet Girl?"

She meets his gaze and holds it, swallowing as she finds a way to answer, "I know I miss you, I know I never stopped loving you. I don't know what that means for us. We've always been complicated outside of the studio. So the way I see it, the studio is the best place to start figuring out everything else."

Every inch of him yearns to kiss her, right here, right now. But he doesn't. She's right, the best way for them to figure everything out is to go back to the beginning; back to the studio. It would be a new one, in a new country, but maybe it would turn out for the best. It's not like he has anything in Canada any more. Back home he knows he's just basically rotting away, and has been since she moved to London without him.

His thumbs brush against the smooth expanse of her porcelain skin as he brings his forehead against hers again. His voice is soft, his breath warm and sweet against her skin. "I do miss making music with you… You make the call and I'll go home and tie up my loose ends there. If they'll take me tell them I can start in a month. I'll be back just in time for your next concert."

She can feel her lips twitch, the smile growing within them as his words graze her skin. She hears him agree and her arms fly around his neck pulling him close. She feels his arms encircle her waist and she jumps wrapping her legs around his. She whispers into his ear, "Thank you."

"Anything for you Girl, anything."


	19. Chapter Eighteen

A/N Don't own, don't sue

**A/N Songs Underneath Your Clothes, Shakira. Whenever You Call duet, Mariah Carey and Brian McKnight  
Once again thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I'm so sorry this took me longer than usual to post! I hit a little snag in writing chapter Twenty-One as a new character was introduced and dipping into this untapped person was harder than I had anticipated! I do hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thanks again for all your wonderful words! XoXo**

Chapter Eighteen

**One Month Later…**

Her label had been thrilled with the idea of having Tom Quincy working for them, not only for his fame through Boyz Attack but his production skills with G-Major who had given him an absolutely glowing recommendation; despite the way he'd left them. But really their biggest reason for hiring him had been something Darius Mills had told them. All he had told them of Jude's success in regards to Tom's presence in her life and her music. It was no secret her London label as well as all of her fans noticed the difference in her music with her new producer. Her emotions were there yet lacking and her work just wasn't a hundred percent. It was enough to make the cut, and that was it.

Tonight however the night of her performance, and the same night Tommy is supposed to come back. As she had done so many times back in Canada she scans backstage and the audience for any sign of him. She wants to see those pale blue eyes staring back at her giving her the heart she needs to give her best. But he's no where in sight. She sighs deeply, the sound audible before she shakes free of her nerves and steps out onto the stage. She waves to her fans, a smile plastered upon dusty ruby painted lips. She had been able to retain her punk rocker look, the faded jeans hugging her hips and frayed at the bottoms, a navy blue tank top hugging her torso over a white one. Her wheat colored hair is laying across her shoulders and down in waves framing her face as she speaks into the mic welcoming her audience before starting up the first song.

The crowd loves every moment of it as she goes through old songs from the beginning slowly moving into newer stuff until it's time. She sees him, those familiar eyes staring at her from a distance. She brings the mic close as the lights fade slightly to create the atmosphere she needs for her next number.

Now her music has always been tainted by her thoughts and feelings for him. Most of her work was about him in one fashion or another, but this is her newest song and she makes it plain as day what it's about. "Having fun guys? Good! Now I want to slow things down a bit and debut a song from my new album still in progress. This is to you." It sounded like it was meant for just her audience, but he would know from the moment it started who it was for.

_You're a song  
Written by the hands of God  
Don't get me wrong  
This might sound to you a bit odd  
But you own the place  
Where all my thoughts go hiding  
Right under your clothes  
Is where I'll find them_

_Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl  
Honey…_

_Cus of you  
I forgot the smart ways to lie  
Cus of you  
I'm running out of reasons to cry  
When my friends are gone  
When the party's over  
We will still belong  
To each other_

_Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl  
Honey…_

_Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl  
For being such a…_

_I love you more than all that's on the planet  
Moving talking walking breathing  
You know it's true  
Oh baby it's so funny  
You almost don't believe it  
As every voice is hanging from the silence  
Lights are hanging from the ceiling  
Like a lady tied to her manners  
I'm tied up to this feeling_

_Underneath your clothes  
There's an endless story  
There's the man I chose  
There's my territory  
And all the things I deserve  
For being such a good girl  
Honey…_

As the song ends she lowers her head for a moment to collect herself before bringing her gaze back to what seems to be her audience, but in truth it's back to those beautiful eyes. She speeds things back up with a couple more old tracks before pulling the mic close again with a playful look in her electric blue eyes. "I'd like to take this time to ask an old friend to come up and help me. This is another new one and again slows things down. Someone very special to me helped me write it and now I am asking him to come up and help me perform it. Put your hands together every one for Tom Quincy!" She releases the mic to clap getting her audience to help her as she grins. She watches him scowl slightly trying so hard to pretend to be mad about being put on the spot even as he hits the stage. He takes a seat at the piano starting. Oh but she knows she's going to hear it later.

Tommy starts them out his voice rich and smooth as his fingers tickle the keys beneath their tips.

_Love wondered inside  
Stronger than you  
Stronger than I_

Her elegant angelic voice takes over for a moment.

_And now that it has begun  
We cannot turn back  
We can only turn into one_

Tommy had taken the last line and now their voices join together perfectly for the chorus as they can't seem to take their eyes off one another.

_I won't ever be too  
Far away to feel you  
And I won't hesitate at all  
Whenever you call  
And I'll always remember  
The part of you so tender  
I'll be the one to catch your fall  
Whenever you call_

Her voice slips past powerfully gripped with emotion, but his voice echoes important words behind. (Bolded)

_And I'm truly inspired  
**Finding my soul there in your eyes**  
And you __**have opened my heart**  
And lifted me inside  
By showing me yourself, undisguised_

Once more their voices join together for the chorus in sweet harmony.

_I won't ever be too  
Far away to feel you  
And I won't hesitate at all  
Whenever you call  
And I'll always remember  
The part of you so tender  
I'll be the one to catch your fall  
Whenever you call_

He sings once more, his eyes never straying from her beautiful features.

_And I will breathe for you each day  
Comfort you through all the pain  
Gently kiss your fears away_

She picks up where his voice fades not missing a bit as she walks towards him.

_You can turn to me and cry  
Always understand that I  
Give you all I have inside_

They join together to finish out the song, she climbs up sitting on top of the piano as she had done back at her house, occasionally alternating lines. It's as though the world had faded from the moment the music began between them. The power and emotion that could be felt by both of them could be felt by each and every soul in the audience.

_I won't ever be too  
Far away to feel you  
And I won't hesitate at all  
Whenever you call  
I won't ever  
Be too far to feel you  
And I won't hesitate at all  
Whenever you call  
And I'll always remember  
The part of you so tender  
And be the one to catch your fall  
Whenever you call  
Whenever you call  
Whenever you call_

When their voices fade and the music ends they're both staring at one another, but she finds her composure enough to stand and thank her audience for being so wonderful in coming out and once more thanks Tommy publicly for his help with the song before walking off stage with him, hand in hand.

There's a moment for either of them to process anything or even speak as her manager and soon to be ex producer flock upon them like vultures. Everyone's speaking all at once it's mingling into nothing as her mind is else where along with his. Neither of them cares what everyone around them is saying as they say what little they have to, making it seem as if they are actually listening.

But finally Jude has had enough and she puts her hands up making her voice heard over the raucous, "Guys! I'm glad everything was a success and you all approve. I don't know about Tommy but I am absolutely exhausted after that performance. I'll be back in the studio Monday so whatever you need either of us for can wait until then!" She doesn't wait for anyone to answer as she grabs Tommy by the wrist and leads him out quickly to the limo that is waiting for them in the back.

Once they arrived back at her place they both walked in and collapse in a heap of body parts onto her lush couch sighing with exhaustion. Tommy's the first to break the silence. "That was entirely evil Girl. You gave me no choice but to say yes to performing tonight you know."

"Would you really have said no any way Quincy?" She raises a brow, propping herself up on her elbow from her end of the couch, their legs entwined at the moment lazily.

"No, but warning would have been nice."

"And I would have warned you, had you not been late!" her voice starting to rise in frustration.

"I can't help the plane was delayed! No reason to ambush me!" his on growing in volume out doing hers.

"Why are you yelling at me?!" Her voice rises again to rise above his. It's as though they are having a contest to see who can yell the loudest.

"Because!" he stops for a moment and sits up untangling himself from her in the process, "You know, I have no idea. But we do that a lot you know. Start yelling and neither of us has any idea why, yet we keep going."

"Well you do tend to infuriate me Quincy." She grins at him, sitting up so she can lean over and playfully punches his shoulder.

"Same goes for you Harrison."

"I think it's what makes us so good together. You know… Professionally." She could feel the heat rising to her pale cheeks as she turns away to let her hair hide it. She wasn't going to start something she was certain one of them would walk away from. Neither of them seemed to be too good at staying through commitment. Though sadly she recalls the last time was her own fault.

"I don't hate you for it you know. I do understand why you did what you did Girl. I want you to know that, and that I didn't stop caring about you or loving you." His voice is a hushed whisper of breath as he leans towards her, his index and middle finger curling beneath her chin to bring her gaze to meet his own. "I'm not giving up on us. Our time will come again, and when it does you can bet I won't let go."

"Then why were you falling apart? You scared everyone Tommy, especially me." Her voice is soft, a velvet whisper across his skin as she stares up at him, her own hand coming up and pressing gently to his cheek.

"Because I hadn't heard from you since you left, since that night at the concert. I was lost Girl and I thought you'd moved on and left me behind as nothing more than a reminder of where you came from but not where you were heading." His voice is sad as he speaks in tones so soft they would have gone unheard had she not been right in front of him. He can feel the hot salty tears burning the back of his eyes as they form there begging to be released, but he won't allow it.

"You are part of where I came from Tommy, but you're also apart of who I am now and who I will be in the future. Don't you see that? You're my inspiration, my best friend, my everything."

He swallows the lump in his throat leaning to close what tiny distance is between them to press his lips to her forehead gently, he lets them linger a moment longer than he should have before pulling back. He glances towards a clock on the wall that reads 2am. Ironic to him really, remembering the song they were supposed to debut together the night before she left for London so long ago, and he wants so much to ask her again. But he refrains; instead he stands to his feet holding his hands out to her, pulling her to her feet before hugging her close to his chest for a moment. He kisses the top of her head before speaking. "We should get some sleep Harrison. It's been a long day for both of us."

She reaches up taking his face into her hands and kissing the corner of his mouth softly before walking towards her room. "Good night Quincy."

"Good night Girl."


	20. Chapter Nineteen

A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

**A/N 'Songs: I Could Not Ask For More by Edwin McCain and Dreaming of You by Selena. Also the Spanish translation in the song is Heart I cannot stop thinking about you How I need to you My love, how I am strange to you' Sounds better in Spanish doesn't it? This chapter sort of got away from me so I hope it meets with the approval of all of my wonderful faithful readers/reviewers! Sorry it took so long for this chapter!**

Chapter Nineteen

They've been back in a studio together for nearly a week now and living under the same roof for just as long. Things are interesting to say the least, almost like they had started over. Their chemistry in the studio was almost infectious, yet they are both careful to keep their distance beyond that friendship boundary. It wasn't as though either of them doesn't want it, but Jude knows Tommy is still reeling from his mother's death. In truth He really wasn't dealing with it at all. He'd started to back in New Brunswick with her, but since they'd come to London he'd pushed it aside focusing on her music and producing again. They were back to late nights and sometimes even all nighters in the studio. Not that her manager was complaining in the least, it seemed no matter how late the pair worked they were still in on time the next morning bright and shinning as ever and had made more progress on her album in the nearly a week of being in the studio than her and Jason had done in the months he'd been working with her. Her music was also ten times the quality it had been, despite the fights everyone witnesses on an every other day basis.

"Try this one more time Harrison, you were a little flat." Tommy says, pushing the button on the sound board as he leans forward. He knows he's going to get yelled at for asking her to do it for about the fortieth time this afternoon, but they both know he's a perfectionist.

"Gee I wonder why! We've been working on this song for six hours straight Quincy! I'm surprised I'm not hoarse! It was fine two hours ago!" She all but whines putting her head phones on the mic stand and stretching her limbs from her spot on the stool.

"It was good, you're always good Harrison. But you need to nail this; it needs to be perfect, needs to be your best. I know you can do this Girl."

She groans before grabbing her head phones putting them back in place and waving her finger at him pointedly. "Fine, **one** more time Quincy. Then we break or I throttle you, deal?"

"Anything you say Girl." He knew the pet name would work, it always did soften her, but then to Tom she's always been his girl. He starts the count down pointing to her when it's time for her to start.

Her voice comes over the mic this time in angelic perfection, she holds her notes perfectly in every place, and her eyes never stray from him as she sings. They both know exactly who the song was written about, and everyone else in the studio was slowly beginning to catch on.

_Late at night when all the world is sleeping  
I stay up and think of you  
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are  
Thinking of me too_

_Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight  
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight  
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be  
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me_

_Wonder if you ever see me  
And I wonder if you know I'm there  
If you looked in my eyes  
Would you see what's inside  
Would you even care?_

_I just wanna hold you close  
But so far all I have are dreams of you  
So I wait for the day  
And the courage to say how much I love you  
Yes I do!  
_

_I'll be dreaming of you tonight  
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight  
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be  
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me _

_Corazón  
I can't stop dreaming of you  
No puedo dejar de pensar en ti  
I can't stop dreaming  
Cómo te necesito  
I can't stop dreaming of you  
Mi amor, cómo te extraño _

_Late at night when all the world is sleeping  
I stay up and think of you  
And I still can't believe  
That you came up to me and said "I love you"  
I love you too!  
_

_Now I'm dreaming with you tonight  
Till tomorrow and for all of my life  
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be  
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly _

_Dreaming of you tonight  
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight  
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be  
Than here in my room  
I'll be dreaming of you tonight  
Endlessly  
And I'll be holding you tight  
Dreaming...with you...tonight!_

This time when the last note fades he's grinning on the other side of the glass. As soon as she removes the head phones he pushes the button and leans towards his mic. "Beautiful Girl, absolutely perfect, didn't I say you could do it? You hungry?"

"Oh thank God! Yes Tommy, I'm starving!" She slides off her stool grabbing her guitar, as she never leaves it in the studio. She walks into the booth beside him grabbing him by the hand to keep him from attempting any last minute, well anything! "Why don't we pick up something and maybe rent a couple movies and go home?"

"Sure, the usual?"

"Of course! Fairest way to do it yea?"

"Chinese then? Or are you in the mood for pizza tonight?"

"It's your turn to pick Quincy."

"Chinese it is." Hand in hand they walk into the lot to his blue Viper, the one car of his he had shipped over. He left the Hummer in Toronto without a second thought and the bike for now, but the Viper is a classic, and also holds far too many memories. It held good memories of his time with her, and if he can't find a way to make her truly his again he wanted to at least have the tangible reminder of all they'd once had together.

As they climb in he looks towards her as he pulls out, she's laid her head on the head rest facing him, closing her eyes. Instantly he was reminded of when she had come home from her first tour and she'd sat just like that only she'd still been a red head back then. She'd fallen asleep before she could hear him admit that he'd missed her. The memory brings a smile to his lips as he watches his tired Girl beside him.

After picking up their favorite Chinese orders along with Fight Club and Band of Angels, they were finally home curled up on the living room floor with pillows and blankets in their pajamas eating their dinner from the cartons. They'd decided to put in Fight Club first while they ate, mostly to fuel Tommy's masculine side before he has to willingly suffer through Jude's movie. Band of Angels is an old romance movie written of the time period around the civil war with Clark Gable as the male lead. Tommy chooses to hide behind Fight Club and its violence while Jude prefers to indulge in the wonderful romance of older times and hopes it'll spark something in them both. Besides for it's a fantastic comfort movie and the best opportunity to cuddle up close with her best friend and still owner of her heart.

As Fight Club ends she stands gathering up all of their food containers and utensils taking them into the kitchen leaving him to adjust the blankets and things for their next movie. She pops a bag of popcorn and pours it into a bowl before grabbing a couple cold bottles of water and bringing it all into the living room. She plops down beside Tommy leaning towards him as she places everything between their legs.

"Are you really sure this is what you want to watch?" He eyes the DVD menu screen, his question coming out almost as whine.

"Yes! Come on Tommy, if you give it an honest chance you might even like it!" She pouts batting those long silken lashes up at him as she tilts her head to rest it on his shoulder.

"All right, all right." He shakes his head as he turns off the lights with the remote sitting beside him and picks up the DVD remote to start the movie. He slides down so he's lying beside Jude on his back with his arms folded beneath his head on the pillows. He smiles as Jude follows suit lying down beside him on her back.

By the time the movie finishes Jude's lying on Tommy's chest with her arm across his stomach while his is across her back, his hand toying with her blond waves. Both of them are only about half awake and entirely too comfortable in their silence, but Tommy's the first to speak. "You were right; the movie was actually pretty good. But don't ever tell anyone I said that." He chuckles softly.

"Your secret's safe with me Quincy." She says stifling a yawn before tilting her head up to look at him through half lidded eyes. "This is nice isn't it?"

"Yeah it is Girl." But his smile is sad as he looks down at her, still toying with her hair.

"What's wrong Tommy?" She props herself up beside him on her elbow as she reaches up to cup the side of his face with her hand to keep him from turning away from her.

"It's nothing Girl." He turns his head to kiss the palm of her hand before tilting his head down to kiss her forehead.

"You're lying Quincy. Talk to me, please?"

He sighs deeply pulling his gaze from hers by closing his eyes as the TV dims from lack of use making it even easier to mask his features. "This whole death thing and your accident; everything of the last year and a half is catching up to me Girl."

"Last year and a half? Oh..." She lowers her head for a moment as realization dawns on her as she figures out what he means.

"Hey, don't be sad Girl. You did what you had to for you, we both know it." He tilts her head up with two fingers curled beneath her chin. "I just got lost without you. But I'm not so lost any more." He smiles, though sadly.

She pushes herself to a seated position looking down at him. "You know you've always had my heart don't you? I didn't stop loving you because I moved here. I know I've said it before, but you don't seem to be grasping it."

"It's not that I don't grasp it, but I don't think you love me the same way you once did, the same way I love you."

"Tommy… I'm still _in_ love with you. Just as I have always been. But like we've said before, our timing just always seems to be off. Something always goes wrong and tears us apart."

"What's left to tear us apart Jude? What else could we go through that could possibly split us up now?"

"I don't know if there is anything else that could. I guess now it'd be a matter of what we allowed to. We allowed other things to get between us I think. Out of fear."

"I don't have anything left to fear Girl. You know all there is to know, you've seen the best and the worst of me and you're still talking to me. The only fear I have left is the fear of losing you for good. You are my heart and soul Jude Harrison." He reaches put cupping the side of her face with his hand, his thumb brushing gently across her cheek.

"Are you sure you're ready to try us again Tommy? I mean, you've just lost your mom…"

"Jude… It's losing her and almost losing you, and spending the last year without you in my life at all that tells me I'm more than ready. You're all I've wanted this past year, and all I've wanted since all of that with my mom started again this last time. You were what kept me sane during all of it. You're what kept me going, kept me alive Girl. You've got know that." He can feel the tears threatening his now open eyes but with the moonlit being all that pushes away the darkness of the room he's praying she can't see them shimmering behind his pale blue eyes.

"It broke my heart when Sadie and Sel told me what you were doing to yourself Tommy. I love you, so much." She leans in towards him her hands curling against either side of his face, when her thumbs dance across his cheeks she discovers they're damp from tears he's silently allowed to fall. She brings their foreheads together and lets her lips capture his so gently; lovingly she's almost treating him as though he's so fragile he'll break beneath her. She pulls back only seconds after the kiss started. This wasn't a lust filled moment; just the beginning of what she prays will be an everlasting union between them. She wants to try again, try and be together one more time. After all, he's right. What other hurdles could really be thrown at them that would be worse than what they've endured the past five years?

"I love you Girl." His words are a barely audible whisper against her lips as their foreheads rest together still. "You're it for me Harrison." He glances over at the clock on the wall and sighs realizing it's almost three in the morning and they have to be at the studio at nine. He pulls from her grasp gently and stands to his feet holding out his hands to her. Once she takes them he pulls her up to her feet and close to his chest, his hands resting then on the small of her back as he kisses her forehead. He wasn't going to push things too fast. In their own way they'd both decided to try again but that didn't mean rushing into anything physically, whether it be lust and passion filled kisses or things of an even more intimate nature, or even something as simple as sharing the same bed. "We should probably say goodnight Girl. We have to be at the studio in six hours."

She silently takes his hand as they head down the hall, in the dimly lit hallway she looks up at him and notices his eyes are still sad as is his smile. She stops stepping in front of him her hand resting on the center of his chest. "Is there something you're not telling me Quincy?"

He sighs averting his gaze from hers, this is the price of her knowing him as well as she does. It goes both ways, but sometimes he wished she couldn't read him so well. It would be so much easier to shove things down inside, bottle them up and let them be forgotten rather than the pain of working through them. He'd started to work through things back in New Brunswick in the cemetery. But it's a long road he's not sure he's capable of going down. "Jude please…" He pleads softly with her to let it go, at the very least for tonight, leaning his forehead down to rest on hers again his cheeks still damp from before and with the renewed few tears that slip past the gates.

"Come on." Is all she says as she pulls away and grabs his hand dragging him into her bedroom. She doesn't think anything else is needed. She looks up at his startled expression and tilts her head to the side as she starts removing her pajama bottoms. "You're not ready to talk Tommy, I get that, I really do. But can you honestly tell me that this sad you'll sleep at all if you're alone in that room? I think you'll just lay there staring at the ceiling cursing yourself for whatever you're currently hating yourself for."

"I'll be just fine Jude." His tone holds a bit more bite to it than he intends but he feels like the only reason she wants him with her for the night is out of pity and he wants nothing to do with it. He moves towards the door before he feels her hands on his chest again.

"Swallow your pride Quincy. You're wrong. If we're doing this again it means we're in it thick or thin babe. Don't you know when you hurt I hurt?" She pushes him towards the large king size bed in the center of her dimly lit room, the only light coming from a lamp on her nightstand. "You've said before when you're like this you don't sleep. We've fixed it together before, we were a we, so what's wrong with it now that we are? Or does it only work when we're not together?" Her voice rises towards the end in irritation. That's the problem with them together or otherwise, they bring out the best and the worst in each other.

"No! But I'm not a helpless child either Jude!"

"I never said or implied you were! I'm just saying we're in this together, this being life and everything it throws at us, good or bad!"

He reaches up and pulls her towards him. "How is it I end up loving you more the more you infuriate me Girl?" He grins half heartedly wanting to lighten the mood when he began to feel her anger flare. He doesn't want to see her go full blown, or himself for that matter, that's usually when they ran into trouble, when he worries most about losing her to their tempers.

She narrows her eyes down at him sliding into his lap facing him, her arms encircling his neck. "This is entirely unfair Quincy."

"And why is that Harrison?"

"I'm mad at you!"

"But you love me." He tilts his head to the side slightly pouting as adorably as he can as he attempts to keep from laughing.

"And you're damn lucky I do. Look, let's go to sleep okay? Skin to skin, you and me. You're not ready to talk and as I said before I get that, but with what's going on in your head do you really want to be in the other room alone?"

"No, you know that Jude. But I don't want you doing anything just because you think I can't handle things on my own."

"I know you can, but it's whether or not you'll choose to that worries me. Besides, we've got each other, there's no need to do things alone any more. It's better to work through things hand in hand, don't you think?"

"You are wise beyond your years Girl." He kisses the end of her nose before resting his forehead on hers for a moment. "Skin to skin it is then."

She slides off of his lap and finishes removing her clothing, watching as he stands to do the same. Both of them leave their clothing along her bedroom floor without a second thought before climbing beneath the comforter and sheet. For the moment they're facing each other, his fingers sifting through her wheat colored waves idly. They're both beyond exhausted, but he can't resist it. His fingers move from her hair down her shoulder, along her arm and down her side. Once he reaches her hip he makes his way back up, his touch soft as a feather against her skin even as he traces every curve of her face. It's as though he's memorizing her, like he's afraid she'll fade by morning. Maybe part of him is afraid it'll all be a dream come morning, a beautiful dream he doesn't yet posses. He then shifts wrapping his arms around her again to pull her close and press his face into her chest. He's not trying to be cute or sexual; he just wants to hear the steady soothing rhythm of her heart.

They'd lain this way before, as she rolls onto her back wrapping her arms around him as his remain locked around her lithe body beneath him. They'd lain this way in Selena's house in New Brunswick with his head upon her chest. But this is different, this time there's not a stitch between them and he can feel the warmth of her skin against his. His fingers trailing along her side slowly as he rests his head upon her chest more comfortably now, her skin feels as smooth as silk beneath his rougher touch but neither of them seem to mind the difference. Her own fingers move through his hair and down the upper part of his back in idle lazy circles, her nails grazing his skin softly.

She can feel his lashes brush across her breast as his eyes drift closed and she smiles softly tilting her head to kiss the top of his as once again she uses her hand to pull his hair out of her way. Her lips linger against his skin as she whispers. "I love you Tommy, sweet dreams."

His lips place the faintest kiss against her skin between her breasts, his breath so warm mimicking butterfly wings upon her sensitive skin as he whispers in return, "I love you Girl," his arm tightening around her middle as he starts to drift to sleep listening to the sound of her heart beating beneath him.

Surrounding them are the soft sounds of a song playing from her clock radio on the night stand as she reaches over turning it on and switching off the lamp.

**Lying here with you,  
Listening to the rain,  
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face,  
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive,  
These are the moments I'll remember all my life,  
I found all I've waited for,  
And I could not ask for more.**

**Looking in your eyes,  
Seeing all I need,  
Everything you are is everything to me,  
These are the moments I know Heaven must exist,  
These are the moments I know all I need is this,  
I've found all I've waited for,  
And I could not ask for more.**

**I could not ask for more than this time together,  
I could not ask for more than this time with you,  
Every prayer has been answered,  
Every dream I've had's come true,  
Yeah, right here in this moment,  
Is right where I'm meant to be,  
Here with you, here with me. . . Yeah.**

**These are the moments, I thank God that I'm alive,  
These are the moments, I'll remember all my life,  
I've got all I've waited for,  
And I could not ask for more. . .**

**I could not ask for more than this time together,  
I could not ask for more than this time with you,  
Every prayer has been answered,  
Every dream I've had's come true,  
And right here in this moment,  
Is right where I'm meant to be,  
Here with you, here with me. . .**

**I could not ask for more than this love you give me,  
Cause it's all I've waited for . . .  
And I could not ask for more,  
I could not ask for more.**

**A/N L adyKatyUltimateFan,**** carenicoleIQ, and ****Saderia I hope this chapters pleases you especially, and for all the others who were anxious for Tommy and Jude to finally try again. But I promise folks it's not quite over yet! Come on they can't have it that easy! What's the fun in that? I have a little more in store for the pair but I promise the wait and end result of all they go through will be well worth it!**


	21. Chapter Twenty

A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

**A/N Song: Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce. Again I wish to thank all of my wonderful readers/reviewers for your amazing words of encouragement! I am so sorry it's taken me so long to update this time! Things have gotten complicated and I had a little trouble in writing chapter twenty-three. I wanted it to come out perfect and sometimes perfection is hard to achieve! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I hope to be able to post the next chapter in the next day or so! Depends on how long it takes me to write chapter Twenty-Four of course! Ciao!  
**

Chapter Twenty

For the past month they didn't seem to anyone else to be any different. No one seemed to realize the transition from friends to couple and maybe that's due in part to the fact that the people here don't really understand the pair's history enough to notice. Or maybe to them it doesn't seem any different, they still fight every other day, sometimes every other hour, they still make breathtaking music together. Her album is actually finished now and ahead of schedule and her manager decided to give the pair some time off for a couple of months. Upon their return however they would have a big release party for the album and a concert with it to debut another new single from it as well as a duet the pair had written.

Publicly Jude nor Tommy has announced their involvement beyond the artist/producer Europe is used to, but her fan base back in Canada and even in the US have become highly suspicious of the two. They know they're going to have to make an announcement soon, and what better time than during one of her concerts? At least this is Tommy's theory. After some smooth talking on the part of Jude and her manager they had convinced Tommy to fully come out of retirement and record his first solo album which is nearly finished now as well. He'd had so much written before hand all it had taken was sitting down and actually recording it, and with the help of his lovely co-producer it wasn't a surprise at all that they were nearly finished with production. So now upon the end of their vacation when the concert rolls around they would be making their relationship public fact.

It's the night before they're due to leave for vacation and they're, standing in front of two open suitcases they're packing things in as a team, she pulls things from the drawers or closet and hands them off to Tommy who places them neatly in their respective suitcase. They're nearly half finished when his cell phone goes off causing them both to jump in surprise. He pulls it out of his pocket frowning at the photo displayed on his screen. He kisses her forehead and takes the phone out into the hall shutting the door behind him to keep her from hearing the yelling match he can feel coming.

It is only a matter of seconds before she can hear his angry muffled voice coming through the walls as she finishes packing their belongings for the trip they had planned. She zips them both closed pulling them off onto the floor before sitting down on the edge of the bed to wait, straining herself to see if she can hear at least his end of the conversation. She wrinkles her nose in irritation that she can't make out a single word he's obviously yelling into the phone at whoever is on the other end, but she's already got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach at the result to come. She looks at their already packed bags longingly knowing full well that whatever has him this angry means their trip is cancelled. While that upsets her, she's more concerned over the what's and why's of the disruption. He was really already walking a fine line of sanity. They'd been dancing around the issues since the night they'd decided to try again. The whole month she has been trying to get him to talk about it but he continues to push it aside, sweep it under the rug so to speak. He is back to his old self in that sense and it's driving her absolutely insane. She'd been hoping that their upcoming vacation she could break down his defenses again and get him to let her in.

She jumps slightly as Tommy literally busts in her bedroom door, or well their bedroom it had sort of unofficially become, he sleeps in here most nights and keeps some clothes in here as well in his own room. She looks up at him with concern written across her delicate features. "What's wrong Tommy? Who was it?"

"My brother Tristan, he's demanding I come back to New Brunswick." He growls at her, not meaning to but he's still seething at the demand. He thought he was through jumping through hoops for his family only to find he'd runaway with Jude before he'd tied everything up. Sure he'd gone back to Canada for a month to tie things up before moving here, tie things up in Toronto. It had never occurred to him there was anything to tie up in New Brunswick. Now he was being forced to forgo his much anticipated vacation with his girl to go back to his childhood home and face things he doesn't want to face.

"Why's he demanding you go back Tom?" She stands crossing the room to where he stands leaning against the wall beside the bedroom door. She reaches up to touch his face only to watch him pull away as he tries desperately not to look at her.

"He insists I have to go through everything in the house with him, everything was left to both of us. I don't know why she bothered to put me in her damn will!" His fists which were hanging at his sides slam into the wall behind him causing it to shake beneath him and his hands to throb. He pushes from the wall side stepping to try and get away from her even though it's the last thing in the world he really wants. When it comes to his past, to his blood he still instantly puts his walls back up even against her. He still can't help but be afraid of the consequences of really exposing that part of himself to her. Sure she'd caught a glimpse of Tommy Dutois crashing during their last visit to New Brunswick. But that's exactly what it was; a glimpse and he'd nearly lost her during one of the fights they'd had in the middle of it all.

"Because you're her son, despite whatever happened or all of what happened between you two. Nothing could change the fact she brought you into the world, so she chose to keep you in her will Tom. Maybe it's time you face your demons head on, then maybe you can finally be rid of them. Then you can finally find some peace." Once again she closes the distance between them reaching up and taking his face into her hands not letting herself be pushed away. She holds her ground even as she feels his hands grab her wrists tightly. "You can do this Tommy, and you won't do it alone. But I think you need this. I think it'll help you truly make peace with this part of your past and finally heal."

"You're not coming Jude. He doesn't want me to have any 'distractions'." He removes his hands from her wrists long enough to do air quotes around the word before trying again to pull her hands from his face. He succeeds in that much but she's still not backing down from him as he tries to look anywhere but at her.

"I don't care what your brother wants. This is about you, not him. You'll do whatever it is he's demanding of you, and you'll make your peace. But there is no way in hell you're talking me out of going this time with some bullshit about needing to do this alone like you did the first time you went. I'm going and I'm making sure you get the chance to heal, not shatter completely." She twists her wrists free of his hands and for the third time grabs his face. Finally she manages to get him to look at her and she can feel the emotions inside of her gripping her heart so tight she's afraid it's going to be crushed when she sees the tears welling in his pale eyes and all the pain he's desperately trying to hide from her and himself.

"I…" He starts to speak but in meeting her loving electric blue eyes it's all he can do to keep from crumbling beneath her touch. He reaches up and watches as she tenses prepared to hold her ground, but this time he's not trying to remove her hands. His hands are shaking slightly now as he curls them against her jaw right beneath her ears so his fingers curl against her neck as he leans his head down to rest his forehead on hers. "I don't know if I can do this Girl…"

"You can, and you will, and I'll be with you the whole way. No matter what Tommy, we're a team remember? I promise you." She tilts her head slightly breaking the connection between their foreheads to kiss his lips softly before pulling back to look into his eyes.

"Why do you put up with me Harrison?" He cautiously questions as his thumbs brush softly against her cheeks for a moment before he lets her go moving so that he can collapse onto the edge of the bed. He drops his hands into his lap as he looks up at her, his eyes still full of tears he refuses to shed.

"Because I love you, you moron," a slight smile curls against her lips as she walks towards him. She stands in front of him sliding her fingers through his hair, curling her fingers against his head as she feels his arms wrap around her waist drawing her against him, his head pressing into her flat stomach.

"I love you so much Girl."

She soothingly runs her fingers through his hair for a few minutes before pushing herself back from him slightly, not out of his embrace just back enough she can look down at him again. "We're already packed, so why don't I make the flight arrangements and cancel the cottage just for now and call it a night yea?"

"All right, I guess put us on the earliest flight you can get tomorrow?"

She nods leaning down she captures his face between her velvet hands again before allowing her lips to do the same with his, she sucks his lower one between hers for just a moment putting all her love into the kiss before ending it and kissing his forehead. She walks out of the bedroom leaving him wide eyed and panting as she goes to make the calls.

He sighs as the door shuts behind her and stands to tidy the room before stripping down to his green and blue plaid boxers and climbing into bed to wait for her. He lies down on his back with his arms folded under his head staring up at the ceiling watching the fan blades spin round and round slowly. Each time they circle around he can feel his eye lids getting heavier and heavier and before he knows it they're closed and he's drifting into a restless sleep as he waits for her to come to bed.

It's nearly two hours before she's finally got everything ready for them including a rental when they arrive in New Brunswick and a hotel so they don't have to stay with his brother or Selena if he decides it's too hard for him. The cottage she just out right cancels for the time being swearing they will reschedule as soon as the family emergency is resolved and they have more vacation time. Finally she shuts off all the lights, locks the doors and walks back into the bedroom instantly beginning to undress. She glances towards the bed only to find Tommy tossing and turning, even with only the pale light of the moon coming in through the open curtains she can see the beads of sweat forming from the distress he's in. She's left in nothing but a pair of panties, the intimate way they sleep every night, as she crawls across the bed to him. "Tommy?" She calls his name, worry and fear gripping her voice as she does, her hand reaching out to curl against his shoulder tugging him back and forth in an attempt to shake him from whatever dream or nightmare has its hold on him.

It takes her a good couple of minutes to wake him, and when she finally does he wakes up panting as if he'd been running his hand clutching his chest. He turns his head towards her at the sound of her whispered words, a hand lifting to touch her face to prove she's really there. "Oh God…" is all he says before sobs over take him.

"Tommy? What's wrong?" She lies down beside him wrapping her arms around him as he turns to face her pressing his damp face into her neck. Whatever had plagued his sleep was ripping through him and it scares her.

"God Girl… if I ever… I can't…"

He makes no sense to her but it doesn't matter, she brushes his hair out of her way to kiss his damp forehead shushing him gently before pushing him away from her just enough she can look into his terrified eyes. "Everything's okay. It was only a dream Tommy."

"It felt so real Jude… So real…" He shudders against her willing the images to fade from his memory and leave him in peace. He knows the longer he's awake the more they'll fade, the longer he's wrapped against her. But the fear it leaves behind grips him so tightly it feels as though it's suffocating him.

"But it wasn't Tommy. I'm here, you're here, we're both okay. Breathe Tommy, I'm not going anywhere. Everything's fine." She kisses his forehead again, trailing kisses down the side of his face before capturing his quivering salt laced lips with her own lovingly. It hurt her so deep to see him so afraid of a simple dream, so shaken, but at the same time it warmed her. It warmed her to know he was finally letting her in more. They'd been on such a roller coaster over the years they'd known one another, he'd let her in so far and then back pedal to where she almost felt as though they were strangers only to be let back in and watch it all repeat itself. Over and over again it had done that until she'd left for London after her final concert in Toronto. Then when he'd come to see her it had started all over, it had been a crazy ride through her whole visit to New Brunswick to his arrival for good in London to now. Even today it had started to make its usual pattern known, but then it had crashed down here and now as he seemed to fall more openly to her than he'd done before. He'd cried in front of her before but not like this, not gut wrenching sobs and fear that made his fear in the hospital look like a walk in the park.

She has no idea what plagued his dreams but it didn't matter, they were simply that. Nothing was going to happen to either of them, she wasn't leaving him, not ever. She can feel him still shaking but no longer sobbing against her as she wraps herself against him. Her fingertips float over his skin as soft as silken feathers as her voice slips past her lips in soothing melodies at first she's only humming the beginnings of a song before the words take flight from her lips. What better way to soothe him and pave the way for pleasant dreams and restful slumber? Even if the song isn't her own but an old one she'd learned from her father.

_If I could save time in a bottle  
The first thing that I'd like to do  
Is to save every day  
Til eternity passes away  
Just to spend them with you  
If I could make days last forever_

_If words could make wishes come true  
I'd save every day  
Like a treasure  
And then again  
I'd spend them with you_

_But there never seems to be enough time  
To do the things you want to do once you find them  
I've looked around enough to know  
That you're the one I want to go through time with_

_If I had a box just for wishes  
And dreams that had never come true  
The box would be empty  
Except for the memory of how  
They were answered by you_

_But there never seems to be enough time  
To do the things you want to do once you find them  
I've looked around enough to know  
That you're the one I want to go through time with_

By the time the final word passes her lips and she's hummed the final chords she can feel his breathing has relaxed into that of sleep. She shifts reaching down to pull the covers over them before snuggling against him with her arms wrapped around him as his are still around her. She kisses his damp forehead one last time before closing her eyes and letting sleep claim her as well, grateful the alarm on her phone is already set.

**A/N I know I know… a bit odd seeing such a vulnerable Tommy isn't it? But that's a side they avoided exploring in the show since he always seemed to push her away when he was at risk of being vulnerable. So I figured that's the perfect thing to explore! It could be what finally strengthens their relationship to a point in which it can make it for the long haul finally! Though only time will tell! I hope you enjoyed this chapter my amazing wonderful faithful readers/reviewers! Stay tuned for more!**


	22. Chapter Twenty One

A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

**A/N Song: Dead Skin by Cross Fade. Thanks again to all my wonderful faithful readers/reviewers! This story is slowly winding down, I've actually written all but the epilogue and once it is written I'll start work on my next fic as I continue posting the remaining chapters of this fic! I am hoping to be a good two or three chapters into the new fic by the time I complete posting for this one! This chapter through Twenty-Three was a little difficult to write and get it worded the way I wanted as quickly as I had the rest of this story. I love all of you guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a prelude to drama that is coming in the next chapter or two! Ciao!  
**

Chapter Twenty-One

It was late in the evening when they had arrived in New Brunswick the previous night so they had opted to simply go straight to the hotel and sleep and deal with Tristan Dutois in the morning. Tommy is awake long before Jude, his eyes fluttering open as the first rays of morning light come through the window spilling over the bed they lay tangled in. He looks down at the beautiful woman lying upon his chest and smiles faintly. He knows if he's done nothing else right in his life, she is the one thing he did do right. He let her in, and fell completely in love with her. His fingers sift through her silken waves lifting them gently only to let them fall through his fingers little by little and float down onto her bare back, his other hand reaches up to allow his fingers to toy with the chain that resides around his neck. Seeing as much like this morning he is always awake before her he pushes the ring behind him so that only the chain is exposed if she is to stir before he gets out of bed and dressed for the day ahead of them. It's not that he is ashamed of the ring, far from it, but he doesn't want her questioning it. He wants it to be known when the time is right to ask her one more time.

He watches her sleep for a half hour before he ever so carefully slides out from under her and out of the bed. He grabs his clothes for the day and silently walks into the bathroom to shower and prepare for the day before bothering to wake her. He wants to let her sleep as long as he can and allow himself the time to think. So much has happened since his first trip to see her in London with Sadie for her twenty-first birthday. It seemed ages ago now with all that they have once again been through. All the fights, his mother's hospitalization, his own decaying existence, and of course the accident that nearly robbed him of her. His mind is often plagued by it, by the what ifs of the situation that had been placed in front of them.

Now he's mentally preparing to the fireworks that are inevitable in dealing with his brother. The first hell that will be faced is the fact he has done exactly what Tristan had demanded he not do; he'd brought Jude. He knows leaving her at the hotel won't happen and in all honesty he's grateful she's still as stubborn and fiery as she was the day he met her. He's only now learning to admit to himself that he needs that, it's one of the many things that caused him to fall in love with someone so much younger than himself. Standing beneath the hot steady stream of water he smiles to himself remembering the conversation he'd had with his best friend Kwest about her the night of her sixteenth birthday party. What he'd said was the truth too, he wasn't that guy and she did and still does get him the most. In the past couple of years she's learned more about him and his past than even Kwest knows about him.

She can hear the water running from the shower as she stirs, stretching her limbs before climbing out of the bed and wrapping the sheet around her body. She grabs her clothes for the day and steps into the bathroom just as he's stepping out of the shower. "Morning Quincy." She leans in and kisses his cheek before removing the sheet and her final stitch of clothing climbing into the shower he had adjusted to suit her without a second thought.

"Morning Harrison, I'm surprised you're up already." He teases his normally lazy girl. His Girl; it brings a smile to his face when he thinks about the fact she really is his again. Not just his in the way he'd always laid claim to her but in the reality that they were once again together and this time he hopes it's for keeps.

"Well the bed got a little cold when you left. Besides, didn't want to risk you deciding to be sneaky and leave without me with the letting me sleep excuse." She yells over the sound of the shower.

"You know me too well Girl. But seriously, are you really sure about going with me today? It's really okay if you've changed your mind."

She peeks out of the shower at him. "Relax Quincy I'm going, and it's not going to end up like the first time. It'll be fine."

He shudders not bothering to respond to that as he thinks back to when she'd showed up unannounced to see him when he came to take care of his mother the first time in Tristan's absence. Their stubbornness had done the opposite and cost them their relationship for several months and at the end of that was of course her leaving for London without him. This time around he hopes things will be different, but when dealing with his family he knows how fiery things get, but he's learning. He knows that if he wants to make them last she'll have to know this side of him eventually. After all she can't love Thomas Quincy without loving Thomas Dutois as well, and everything in New Brunswick screams Thomas Dutois. Will it really go any better this time? Or will it result in the same roller coaster of disaster?

An hour later and they're dressed, fed, caffeinated, and in the jeep on their way to his mother's place. He'd already called over there to see if Selena would be around so at least there would be some buffer between them and Tristan's wrath. With Tommy driving it also meant his choice in music and thankfully there were things they actually agreed on, and Cross Fade happened to be one of them. As they head down the all too familiar road the sounds of Dead Skin by Cross Fade is blaring out of the speakers of the jeep.

**So I'm the king of all these things  
Of this mess I have made  
Such a waste  
What a shame  
My whole life is a fake  
Well I'm a bore and I'm sure  
I'm a thorn inside of you  
That has torn at you for years**

**The alcohol, the Demerol,  
These things never could replace  
What a minute with you could do  
To put a smile on my face  
Well I'm a bore and I'm sure  
I'm a thorn inside of you  
That has torn at me for years**

**I can't get out of this dead skin  
I can't shed my skin  
Not sure where to begin  
I can't get under my dead skin  
I can't shed my skin  
Can I sleep till then?**

**Phenobarbital and alcohol  
These two surely will do  
To knock me out  
To keep me down  
At least a day or two  
When I'm awake  
I can taste how bitter I've become  
And it's more than I can bear  
Some days I pray, someone will blow me away  
Make it quick, but let it burn  
So I can feel my life fade  
Well, I'm a waste, and I can taste  
How bitter I've become  
And it's more than I can bear**

**I can't get out of this dead skin  
I can't shed my skin  
Not sure where to begin  
I can't get under my dead skin  
I can't shed my skin  
Can I sleep til then?**

**(I can't shed my skin)  
(I can't shed my skin)**

**I can't get out of this dead skin  
Not so well to begin  
I can't get under my dead skin  
Can I sleep til then?**

**I can't get out of this dead skin  
I can't shed my skin  
Not so well to begin  
I can't get under my dead skin  
I can't shed my skin  
Can I sleep til then?**

The words float inside his head even as they pull up to the house and he kills the engine. His hands grip the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles are white from the pressure. He's heard the song a number of times before but this is the first time he had ever really paid attention to the lyrics, and being here they truly hit home. He rests his forehead on the wheel, for the moment he seems entirely oblivious to Jude's presence beside him, and in truth he is. He's lost in his own thoughts, his own lack of reality. The song said it pretty well exactly how he feels. 'My whole life is a fake' and here in his home town that's how it feels. His life with her feels like it's fake because it began with Tom Quincy, a made up name for a made up guy trying to be a man and escape. Now it was all going to unravel, completely this time. It was going to unravel in ways it had never done before, would she be there when it was all said and done? When she knew everything there was to know about Tom Dutois?

He jumps slightly when he feels her hand come to rest on his shoulder, his head lifting to look at her with eyes of pale blue for just a moment before he leans over and kisses her forehead. "Come on Girl, let's get this over with." His smile is faint, distant and sad as he climbs out of the jeep waiting for her before they walk together to the front door. He knocks even as he opens the screen door calling out. "Yo, Trist! Where are you?" He calls his hand still entwined with Jude's as much for her comfort as his own.

"Hey Tom," Selena greets them from the kitchen doorway leaning against it with a nod towards Jude not announcing her presence for obvious reasons. "Tristan's down in the basement."

"Thanks Sel." He leans towards Jude and kisses her cheek before releasing her hand, whispering to her. "I'll just be a minute, stay with Sel." Then he walks down into the basement to figure out where Tristan wants him to start and maybe break the ice so to speak in regards to Jude's presence.

Jude shifts uncomfortably as Selena walks towards her keeping her voice quiet enough that the guys won't hear them. "How's it going Jude?"

"Things were okay until, well until Tristan called two nights ago." Jude shrugs slightly not really understanding this family completely as much as she wishes she did. She follows Selena out onto the porch.

"Tristan just feels like since he had to come back from his job to deal with this Tom has to make the same effort, especially since Tom got to skip out on most of the responsibility when it came to Miriam. Besides to Trist you're just another reason for Tom to forget where he comes from, who he is and fall further into the guy he pretends to be."

"You mean forget that he's a Dutois?"

"Yes. Family is forever here Jude, this is a small town we all grew up right here together. That's why Tom didn't want to put his mom in a home, but he couldn't handle her like Tristan could. All she could see was their history, who he was as a pain in the ass kid. Besides he couldn't stand what went down between you two when you were here then. I'm sure he wasn't quite himself when he went back to Toronto was he?"

"No, he wasn't. But things came together, like they always did with us."

"Look Tristan isn't going to be very pleasant in the beginning or possibly ever when it comes to you. Be prepared."

"Why? What did I do?"

"To him you're the biggest reason that in his mind Tom has turned his back on us and where he came from. Trist would never have put her in a home even after she set the kitchen on fire, or if he was forced to he'd have stayed close and seen her every day. Tom split, again. He went back to Toronto for you; regardless what other reason he might have gave for going back you were the real reason Jude. You were the reason he landed himself in the fight, you know the one that put him in jail? It was about you. You mean more to Tom than anything, including his cars."

"Seriously?"

"With all that's happened you actually have to ask that?"

"I…" But Jude's words are interrupted by the sudden slamming of the basement door and the yelling that now echoes inside the house. Both women try and keep their presence silent on the porch as the fight inside explodes.

"This is about family Tom! That kid isn't family! I told you to leave her in London, didn't I?! Do you ever think about anyone but yourself Tom?" Tristan shouts at Tom, advancing on him trying to intimidate him.

"She _is_ my family Tristan! You haven't even met her! Don't you dare talk about things you don't understand! You may not want her here but I _need_ her here! Selena doesn't have a problem with it, why the hell should you?!" Tom is backing towards the wall beside the front door. For anyone to see Tom afraid of anything is shocking to say the least. Whether he is actually afraid of Tristan is questionable, or if he is just trying to avoid physical confrontation for the sake of the situation and his Girl.

"I know she's the reason you keep abandoning your family! Your responsibility! She's turned you into a simpering child! You're at her beck and call!"

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up! You don't know what you're talking about!" He shifts away from the wall and storms out of the screen door past both women stomping at the other end of the porch, his hands gripping the railing tightly.

"I know you're choosing some little pop star over your blood, your responsibility." Tristan follows Tommy onto the porch turning then towards Jude. "Speak of the child. Can't you chase after someone your own age?"

Tommy spins around to face Tristan his mouth opening to rip his brother apart for talking to Jude like that only to see Jude beat him to it. "You're an ass. I'm sorry that the stick up your ass prevents you from falling in love, but that's no reason to sit here and berate your brother for finding it. He's made mistakes, but I'll bet so have you in your life time. But Tom has also done some incredible things. He is an amazing artist in his own right and an even better producer. Now if you have a problem with me then be a man and bring it to me, stop ripping into him instead. Now I'm here because he wants me here, to help with whatever I can; and I swear if you try and tell me the best way I can help is to leave I will slap that look right off your face." She may not have the flaming red hair any more but she sure as hell still has the temper that matched it as both Selena and Tom watch her stare down his brother.

Tristan can't even begin to think of something to retort with, instead he storms back into the house the screen door crying in his wake as it slams shut so hard it swings open again only to slam shut once more and after the echo of the basement door slamming close follows. Tommy closes the distance between the two of them in a few long strides ignoring Selena beside her with her mouth hanging open. He wraps his arms around her waist lifting her off the ground and holding her tightly to his chest. No one had ever stood up for him quite like that and he knew it wasn't the first time she had done it. But it was different for him to witness her tearing into someone on his behalf and to see just how much she meant every word that fell from her lips. He whispers against her ear, "I love you Girl."

"I love you too Tommy." She whispers back as he lowers her back down.

"Well let's get this whole thing over with so we can all get away from Tristan's wrath yea? Tommy you cover the living room since it seems you two can't be left alone together and he's got the basement. Jude you and I can take the bedroom." Selena interrupts the lovers with a hand on Jude's shoulder.

Tommy nods reluctantly to have Jude out of his sight despite knowing she can handle herself even against his brother. Wasn't he supposed to protect her? Here she is protecting him against his own family, boy they really can't do anything the traditional way can they? He shakes his head as the three of them head into the house to work with hopefully no further uproars.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

A/N Don't own, don't sue

**A/N **

Chapter Twenty-Two

They'd all been sorting through things and boxing up Miriam Dutois's life for the past eight hours. Everyone had finally reached the point of starvation and exhaustion, but it's Selena who finally forces everyone to stop and begins fixing dinner in the kitchen with a little assistance from Jude. She pays no mind to Tristan but can't keep from looking at Tommy, checking to see that he is okay. She knows it has to be killing him to be going through this and then dealing with his brother on top of it. But there is an odd expression on his handsome features now, like he's lost in the past. She leans towards Selena and whispers, "Do you know what's wrong with Tom?"

Selena looks behind them at Tommy who is now seated at the kitchen table staring off into space as he drums his fingers on the table top. Tristan is off in the living room in front of the TV with a beer staying as far from Tommy as he can to avoid further issues. He may seem as much the tough guy as Tommy if not more so, but even he wasn't going to push Jude too far or his cousin for that matter. Selena looks back at Jude with a shrug of her shoulders. "No clue. I don't think they had any further fight, we'd have heard them. Maybe it's just the pain of going through all of her things?" Tom may be her cousin but in a lot of ways she barely knew him. That was a hard thing for her and even more so for Tristan to grasp, Jude knew Tommy in a way neither of them or the rest of their family ever would. She knows both sides of Tom, the one who showed to the world in his music, and the one who grew up here in New Brunswick. In a way she secretly almost envies the kid.

"Would you mind?"

"Go ahead, I got this. Why don't you two go on down to the lake? It should be at least an hour before dinner's ready, and I'll call your cell."

"Thanks Sel." Jude nods towards Selena before crossing the short distance from the stove to where Tommy sits in his own little world at the table. She gently wraps her arms around his neck as she kisses the top of his head before leaning down to whisper to him. "Go for a walk with me Quincy?"

Tommy's eyes close momentarily as her arms encircle him his head leans back into her chest. At the gentle caress of her voice against his ears he opens his eyes craning his head to look at her silently for a moment before standing and taking her hand letting her lead him wherever she wants to go. Silently he follows her until they reach the water's edge, he looks up at her questioningly, "Jude?"

"Tommy, I know you don't I?" She watches him nod before continuing. "I know when something's wrong with you same as you would me. So what is it? Ever since Sel called a break on the house you've been sitting in there at the table looking so lost…"

"I…" He starts before looking away releasing her hand and taking a few steps away from her, his hands taking comfort in the pocket of his jeans. "I feel lost Girl. That house is killing me; everything in it is just reminder after reminder of what I've done wrong in my life. Of all the people and times I have been a disappointment.Then if it couldn't get any worse I found this…" He pulls a locket out of his pocket turning back to face her as he dangles it out in front of him.

"You made mistakes babe, everyone has. But look at all you've done with your life that you have to be proud of? I think it greatly out weighs the mistakes you've made. So Tristan was the kiss ass when you were kids, so what? So was Sadie. It didn't make me a bad person because I chose a different path than her." She closes the distance between them taking the locket from his grasp as she wraps her arms around him, her hands getting lost in his hair as she presses her forehead to his. "I remember that day Tommy, and I remember waiting for you to come back. I remember getting the call from jail, and our fight. I remember bailing you out and leaving before you came back. It wasn't one of our finest hours Tom. But look at where we both are now? We have each other again don't we? Good or bad all of the things that happen in our lives lead us to where we are. You may have not been the perfect son, but you are a wonderful man Thomas Dutois. I love you, so much. I love the man who insisted he was Tom Quincy and _not_ Little Tommy Q. But I also love Tom Dutois who gets into drunken fights with his oldest friends in a bar and lands his butt in jail. You aren't perfect, I will be the last one to ever try and tell you that you are. What you are is absolutely perfectly you. It sounds cheesy to say but it doesn't make it less true. You can't go back in time and fix all of your mistakes babe but you can move forward and forgive yourself even if the person you want to forgive you isn't here to do it. She made mistakes too, you told me that yourself. I know going through her house is killing you, but maybe it'll help you put your history behind you and realize that good or bad it helped to shape who you are. It helped shape the very man I fell in love with at fifteen." She pulls her head back now to look at him to see his eyes barely open and the tears spilling down his stubbled cheeks. She brings her hands to his cheeks brushing them away before kissing his forehead. "You have to allow yourself the ability to make peace with everything, your past, yourself, and even your brother. You also have to remember you're not alone any more. It's not you against the world Tommy, it's us. But you need to give it your all to put your past really behind you this time. Don't you think I can see how it haunts you in London? I can hear it in your voice; I can see it in your eyes, on your face. I can hear it when you sing for me, and when you're recording."

"How do you do it Girl?" He questions his forehead coming to rest against hers again.

"Do what?"

"You knew exactly what was going on in my head just now. You've always known me. But you were just a kid."

"I was, but I'm not any more Tommy. But maybe that's why you weakened your guard around me because you thought of me as just a kid. It was safe to you deep down. You never expected me to become more than just your teenage artist to you. So you relaxed and left yourself open all those late nights, or when we went to re-write 24, or on my sixteenth birthday when you let me drive the viper, or when you kissed me that night. So while you can constantly be a puzzle I'm still waiting to finish putting together, you're also an open book to me."

He tilts his head slightly brushing his lips softly against hers before pulling back to look at her. He leans in again capturing her lips with his own this time the kiss is deeper lasting moments longer before it too ends as he rests his forehead against hers. "I don't know what I've done to deserve you Girl. All this that day and you're still here."

"Yea well, I kind of love you, you moron." She grins kissing him quickly before tilting her head up and kissing his forehead. She loves using that line against him once and a while, it always seems to bring a smile to his face. She knows it forces him to remember the fun they had during her first visit to New Brunswick, before all of his personal drama.

"I love you too Jude." He sighs closing his eyes as he hears her cell phone go off.

"It's Sel." She kisses him briefly before flipping open her phone and answering it. "Hey Sel. Yea, we'll head back now. Okay, bye." She closes her phone taking Tommy's hands into her own. "Let's go eat Quincy."

All four adults are seated around the small table silently toying with their food, occasionally taking bites without saying a word. The silence is deafening, almost unbearable when Selena finally breaks it. "Will you two ever grow up and put your past behind you? You're brothers for crying out loud. Aside from me you are all either of you has left of this family now. Tristan Tom and I are really all you have left at all inside or outside of this family, so don't you think it's time to make amends?"

"Sel…" Tommy starts, before being cut off by his brother.

"Selena to put things aside and 'make up' with Tom I'd have to actually condone his relationship with the child seated at my mother's table. I don't. Once again he's throwing his life away, as if he hasn't done that enough for one lifetime." Tristan shakes his head, not even bothering to look up from his plate as he speaks.

"Yes because doing what he loves is truly wasting his life isn't it? Being with someone he loves is ruining his life? I know you can't seem to let yourself fall in love, but that didn't mean Tom was supposed to do the same. Heaven knows he tried not to."

"He's going to expect someone to pick up the pieces when this ends in disaster like his first marriage."

"Leave Portia out of this Tristan," Tom finally cuts into the argument between him and Selena. He shakes his head lifting his gaze from the plate in front of him to look at his brother. "I was a kid then, we both were. But this is different. Jude is different. I'm not a child and neither is she. She's twenty-one for Pete's sake! I tried not to love her, I really did. Not because she was too young or because I was too old, but because I know I'm not good enough for her. But she's impossible not to love, and even more impossible not to fall in love with. I'm just the only one lucky enough to have earned her love in return, despite all the wrongs I've done. But this isn't some fame induced infatuation."

"Actually, I still give him crap for being in a 90's boy band. But I'm proud of what he's accomplished because of his not so humble beginnings with the band. Take a real look at your brother Tristan. He's one of the best producers in the business. And not just here in Canada, he's highly sought across the world. That's why my label in London jumped at the chance to hire him, they knew how easily he could get work with any label when he left G-Major. But he's also an amazing man. So open your eyes before it's too late." Jude shakes her head pushing her chair from the table and standing up walking out the back door letting it slam shut behind her.

"That kid is seriously full of fire." Selena shakes her head laughing before pushing her own chair from the table and standing. "I'll leave you boys to talk, I'll check on Jude." She walks behind Tommy touching his shoulder before walking outside to talk to Jude.

"Sel's right. That kid does have some serious fire. Is she always like that?" Tristan asks his first attempt at knowing something more about the girl his brother seems enthralled by.

"No. She's usually worse." Tommy can't hide the grin that dances across his features as he thinks back over the years he's known her and all the fire he'd seen. Most of the time her temper was directed at him, but he wouldn't have it any other way. To this day she challenges him in a way no one else ever would, without giving up on him or thinking less of him.

"And she isn't a Boyz Attack fan?"

"Not in the least. You should have seen her when she first won Instant Star Trist. Georgia told her I was going to be her producer and she nearly went through the rough. I don't think I've ever heard so much disdain when someone said my name. Not even from you or mom. The last thing in the world she wanted was 'Little Tommy Q' producing her. That changed over time, when I proved myself."

"Oh so then she fell head over heels and started kissing your feet like every other teenage girl in Canada?"

"Not even close. We've had more fights than either of us could count. Typically because I screw up and she lets me have it, or we both want our way but we disagree so we go at it. You remember Kwest? Well I pity the man; I've watched him walk out of the studio on numerous occasions with any excuse he could find and sometimes not bothering to give one just to get away from it." Tommy shakes his head thinking back on it all.

"Sounds like a real fire cracker. So what's the deal? I mean she may be legal but she's quite a bit younger than you isn't she?"

"Seven years man, but even mom adored her. She still couldn't see what past what I'd done fifteen years earlier, but she thought Jude was heaven sent. And she is. I can't pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with her, but part of me feels like it's always been there waiting for me to see it. I made serious mistakes over the years. One of the biggest was dating her older sister Sadie. Sadie was already legal when Jude was sixteen and had been a serious Boyz Attacker. Beautiful, legs for days, and actually really intelligent, but she wasn't Jude." He holds his hand up stopping Tristan from trying to tell him he was a moron for doing it. "Believe me, there's nothing you can say that could make me regret my decisions any more than the things Jude said, or the hurt and betrayal I saw in her eyes every day in the studio. Or when I was sent off on an errand for Darius suddenly and had to leave her behind on our first real date. I was so mad at him I took it out on her and didn't explain anything to her, and I foolishly told her I didn't even know if I would come back. But she forgave me, after making me grovel; a lot.

"I also proposed to her the same night she got the offer for London. She accepted, and then during her farewell concert took it back and left me behind in Toronto."

"That when you lost it? Sel wrote me while I was out at sea about you being a serious mess. Not a troublemaker kind like when you were a kid, but bad. She wasn't sure you'd ever pull through. She was afraid you'd waste away into nothing."

"Most days I thought I would too, part of me even wanted to. I didn't think I had a thread of hope left when she moved. I figured she'd find some Brit to fall in love with and I'd be forgotten as some teenage fling. Even after Sadie dragged me to London I didn't have any hope for a future with her. No matter what she said I couldn't see her waiting what I had become. But that's the thing about Jude, she looks beyond whatever is in front of her into what she knows I can be if I'd try and have faith in myself. If I'd believe in myself like she does. So she pushes and fights me until I start to see things her way. She's not a kid man, not by a long shot. She's younger than me, but she's a hell of a lot more mature than I was at her age or in some cases now."

"Now that I believe, but she is the reason you went running back to Toronto isn't she?"

"Mom burnt down the kitchen; it was just proof that my being here with her was doing no one any good. She was better off in the home where she didn't despise the people taking care of her. She adored Jude, but she hated me still for all the foolish things I did as a teen. That's why I left again. Actually her and I kind of split up while I was here, but which is why I was a living nightmare for everyone else to deal with when I got back, and on a downward spiral."

"So you dealt with your problems in typical Tommy fashion then? Did you crawl into a bottle too?"

"No." Tommy rolls his eyes shaking his head as he sighs leaning back in his chair with his fingers curled against the edge of the table as two legs of his chair lift from the floor. He stares at the table as he goes on. "I did however bust the hell out of one of the studio's glass walls with Speiderman's guitar. He's the lead guitarist of the band who used to back Jude; he was working on a solo project at the time this occurred."

"You mean the kid from that stupid honeymoon show?"

"That would be the one. I nearly ripped his head off. I have a feeling he's the one who ratted my behavior out to Jude. She came down to the studio and set me straight. After that things got better, we still weren't a we again, but we were friends and that was a start. Then there was the whole thing with her locked in her basement with an insane fan. After that night we shared a kiss that blew away any other we had ever shared. It was the start of us all over again and then the proposal and London…" He sighs deeply letting the front legs of his chair crash down on the floor again as he hangs his head catching it in his hands, his fingers curl in his hair.

"And now?" Tristan leans forward resting his elbows on the table with a quirked brow.

"I… I don't know. We're together yes; we're living together at her place in London. Separate rooms most nights. But I want more than that man. I'm just afraid of rushing it and pushing her away in the process. And we both know I needed closure here, in Canada, before I can fully commit to the life we're starting in England." He pulls his head from his hands looking towards the door before pulling the ring from its usual hiding spot, removing it from his neck as he hands it to his brother. "I've had it since before she left me for London. I bought it the night of her farewell concert. Originally I had planned to give it to her after we debuted her basement song; 2am. But then she had to do the whole dumping me in front of thousands of people thing. Now I'm just waiting for the right time."

He takes the ring admiring the beautiful gem adorning a platinum band, it's a star shaped sapphire surrounding by smaller star shaped diamonds. He nods before handing it back and watching as Tommy slips it back around his neck. "It's beautiful, a little unorthodox but I have a feeling everything with you two is."

"It is man, it really is. Look, what do you say we bury the hatchet? They're right. It's us and Sel now."

"And Jude, but yeah let's do it."

"Considering her family already Trist?"

"Yeah, well I can see she'll be around for good. She's not like Portia, or any girl that has ever been in your life Tom. I'm sure she'll even grow on me eventually. She seems to have grown on Selena, and we both know how Sel is when it comes to other females."

"I want her to be apart of the family. I want her to always be apart of my life."

"Then figure your shit out kid, get your head together and get the girl."


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

**A/N Hello there faithful readers/reviewers! Welcome to chapter twenty-three! We are beginning the decent towards the end of this particular fanfic, but never fear! I do have another idea in mind! Hopefully my new story will be as well received as this one has been! I love each and every one of my readers/reviewers and I hope I continue to please you all! Your reviews make it so much easier to avoid the evil writer's block daemon! Now, on to the chapter!**

Chapter Twenty-Three

**Two weeks later…**

It had taken the four of them two weeks to pack up the entire house and do a thorough cleaning on the place from top to bottom. The cleaning of course was done mostly by the women on the inside and the men outside. Currently the guys were down at the bar having a breather and a bit of a bonding time while the girls did the same next door at Selena's house. "So Jude, whatever happened with your big plan in the hospital?" Selena probes curiously.

"I think I've actually got it ready to go; now I just need some help getting him into position, and some supplies. Think you're up to the challenge of setting this up?" Jude quirks a brow leaning forward from her lounging position on the sofa her arms folded on her legs after handing Selena a list of supplies she'd need.

"What do you have in mind for Tom?"

"At 2am I need Tom there, I'll sneak away about a half hour before that to set everything up, and make sure he comes in the front door."

"I think I can manage that. I can't wait to see how this unfolds. You two are a major source of entertainment you know. Even when you two are fighting you're enthralling. You will at least let me know how it ends yea?"

"I'll give you any details I can. But this is personal. But the end result should be… hopeful."

"Well he'll be there on time, and I'll leave everything you need in the linen closet of Miriam's place."

**Show time…**

She'd left the bed they shared about a half an hour after he fell asleep, grateful he's a light sleeper, sneaking next door to his mom's very empty house and went to her supplies. It takes her almost two hours to set everything up, but when 2am rolls around she's ready, and so is Tom's childhood home.

Nothing would seem completely out of the ordinary when he came through the front door, only the trail of tea light candles that would lead the way to his childhood bedroom. His hair is out of place from sleep, his eyes blurry as he'd been blindfolded up to the point of opening the front door. That's when Selena had removed it and ran next door to avoid his wrath if it were to explode. After all he didn't like being woke up abruptly any more than Jude. His head tilts casually to the side as he follows with the soft padding of his bare feet on the hardwood floors, the candles to their destination.

When he reaches the door of his room he opens it slowly not sure what he'll find, but what he finds causes his jaw to almost literally hit the floor beneath his feet. It's not what she's wearing really that phases him, as she's only in a t-shirt and a pair of boxers, same as she'd gone to bed with him wearing a few hours before. What has him floored is the fact her long silken waves were a mix of fire and platinum. It's like she had mixed the physical aspects of the first Jude he fell in love with to the one he loves now. The fiery and passionate red head who had won the contest to the girl, who had gone platinum when Darius had taken over G-Majors, was standing before him now. He shakes his head rapidly trying to process the vision in front of him, saying nothing.

Jude is sitting on the floor in the center of the room with a guitar in her lap. She looks up at him only when her fingers begin to tickle the strings, plucking them with the same deep emotions she always has when she places. But something about the way she looks at him they both knew this was different even as her angelic voice breaks the silence.

_In my mind the sun and moon  
Rise and set at your command  
While the stars shine  
In your eyes like silver_

_My heart and soul are yours my love  
Always know my love for you will never end  
As I loved you with my first breath  
So I will love you with my last_

_They say nothing lasts forever  
But I know in my heart  
Love lasts forever  
So here in my heart  
Is where you will stay  
From now until my dying day_

_My heart and soul are yours my love  
My love for you will never end  
I loved you with my first breath  
And I will love you until my last_

_While some say love is just a word  
I know love is more than that  
It's a promise we make, a commitment  
One I will never break_

_Like a new born rose, soft and gentle  
But like the wind  
It's something you cannot see  
But I can feel it in your touch, your kiss  
And I can see it in your eyes_

_My heart and soul are yours my love  
My love for you will never end  
I loved you with my first breath  
And I will love you until my last_

_I want you to know  
As I make this vow to you  
My love for you will never fade  
And I promise you  
No matter what time puts us through  
That will never change_

_So though our time on earth will end  
My love and vow to you will not  
As my love for you is eternal  
I'll always be there when you need me  
Until my dying day_

_My heart and soul are yours my love  
My love for you will never end  
I loved you with my first breath  
And I will love you with my last_

As the last chords fade away and even for a moment her voice withers into silence she sets the guitar aside, standing to her feet. She moves towards him, the tears glistening on both their cheeks in the glow of the candlelight surrounding them. Her voice is but a soft emotion filled whisper as she rests her hands softly on either side of his face. "I love you Tom Quincy or Dutois, or whatever name you want to use; always, forever, and eternally." She rests her forehead against his as the last word passes her lips, their silken expanse capturing his so gently and so lovingly it captivates them both.

It seems as though it's been almost forever before their lips and foreheads break apart, matching tear stained cheeks and eyes glistening with the tears left to be shed when he finally says something. His voice is almost hoarse from the amount of emotion laced within it. "I love you Jude, so much… it kills me sometimes when I realize just how much. I don't…" But he's cut off by the gentle touch of her fingertips to his lips.

"You do, and it's time you start believing it Quincy; and believing in yourself the way that I do. We always get to where we are now and then things fall apart because, well usually you run, but last time I was the one who ran. But I'm tired of running Tommy. I want us to really see where life takes us. You've spent all this time running from your past and now you've finally had your closure, you're even making amends with Tristan. Are you ready to see us for what we really are?"

"Girl, I've never been more ready for anything in all my life…" His finger tips, rough from so many years picking the strings of his guitar, brush against her drying cheeks before pushing back to lock into her mingled tresses. His fingers start to curl into her hair, gripping it and pulling as his lips find hers for a moment in time. The kiss is urgent and full of all the need and fear he's trying to allow to wither away, to let go and allow him to see what their potential truly is.

She pulls from the kiss suddenly, pulling back enough to look into his eyes again as she shakes her head, finger tips coming to rest upon the silken expanse of his lips. "This is what I mean Quincy, we rush into everything. We take everything in our relationship, at any level, like each moment is our very last. Let's start taking things like it's our very first. Act like it's the beginning of forever not the end?" She can see the confusion dancing across his features in the candlelight. Her fingers dance softly over the side of his face, brushing across his forehead and pushing aside a few disheveled locks of dark silk. "We can still do everything with the same passion and fire we always have, but more so if we take our time. We'll learn what that means as we go. But we're done running. I'm not going anywhere, not without you, you're it for me Quincy."

Quincy was no longer such a persona or last name when it fell from her lips; it was like a pet name. It was something about the way it slipped past those supple petals sometimes, like now, as it were a gentle kiss. His long dark lashes flash upon his cheeks collecting unshed tears that cling to their threaded existence like drops of dew upon a rose in the early morning. The subtle action is the only thing that happens, a silent spoken request before he leans in and ever so gently captures her lips with his own. It's like an intricate dance of lovers as his fingers twirl gently now in her silken locks, his other hand curling against her lower back pressing her gently against him. Letting himself go he melts into the soft simplicity of the kiss, it's different than the usual passionate fiery kisses they've shared, or even the more recent chaste scared kisses. This moment holds all the same fire and passion but not the need or fear. When he pulls away again to look down into those eyes, watching them glisten like big bright star encrusted sapphires wrapped in soft silken threads of dark gold, he says something he never thought he'd hear himself say. "We don't know where this road will take us Jude. But if we're trying things differently this time then I want to save that moment. I was your first, but I want the next time to happen with the absolute knowledge I'll be your last, and you'll be mine even though you were not my first." His voice is nothing more than a husky whisper of warm sweet breath against her features as his finger tips shakingly caress her cheek.

"Then skin to skin is where it ends, until the day comes when we say I do." She leans in kissing him as soft and lovingly as he had just kissed her.

**A/N I hope all of you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is the first time also that a song used was written by me! **


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Don't own, don't sue.

**A/N Songs: Blessed, Christina Aguilera; Painter, O-Town; and Thank God I Found You, Mariah Carey, Joe, and 98 Degrees. **

**This is my longest chapter for the entire fic, with 11 pages in word! This is also the last chapter (not counting the epilogue to follow this) for this fic. But never fear! Soon I should have a new fic posted just after the Epilogue for this one arrives in your inboxes! I truly appreciate every single one of my readers/reviewers and plan to leave a better detailed thank you after the epilogue. I hope you like how and where this ended up, I think I might actually be pleased with how it ended up myself. This for me is quite a feat! I have really enjoyed writing this though and walking through Tommy and Jude and life after the show!**

Chapter Twenty-Four

Time is a funny thing, the more fun you're having, the better life is, the faster it seems to move. Every moment with her is like that. Time seems to move so fast whenever they're together, life pushing them forward and never really allowing them to truly savor their time together. As his past is put back where it belongs, behind him, they finally returned to London the morning of the concert. They were intending to tell the whole world they were together, the consequences be damned. After all they were both adults now, who was really going to object? They'd been together for this long, producing each other's music. What could really be wrong with it now?

Life however doesn't seem to like them too much. The charade of being nothing more than dear friends, artist and producer, had been put back in place as unexpected guests had taken over their home. Sure it would only be for the day, but didn't Fate understand how hard even one single day of pretending could be?! On opposite sides of the room they sit, chattering away with the group in the living room. "So you're really performing tonight Tom?" Sadie asks arching a brow as she sits as elegantly as ever on the chair nearest to him, her legs crossed perfectly in a fashion that almost begged men to look her way, a dark skinned hand resting upon her thigh just above her knee.

"Yeah T, why did you wait until now? I would have agreed on the spot, you know that." Darius inquires beside Sadie in that deep commanding voice of his.

"The timing didn't feel right then D. There's something about being here in London, about making music with Jude again that just… It inspired me. Besides, here no one questions our every move. There's no one accusing us of being something we're not, or making demands of us they have no right to make." Tom answers almost glaring in Darius' direction. After all he'd tried so hard to stop him and Jude from working together on more than one occasion.

"It's not right for an artist and their producer to do anything more than make music man, you know that. What happens when the relationship sours? The music suffers, but that's not an issue now. You two have given up trying to go down that disastrous path."

"Yeah, but you never would have believed us Darius. No matter what we said you always assumed you knew something we didn't. That we were together even if we weren't." Jude cuts in, the sound of fire evident in her silken chords, and Tom could see it was killing her as much as it was him to argue this. Arguing something that wasn't even an issue now, lying to the people they love.

"It's all water under or over the bridge guys. So Mr. Squinty, any white suits in sight or any shaking of asses tonight?" Speid interjects into the conversation with a playfully charming grin from where he sits beside Karma, glad to be out of Tommy's physical range right about now. "And you've got rules against models and groupies coming here yea?"

That was the final straw; it was bad enough they weren't telling anyone until the concert, not even those closest to him. But to have to sit here and endure this, he just can't take it. He stands suddenly, not bothering to answer Speid as he walks out the front door heading downstairs to the courtyard to think and blow off steam. It's not like he couldn't tell anyone why he was bothered by the guy's words.

Jude sighs, part of her wants to rip Speid apart, the other wants to run after Tommy and find some way to make things okay. It really doesn't take her long to decide what to do. She excuses herself politely as the others start talking about what's going on back home and she slips out the front door. It's not like she doesn't know where to go to look for him since she knew his keys were still inside. They were a lot alike; they went to the same place to seek refuge.

She makes sure he doesn't hear her coming as she walks up behind him reaching out to take his hand. But the moment her hand touches his he pulls away and turns around to face her, the anger still evident on his chiseled features. "This is killing me Jude! I know it's just until tonight, but listening to him talk to me like that? I know you can't defend me without giving it away, but damn it!" He all but growls the last of his words, slamming his first into the trunk of the tree beside him. He winces as he pulls his hand back to find he'd broken the skin, watching almost fascinated by the blood that wells in the wounds.

At first she says nothing, she grabs his hand at the wrist pulling it towards her and not letting him pull away as she leads him to the fountain. Once they've sat down she pulls the scarf from her hair and dips it into the water washing the blood from his hand. As soon as it's clean she wraps the damp cloth around his hand tying it off for the moment. She looks up at him finally; her voice is so gentle, so defeated this time. It lacks the fire he would usually see in this situation because this time the fire is his to be had. It's like they've switched places, he's the one who wants it to be out in the open, and consequences be damned, while she wants to keep it quiet a little longer as to avoid the reactions of others. "I know it's hard Tommy. You don't think I wanted to tell Speid off for talking to you that way? But just think babe, after tonight, this won't even be an issue. Everyone will know, and then it'll be us against the world, yea?" She reaches up to cup the side of his face with her hand, her own head tilting slightly to the side with a half smile upon her ruby tainted lips.

He sighs deeply, leaning towards her until his forehead rests against hers in such a way his long dark lashes are nearly mingling with hers each time they blink. "Think we can sneak away for 'rehearsal' early then? It's killing me up there unable to kiss you when I want, or touch you without worrying."

She glances down at the watch on his wrist before bringing her gaze back to his pale blue eyes. "I think we can swing that. Meet me in the car in ten minutes, okay?" As he nods she stands to her feet, leaning down she captures his lips with her own in a breathtaking kiss before she runs back towards home, upstairs to where their friends were waiting.

"Hey dude! Where'd you go?" Speid quirks a brow hopping off the arm of the chair he'd been occupying beside his wife.

"I just needed to take my call outside, the studio needs Tom and I earlier than expected for sound check. You guys are welcome to hang here until it's time for the concert, I'll make sure the studio sends a car. But Speid, stop being such an ass to Tommy and try and make an effort okay? Jamie's managed to almost make friends with him. Can't you do the same, for me?" Jude pouts adorably, eyeing Karma for assistance.

"Yea Speidy, what's the point in harassing him so much? It's not like he's breaking her heart every five minutes or something. They've managed to actually make a solid friendship here with each other. Can't you let it go?" Her pout is the one that melts him completely and inwardly both women grin as he melts back down in his seat in defeat.

"Thanks." She eyes Karma a moment longer for a silent additional thank you before grabbing her stuff and heading out the door, leaving her friends and family to themselves for the time being.

Now suspicions are high amongst the group from Toronto, but no one seems to be able to fathom the idea of the infamous pair being back together. Their assumptions instead hit everything but the obvious. Why? That's simple, none of them thought Jude was nearly ready to settle down with him, and besides they still slept in separate rooms!

The concert draws near, the group arriving in a limo while Tommy and Jude were already in their dressing rooms getting ready for the evening, being pampered by the label's make up artists, hair stylists, and wardrobe professionals. While they have it fairly easy with Tommy, putting him in a pair of black slacks, a black dress jacket and a navy blue dress shirt, leaving him to do his own hair of course. Jude was a little more difficult as usual. Her protests could be heard everywhere backstage causing Tom to chuckle in spite of himself.

In a way it was good to hear her protesting as usual, to see her being her usual self amongst all the changes in their lives. His hand lifts and he fingers the ring beneath the collar of his shirt idly after the professionals leave him be to ease the butterflies fluttering like mad, reeking havoc with his insides as he waits for his turn on stage.

He leaves his dressing room and heads for the wings, to watch her perform from backstage or well beside the stage really. His pale blue eyes watching as she enters from the other side of the stage in all her glory. Her lithe form wrapped almost lovingly in an ankle length dress of flowing emerald silk, the bodice of which hugs every subtle curve of her body only to curve into a heart shape across her chest, the straps wrapping up around her neck, tiny heart shaped diamonds hanging delicately from her ears while a matching pendent is suspended from a strand of silver as thin as spider silk from her neck. Her hair is held back only on either side with thing diamond study barrettes allowing her hair to flow down around her in its multicolor splendor.

He can't take his eyes off of her as she steps up to the mic and her scarlet colored lips part as she speaks. "Good evening everyone! Are you guys ready for an amazing night?" She takes a half step back grinning from ear to ear as the crowd in front of her roars to life. As soon as they die down slightly she steps forward again continuing. "Excellent! Well we're doing things a little backwards. Normally a new act would come before my performance, however seeing as how the man sharing the ticket with me tonight is a former performer anyway and we never do things the way everyone else says we should, we decided I would start things off tonight! So, are you guys ready to rock?! First off I'd like to welcome some old friends who have graciously decided to help us out tonight. Say hello to Speiderman's Mind Explosion everyone!" As the crowd roars around her again she dips her head three times to count off before the band behind her, the chords to 'Anyone But You' kicking up as she begins to sing.

He watches as she still thrives off the love and adoration of the crowd, as it fuels her and pushes her to put her best forth in every note, and every chord she plays. He loves how her eyes light up brighter than any of the neon lights bathing her delicate porcelain skin in their radiation filled glow. She looks so elegant tonight though, especially as the lights begin to dim around her, the melodies slowing down behind her as she starts into a newer tune, knowing the person it's for is more than aware of it.

_When I think how life used to be  
Always walking in my shadows  
Then I look  
At what you've given me  
I feel like dancing on my tiptoes  
I must say  
Everyday I wake  
And realize you're by my side  
I know I'm truly_

_Blessed  
For everything you've given me  
Blessed  
For all the tenderness you show  
Do my best  
With every breath that's in me  
Blessed  
To make sure you never go_

_There are times  
That test your faith  
Til you think you might surrender  
Baby I'm  
I'm not ashamed to say  
That my hopes were growing slender  
You walked by in the nick of time  
Looking like an answered prayer  
You know I'm truly _

_Blessed  
For everything you've given me  
Blessed  
For all the tenderness you show  
Do my best  
With every breath that's in me  
Blessed  
To make sure you never go  
_

_Blessed  
With love and understanding  
Blessed  
When I heart you call my name  
Do my best  
With faith that's never ending  
Blessed  
To make sure you feel the same  
Deep inside of me  
You fill me with your gentle touch  
You know I'm truly_

_Blessed  
For everything you've given me  
Blessed  
For all the tenderness you show  
Do my best  
With every breath that's in me  
Blessed  
To make sure you never go  
Never, never go_

As her voice fades, the music following soon after she bows her head a moment, tilting it slightly so she can steal a glance at Tommy to the left of her before lifting her head to the mic and speaking once more. "You guys are an amazing audience! I'd like to welcome out my very first producer who has once more graciously taken on the task of producing me as I thank him by doing the same for his debut solo album due to hit stores the same day as my newest album. So make sure you get both! I give you…. Tom Quincy!" She claps as she steps back watching as he walks towards her leaning in to kiss her cheek and whisper to her. A slight blush rises into her cheeks as she steps away moving to a stool in the corner of the stage as he steps up to the mic.

"Good evening London! Let's give another hand for the beautiful Jude Harrison ladies and gentlemen!" He claps along with the audience keeping his gaze mostly on her even as he addresses their audience. "It's been so many years since I stood here in the spotlight so bear with me if I'm a little rusty! I'd like to start things off slow tonight with a song that goes out to a very special person in my life, and I'd like to thank Speiderman and his band for backing me tonight!"

_If I were a painter, mixing my colors  
How could I ever find, the blue of your eyes?  
The canvas could never capture the light of your smile  
Of your smile  
And girl if I were a sculpture, working in marble  
I couldn't hope to copy your perfect face  
The curve of your body  
The feel of your skin  
My hands could never ever trace_

_So I'll try and find a melody  
As beautiful as you  
Find the words to say  
Your eyes are bluer than blue  
Fill my voice the emotion I'm feeling for you  
And now when the beat is so strong  
I'll give my heart in a song  
Oh girl  
_

_If I were an actor I could be someone  
Someone who'd always know the right things to say  
But as soon as I'd see you  
I'd forget all my lines  
And you'd never know  
What I feel inside_

_So I'll try and find a melody  
As beautiful as you  
Find the words to say  
Your eyes are bluer than blue  
Fill my voice the emotion I'm feeling for you  
And now when the beat is so strong  
I'll give my heart in a song_

_There's no other way  
That I know to say  
Baby how much I love you  
And if you'll only give me a chance  
Oh girl_

_I will try and find a melody  
As beautiful as you  
Find the words to say  
Your eyes are bluer than blue  
Fill my voice the emotion I'm feeling for you  
And now when the beat is so strong  
I'll give my heart in a song_

_So I'll try and find a melody  
As beautiful as you  
Find the words to say  
Your eyes are bluer than blue  
Fill my voice the emotion I'm feeling for you  
And now when the beat is so strong  
I'll give my heart in a song_

He winks at her as the song comes to a close and the beats behind him begin to increase as he plays on. She watches him with the same admiration and pride that he had watched her moments before. His deep voice seeping into every inch of her skin as he sings, the beats getting harder and heavier as he goes on, but even still she knew some of the songs were for her as much as the first had been even if her London audience didn't have a clue. She knows those from home are beginning to catch on to the subtle hints given throughout the concert, especially when Speid glances in her direction more than once with that suspicious look of his. The others standing front and center look at the two much the same, especially Sadie and Darius as they watch the pair.

It's an hour of wonderful music filling the air around them, making it almost electrifying before Tommy silences the band for a moment taking the cordless mic from the stand and holding his hand out to Jude as he speaks. She walks towards him even as his deep voice is heard, a cordless mic in her hand even as she takes his with her free one. "As we close this concert I'd like to ask Miss Harrison to join me for one final song. This duet will be on both of our albums upon their debut."

Jude smiles lifting the mic and beginning in her angelic chords, her gaze not leaving Tommy.

_I would give up everything  
Before I'd separate myself from you  
After so much suffering  
I finally found the unvarnished truth  
I was all by myself for the longest time  
So cold inside  
And the hurt from the heartache would not subside  
I felt like dying  
Until you saved my life_

Her soft angelic tone and his deeper voice mix together elegantly as the chorus begins.

_Thank God I found you  
I was lost without you  
My every wish and every dream  
Somehow became reality  
When you brought the sunlight  
Completed my whole life  
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude  
Cause baby I'm so thankful  
I found you_

Naturally her voice fades allowing his to take over for the second verse, but never do they look away.

_I would give you everything  
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do  
To ensure your happiness  
I'll cherish every part of you  
Because without you beside me I can't survive  
I don't wanna try  
If you're keeping me warm each and every night  
I'll be all right  
Cause I need you in my life_

Once more her melodic chords join his, it's as if their voices make love each time they join together vocally for the chorus.

_Thank God I found you (I'm thanking you)  
I was lost without you (so lost without you)  
My every wish and every dream (every dream, every dream)  
Somehow became reality  
When you brought the sunlight (brought the sunlight)  
Completed my whole life  
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude  
Cause baby I'm so thankful  
I found you_

She starts once more, her voice thick with emotion as her blue eyes shimmer in the glow of the lights, though towards the end of this verse their voices join again and into the chorus.

_See I was so desolate  
Before you came to me  
Looking back I guess it shows  
That we were destined to shine  
After the rain to appreciate  
The gift of what we have  
And I'd go through it all over again  
To be able to feel this way_

_Thank God I found you  
I was lost without you (lost without you baby)  
My every wish and every dream  
Somehow became reality  
When you brought the sunlight  
Completed my whole life (whole life)  
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude  
Sweet baby I'm so thankful  
I found you  
_

_Thank God I found you  
I was lost without you  
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude  
My baby I'm so thankful  
I found you  
(You.. You...)_

_I'm overwhelmed with gratitude  
My baby I'm so thankful I found you_

Now the difference between the two versions to be found on the albums in the last two lines is who's voice dominates them, as on his album during this portion of the concert his voice dominates the final words and keeping the mic in hand he finally releases hers looking between her and the audience as he speaks again, directly to Jude. "I truly am so thankful that I agreed to produce you as a favor to Georgia. You were a spitfire child I thought was nothing more than a cliché and would drive me completely insane, and your original opinion of me wasn't much brighter as I recall." He pauses winking at her before continuing. "But the moment we took off to do that first re-write I knew I'd been wrong, and with every day you just continued to blow me away. You become my best and truest friend quickly, knowing me better than anyone ever has. You understood me then and now better than anyone on this earth Girl, to the point you scared me to death especially since you were barely sixteen at the time.

And we had our ups and downs through the years. Lots of tears, angry words, fights, and heartache; but I love you as much now as I did from the very beginning, in some ways more as my love for you grew as you and our relationship did. But your youth caught up with us and you needed to spread your wings, so I sat back and let you and now, here we are again." He takes a deep breath, his eyes brimming with tears as he watches her, almost unaware of the audience in front of them as he kneels down in front of her pulling the ring from beneath his shirt, tugging on the chain gently to release it from his neck. Leaving the ring attached to the chain he holds it out to her as he clears his throat and goes on. "I don't want to hold you back from having your own adventures in the prime of your life; we both know I had my own. But I want to be apart of you, apart of your life, because you are my entire universe Harrison. I bought this the night of your farewell concert in Toronto." Instantly he'd admitted to why he was so late that night. "I'm asking you again Jude Harrison, to spend the rest of your life with me. To be my day, my night, my friend, my love, my everything; for eternity; please, will you marry me Girl?" He takes her hand into his own setting the mic down so he has use of both of his hands as he awaits her answer, his eyes never leaving her beautiful face.

She's blind to the audience about half way through his speech, salt born crystal tears spilling freely down the subtle curve of her porcelain cheeks as her shimmering pools of star born electric blue star down at him in awe at every word he speaks and all the emotions she can read on him. She takes a deep shaking breath, holding it for a moment before releasing it as she fights, trying to find her voice as she feels her hand shaking within his grasp. Finally as she nods she speaks in thick emotion drenched chords. "Yes, God yes Quincy." She melts as she watches him slide the ring onto her proper finger, the chain dangling from her finger then as she drops the mic from her hand with a graceless thud onto the stage, ignoring the fact it rolls away from her as he stands in front of her.

Her arms encircle his neck immediately as his wrap around her waist lifting her from the ground delicately as his lips capture hers in a deep, tender, loving, and grateful kiss. The audience, most of which are in tears themselves and silence during this awe inspiring display, finally erupt in a thunderous applause that is almost deafening, as the curtains finally close around the pair; not that the happy couple is aware of any of this in the least.


	26. Epilogue

**A/N Before we begin I wanted to take a moment to once again thank all of you who have read and reviewed this story! Your wonderful words have meant so much to me and have helped to keep this story going, allowing it to see it's conclusion. I hope I do as well with my next story which the prologue should be up a few days after this one. The new story will be titled "Crawling Back to You" and takes place actually during the show but extending after and of course changing events where needed. At the bottom I will be leaving notes for a few of my most memorable reviewers. Just because you don't find your name however does not mean that your review meant less than those that were mentioned. Some just stuck out and left even me with questions. But I appreciated each and every review I received.  
**

Epilogue

**Six months after the concert that changed everything…**

It seemed only fitting that they be married in the same city in which their fates had been decided, Toronto. Now deciding on the location was a different story, but after many weeks of arguing, nearly to the point of brawling, Jude and Tommy had finally decided to have the ceremony outside of G-Major. Darius jumped at the opportunity to host such a momentous occasion, and even pay for half of the cost, while her London label covered the rest. Essentially the happy couple isn't even paying for their own honeymoon; another thing both labels had combined their efforts on.

The G-Major property had been transformed to wedding perfection with the help of course of the best wedding planner a couple could ask for; Sadie Harrison. She had it looking more like a floral garden with beautiful arches decorated in elegant flowers and vines and ribbons. It was feminine yet still had all the touches it takes to be Judeish. However the downside to Sadie Harrison planning the wedding was being forced to stick to traditions! Sure the whole something old something new, borrowed, blue, not so bad; spending the night apart and not seeing each other until the alter? Devastating! But he was coping, though probably driving Darius and Kwest out of their minds. It was hard enough keeping those two from killing each other, but having Tommy on edge too mad it all the harder, since the only reason D and Kwest were on sort of speaking terms was for the sake of him and Jude and their impending eternal bliss.

But despite all the drama, all the issues in the past few weeks or the past few years they were finally here. He fidgets nervously standing beside Kwest at the alter watching first as Sadie comes down the aisle, waiting with baited breath for Jude to make her appearance with Stuart. His pale blue orbs are locked on the other end of the red carpet listening for the click of her old fashion heels and he wasn't disappointed as Stuart Harrison in his tux walks towards him with Jude on his arm.

As she's holding her father's arm lightly in an almost elegantly old fashion manner as she had chosen not to have a bouquet when she walked the aisle, she'd throw one later though; she looks straight ahead of her up at Tommy waiting for her with that look in his eyes and that smile on his lips. He had that look again, the one he saved just for her and it warmed every fiber of her being, even now. Her dress is fairly simple, but perfectly designed for her as the ivory silk fabric rests on her shoulders and comes down a couple of inches past while coming across her chest in a straight line but decently high up. The bodice of the dress resembles something you'd see in the era of the civil war as the skirt is full and brushes the ground; beneath it are a pair of ivory heeled boots belonging to the same time period. Her long platinum blond hair is twisted up with ringlets framing her delicate features, the veil of a delicate lace hanging down in front of her face and behind her to the hem of her gown.

Angelic; that's the word floating around in his mind as she reaches him, like a heavenly vision he's being blessed with. Pagan Smith had been asked to perform the ceremony since he was ordained and all, and who better to perform a rock star wedding anyway, right? Tom barely hears him as he asks who gives the bride away, until he feels Stuart slip Jude's hand into his own.

He can hardly believe he's finally standing here with her, today is their day. Sure he'd been married to Portia, but that was different and everyone knew it. This, it's forever and means more to him than anything on earth. His love for her is coming off of him in waves as he finally turns some of his attention to Pagan as he begins the ceremony…

Perfection; that's what the day had been, but the night is even better. They'd had a hard road getting here, but they were finally here. They are officially Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Dutois, yes they had agreed to use his real last name, but professionally they were going to continue using Harrison and Quincy. Here they are now in Thailand where they'd meant to be a couple years ago.

As they reach the hotel room Tommy stops her from opening the door shaking his head silently before scooping her up into his arms, holding her slender silk wrapped frame against his as he opens the door and carries her in, and he doesn't stop or set her down until they've reached the bedroom. He places her ever so gently down onto the king size bed, hovering carefully above her he dips his head down to capture her scarlet painted lips with his own in a deep, tender, and loving kiss before he pulls back slightly.

He lowers his head again brushing his lips as gently as feathers across her delicate skin along her jaw line, down her throat, across her collar bone before stopping just above the swell of her breast peeking up from the very top of her wedding gown. He loves how the gown envelopes her but now it's time to remove it, so he stands up and reaches for her hands pulling her up from the bed, spinning her around he unties the silk ribbons in the back of the gown. Once it's undone he slowly slides the sleeves from her shoulders, his fingertips brushing ever so softly across her velvet skin before he pushes the gown down watching it pool around her feet. He slides his arms around her waist from behind dipping his head down to brush another kiss against her shoulders before leaning back slightly as he unfastens her strapless bra letting it flutter to the ground. He reaches down and grabs her wrist, spinning her back around to face him he captures her lips with his own once more keeping the kiss as chaste as he can withstand for the moment. After all they have all the time in the world to be fast and hard and passionate; but tonight is for slow perfection. Tonight he wants to feel every inch of her and allow her the chance to do the same.

Once she's void of every article of clothing he removes his own with the same finesse before pulling her body against his own as he rests his forehead on hers. His voice is a deep husky whisper, "It's hard to believe you're really mine Girl, forever." He lifts her left hand peering down at the delicate ring he'd placed there and the engagement ring that matches. The engagement band of platinum with the sapphire star and surrounding star shaped diamonds and then a second platinum band with three star shaped diamonds to accompany it, engraved on this was simply the words; 'My Girl'.

"That's right Quincy; you can't get rid of me." Her voice is soft and melodic when she whispers the words to him, his stage name becoming more of a pet name in that act as she quotes her own lyrics with a playful grin. Her velvet finger tips roam over his skin as light as air, tracing every inch as her electric pools of blue stare into his of a paler hue. She can feel his hands doing the same, both mesmerized by each other, and the reality they're now husband and wife.

He takes the first step, reaching down he lifts her slender frame up against his own, his arm under her the swell of her bottom as his other curls along her spin so that his fingers rest at the base of her neck, his lips capturing hers once more in a kiss that while slow in nature has enough fire to set flames to all of Europe. He sets her then carefully upon the bed, lying down with her as he enters her depths slowly to consummate their marriage properly, and for hours to come…

**A/N The end! Hope you have all enjoyed this, my very first, fan fic! I truly enjoyed writing it and receiving all of your wonderful reviews! I am working on posting my new story within the next few days and I hope all of my loyal readers take a look! It's a new take on events starting around the middle of season four with some changes to the remainder of that season and possibly going past the end of the season, I haven't decided yet.**

**carenicoleIQ: **I hope you are in no way disappointed at where the epilogue concludes. I've loved each and every review you left, thank you.

**LadyKatyUltimateFan: **Ah another of my absolutely wonderful reviewers, I've loved reading your comments. If you have an idea for a dramatic sequel for this fic I'd love to hear it if you want to PM it to me. At this time I can't think of any further dramatic event to put this poor couple through at least in this time line, however the new story I mentioned above takes place on a different time line and will be full of drama and excitement!

**alexia IS: **I am so glad to hear you're a fan! I'm happy that you've enjoyed this story and where it has concluded I hope you are equally as happy with the epilogue. In the next few days I'll be debuting the new story I mentioned above and if I receive the same wonderful loyal response I am sure it will come along as smoothly without too much delay between updates.

**Saderia: **I'm so glad you've enjoyed this story so much! Even as the writer I am sad to see this one coming to an end but unless I come up with something for a sequel this will remain the end of this particular story. I'm glad I was able to provide all of us with the closure their story truly needed. I think the writers of the show simply wanted to end it with Jude focussed on her music and couldn't see a way to do that and keep them together. And in a way they were right, she did need to go have that adventure time on her own. But that was the trouble with them ending the series after only four years. I am also very glad to hear you like the song I wrote that I used in one of these last chapters. It seemed to fit the moment better than anything professional I could find.

**Again, just because your name doesn't appear here at the end of this particular story doesn't mean I didn't love your reviews as well! But there was eight pages of reviews (way more than I ever thought I'd receive and I know or at least hope after this chapter to find more!) it was a little time consuming to go through them all, besides it would have made this end part three times as long! But I love all of you guys and I hope you all stop in and read my new story when it is uploaded, Crawling Back to You! Thanks again! XoXo American Mom**


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